Holiday mum keeps sending her son over to us repeatedly

[ItsPriya]

Currently on holiday - 2 week AI with husband and teenage daughter. Had a really busy year and was really looking forward to downtime and just recharging with the 3 of us.
On the second day was relaxing by the pool when a little boy about 4yo dropped his goggles near my lounger. Threw them into the pool for him, he threw them back and we had a little game of catch with them. Really sweet kid, thought no more of it.
Went to the buffet that night and the boy appeared at my feet as I was getting my food, started pulling at my arm, hanging off me whining "play with me" and asking me to go outside with him to play?!
My daughter came up to me and said she'd been passing his parents table and heard the mum say "he's whinging because hes tired, I told him to go play with that woman from earlier." Laughing and drinking while I'm trying to get my food and stop her kid from getting lost or hurt.
Went to sit down, said "I'm eating now, so go back to Mummy." Watched him go back over, his mum looked really annoyed, said something to him and he came back!
He said "my mum said I can sit with you until you're done then we can play."
Tried to eat but he was non stop, picking things up, touching things, whinging - not my child, why am I dealing with this?!
In the end DH walked him back over and firmly said we were trying to eat. Mum had the nerve to ask if our daughter had ever been a toddler.
Anyway, he harassed me at the entertainment that night to the point we left as I couldn't see his Mum so dropped him with the entertainment team. Makes DH very uncomfortable as he's very full on, climbing on our knees, wrapping his legs around us.
Breakfast this morning - he's actually waiting at the double doors and it was a repeat of the previous night. I actually suspect Mum is hiding from us.

What do I do?!

That's chilling and true. Tell reception asap

Headphones. Towel over your head.

They sound like scum, I don’t blame you for taking pity on this child, who is clearly being neglected. Surely there must have been a kids club the mother could send him to, at least that way he would be less alone. Not your problem I know and I would be irritated too being bothered all day by the little boy when I’ve paid thousands to relax.

Good idea.

This. As I said in previous posts this mother sounds like a nasty narcissist and they love making trouble for anyone just for fun.

We had a bunch of Travellers here from the UK in New Zealand that made our papers. Everything from littering the beach, abusing people and shoplifting got reported. Was a bit of a saga.

Not fair to OP though who may also need the break she has paid thousands for. Parents should have hired a babysitter.

Yeah. Probably better their is only one of them. When siblings are brought up by these sort they are usually bullying other children by about 8 or 9.

Blimey...such a harsh response.Whilst OP shouldn't have to deal with it, the kid is only 4, clearly emotionally neglected and seeking some caring attention from a kind adult! So sad his useless mother doesn't give a shit about him.Hopefully he won't be the next child we hear about drowning in a hotel swimming pool!

OP, a 4 year old wandering around a foreign resort on his own without his parents really isn't on.I think it's great you have shown him kindness but equally you should not have to put up with this on your holiday.Can you not contact the local child services dept?! He is so young and there are so many safeguarding concerns here.I think the parents need a stern talking to from authorities.
Would say speak to hotel reception, but can't imagine they would do alot to be honest.

This poor boy. The mum doesn’t even know you are safe people to be sending her child to, and she’s also putting you guys at risk.

I am the type to engage with playing with other kids as long as the parent/guardian is around. Several times in a park, I have had kids trying to play with me with no adult in sight and have taken that child to find who is looking after them, so I get how you feel OP.

In this type scenario though, I wouldn’t be cool with babysitting a stranger’s child on holiday and them leaving him alone would be a safeguarding risk. After the failed conversation with the mum, I would report the neglect to the hotel and tell them to either sort it or I am calling the police because I personally can’t just enjoy myself without knowing the kid’s welfare is good.

But like others have said, you also need to think about yourselves because that comment towards your husband is a massive alarm bell as to what they might try and pull.

It’s really sad. Also makes me wonder, if he’s this neglected quite brazenly in front of loads of people like this, what on earth goes on behind closed doors?

Please tell me you’re not in Portugal…

Hopefully they will be away soon, but I'd be speaking to the hotel manager, asking what the policy on this and pointing out what terrible publicity it would be if a child was hurt or abducted while staying in their hotel. Poor child to have such selfish, neglectful parents.

Absolutely 🥹 "police want to speak to a couple who were seen with the child shortly before he disappeared"

Please keep away from this for your own sake OP

Statistically, sadly, he is more likely to drown, without anyone spotting him. Every year numerous children drown in pools, some even where parents are overseeing.

This would be the main focus with the hotel manager.

I know that it’s a horrible position to be in and understandably, we all feel awful for the boy. I completely understand why a lot are saying that they would play with him as they couldn’t ignore him etc.

One thing to remember is that by doing this, you are showing the child that strangers are nice and it’s great to approach them as they will play with him. It’s ok to climb over them and on laps etc. Now, you know that you are safe and care for that child, but the next person the child may approach may not have such great motives.. A sense of awareness and appropriateness with strangers is important.

For this reason, approaching a member of staff to apprise them of the situation is the best idea. Always ensure that you are showing the child how they should behave with strangers etc.

Oh love I totally get how you have ended up in this situation as I have had similar. One small act which feels nothing at the time snowballs and before you know it, your holiday is ruined. However no matter how sad this is for the little boy, due to the families responses to you each time you have interacted, you must completely remove yourself from the situation now. Do not engage with them anymore as you won’t get any decent response and sadly it’s time you completely ignore the child. I know this goes against every fibre of our beings but it’s just too dangerous and I do agree with PP, people like this are unpredictable. Sunglasses on, eyes closed and headphones in. Do not even look in their/his direction. Sadly they have shown what they are like but it’s time to protect yourself and your family. Do not allow your husband to go over there anymore, and keep your fingers crossed that they are leaving Weds. Interesting you say the staff are amazing as I would have hoped they would have dealt with this better, especially the entertainment people. Before you leave I would ask to speak to the manager and explain everything you have on here so they can be better equipped for next time, as sadly this is just one family of many who are happy for other people to parent their off spring.

I agree, but "woman up?". I suspect it's because she's "all woman" and has a deep sense of empathy that she was a bit torn by this. Of course this little boy is not her responsibility but witnessing such crap parenting must hurt

And also "him"

What do you mean, you wouldn't let them get away with it? You would have taken on a group of 8+, all drunk?
I think what people mean is you should have immediately gone to hotel staff and asked for a manager (not just tried weakly to talk to someone like the lifeguard who didn't seem to know their arse from their elbow), and made them aware that this child was unaccompanied. No, you don't know their room number, you're not running the hotel. Mic drop, walk away.

Poor kid. But at the end of the day it's meant to be your holiday, not a social services visit.

Sorry, ignore me! Just seen it's a single mum..

I know ....she obviously isn't coping at all. Surely the hotel has a kids clubs she could use so that she could have break ? 🤔

I get why you did it op as its not the little boys fault. But some people are just takers. I dont think its helpful for you or others to speculate what his life is like at home. We just don't know.
The bit I dont understand is your husband going to tell them you were leaving. That just admits to them you were supervising (happily??) Their child and therefore they will just assume you want to all the time.
Hopefully they will be gone on Wednesday but I think some firm "no i can't play with you. You need to find your grown up " is needed and stick to it

You sound like you’re very kind OP but as you are aware, you’re being used by a family who don’t want to take care of their toddler. Poor kid!

Hopefully they are leaving tomorrow but if they’re not, you’ve got to leave all your kindness at the door and disengage from the poor child. If he’s on his own, tell the staff to make sure he’s safe but no more games, no more attention.

It’s really hard isn’t it, when you can see he’s probably just a lonely little boy and you want to help but what else can you do! It runs the risk of ruining your lovely holiday otherwise.

@notamumyet2010has nailed this.

You're out today - great. Hopefully you won’t see them. Do you normally see them at mealtimes? Go at a different time or sit somewhere different.

I feel bad for the boy but he’s not your responsibility and I would have def spoken to management. It would be fine if he just wanted to play for 10 mins but it sounds like you’re now his default adults, and his adults are c*nts.