Holiday mum keeps sending her son over to us repeatedly

[ItsPriya]

Currently on holiday - 2 week AI with husband and teenage daughter. Had a really busy year and was really looking forward to downtime and just recharging with the 3 of us.
On the second day was relaxing by the pool when a little boy about 4yo dropped his goggles near my lounger. Threw them into the pool for him, he threw them back and we had a little game of catch with them. Really sweet kid, thought no more of it.
Went to the buffet that night and the boy appeared at my feet as I was getting my food, started pulling at my arm, hanging off me whining "play with me" and asking me to go outside with him to play?!
My daughter came up to me and said she'd been passing his parents table and heard the mum say "he's whinging because hes tired, I told him to go play with that woman from earlier." Laughing and drinking while I'm trying to get my food and stop her kid from getting lost or hurt.
Went to sit down, said "I'm eating now, so go back to Mummy." Watched him go back over, his mum looked really annoyed, said something to him and he came back!
He said "my mum said I can sit with you until you're done then we can play."
Tried to eat but he was non stop, picking things up, touching things, whinging - not my child, why am I dealing with this?!
In the end DH walked him back over and firmly said we were trying to eat. Mum had the nerve to ask if our daughter had ever been a toddler.
Anyway, he harassed me at the entertainment that night to the point we left as I couldn't see his Mum so dropped him with the entertainment team. Makes DH very uncomfortable as he's very full on, climbing on our knees, wrapping his legs around us.
Breakfast this morning - he's actually waiting at the double doors and it was a repeat of the previous night. I actually suspect Mum is hiding from us.

What do I do?!

Yeah, and OP, you weren't being a "mug" watching him at the pool, like you said. You were watching over his life. Yes, I KNOW you shouldn't have had to, but you did the right and humane thing in the moment. Well done, you!

You need to ignore the child even if you feel sorry for him particularly if he has antagonistic parents. You are putting both yourself and your husband in a compromising situation by engaging with him. One sentence is all you need. Just tell him to go back to his parents then ignore. No throwing stuff, smiling or talking to him. You are encouraging him and if his family are rough goodness knows what they could accuse you of. Hopefully it is just tomorrow if they go home Wednesday but then I am sure they are not the only CFs on holiday fobbing off their kids on some willing stranger.

Exactly. I would have played with him, even though I'd have just wanted to read my book. Poor little thing.

Clearly a demanding toddler with a mum in need of a break. I would deal with his dad and stop blaming the mum for everything … are women the only person to blame for a child bad behaviour?

Agree with this, now that we know what the parents are like.

Not even watching over him like a hawk around water...sending him off to strangers who could be anyone....Some people don't deserve children. And how it is even possible not to feel protective over your little one, especially while abroad? I'll never understand that.

The child isn't behaving badly. The parents are. Do you think that being in need of a break is reason enough to abandon your child and leave them with strangers? Both parents are fully responsible for the child.

OP, I would have done the same as you. I could not have ignored the child (in water!) either. I nothing that its getting g to the stage where something is put in writing to the hotel, just so you have a record of it.

Oh god op, that's a bloody nightmare. You are not responsible for him but at the same time if you spot a small child in a pool on their own you can hardly walk away. How horrible to have to be looking over your shoulder all the time worrying that he might turn up making himself (not his fault) your problem. Crossing everything that they head off soon and you can relax in peace x

You just need to respond yes my daughter was a toddler and I have been there, done that and bought the t-shirt and parented her through those years. I have no desire to parent a child I don't know so please take over and do your job as I'm not here as a free babysitter. I do not work for the hotel. I will not be watching your child or playing with your child so if your child gets hurt, that is on you.

Exactly you can't reason with idiots like that and they could easily punch your husband and kill him. They don't care. They have probably been in prison before.

Poor kid, his parents sound awful. Not helpful but this is one of many good reasons to stay in private villa.

Totally agree with you. He sounds like an attention bereft child who has given up getting care and attention from his mother and is seeking it literally anywhere he can. It’s very sad and his mum wont be, but should be, ashamed.

It’s tough because attention feeds attention but I think you’ve done all the right things. You’ve cared for a little child and have momentarily put his needs above yours which is very noble. Thank god they’re heading home soon.

I can see why you felt you couldn't ignore him, when he's all alone in a pool. Poor boy.

I don't think there's any point having interactions with the parents anymore, at all particularly since they are jumping to the "why are you so interested in a child" approach - which I'm sure is why they said it - how dare they btw.. since they don't appear to have any interest in the poor lad and even then it didn't make them keep a better eye on him.

The life guard, bar man and the entertainments man are all a bust. I think you need to go to the hotel manager via reception and report them properly and let the manager know that you've already spoken to three members of staff, who can confirm the child is left unattended frequently.
and ask if they will ask members of staff to keep an eye out for the child until they leave.
They probably won't do much more since the family are leaving (hopefully) but really they ought to be alarmed because this sounds like an incident waiting to happen.
I think you've done all you could, and at least he had a little bit of fun with you.

Unfortunately, you can't have a decent conversation with scummy parents like that.

Sorry but he should do nothing of the sort. This will not resolve only antagonise. OP doesn't need that neither does her husband. He is already a man. All he needs to do is keep very far from the child and report the situation to managers.

Such really bad parenting on their parts and such a lack of self awareness. The poor little boy

Don't call kids brats just because of the behaviour of their parents. Children are innocent and don't have a choice in who raises them.

Similar happened to me when my DD age 4 befriended a german girl the same age. Her parents were not supervising her in the pool at all & I was stressed. She even joined us for a couple of dinners but I had a younger baby to deal with so my child was happy sharing her seat with her new friend.. She did listen when I said it’s time to say goodbye though & the parents did thank us eventually.

I know it’s hard but in this situation you will have to disengage completely. Don’t approach the family at all as all you’ll get is grief. Don’t let the child climb over you. If he comes up to you, immediately tell him to return. I know it feels harsh & you feel sorry for him but let the hotel staff be responsible for him if his parents are ignoring him. There must be a kids club at this place, I have no idea why he isn’t put in there if they are not engaging with him.

This. I am sorry this has happened to you OP. You seem like a kind and good person and honestly I am glad you did throw him the goggles. Probably made his week

OP, you handled a very difficult situation with profound compassion and kindness. You could not have possibly done any better.

Yes you do get these groups who are really intimidating , it happened to my dh once on holiday

Throwing the goggles again did nothing but encourage him. I know it's hard but you need to disengage and tell him to go back to his parents every time, if no parents in sight then to a hotel staff member.

Fingers crossed they leave on Wednesday but don't let them ruin your holiday any more than it has.

If they don’t leave on Wednesday and he continues to throw the goggles to you, pretend to be asleep.

If you haven’t already, I would speak with hotel management and express your concern.

I would also be trying to find out who they are and where they are from and reporting them when back to the UK, god only knows what the poor little boys home life is like.

Well that's nasty. Not the poor boys fault.

Throwing the goggles encourages him. Your DH going to speak to the parents saying you’re going in is showing them you’re taking responsibility for the child.

I’d go and speak to the management. Not a younger easily-intimidated intimidated bar worker.