Are you friends with your husband?

[UnorganisedMother]

I don't feel like I am. I try, however DH always says that he doesn't have much to talk about, and he doesn't really initiate time together; I get fed up of being the one to do so.
We get by OK, I just think it would better of we could have a bit more fun in our day to day lives, or even just an enjoyable chat.

I wanted to see whether this is usual really, or if I'm expecting more than I should. There is more to it than that, I just didn't want to type out a huge essay.
We've been together twenty years.

Yes we are best friends. He has my back over anyone. You don’t have to stay in an unhappy relationship. You get one life. One.

Have to agree with this. But we met when I was 29, I had a best friend, a group of friends from secondary school, a group of friends from Uni, work friends from two jobs and two volunteer roles. I didn't need or want a best friend, I wanted a partner.

We share interests, we spend time together, we'd do more but have 3 primary aged kids, we enjoy each other's company and we're sexually attracted to ea h other. That's what I was looking for.

Yes, very much so. DP & I first met at university & our relationship evolved much later out of a long-standing close friendship. In some ways we are still first & foremost best mates, which is great. We hardly ever argue, we are interested in many of the same things, we can agree to disagree about the rest and we can always have a laugh. That’s the good bit.

The downside is that the relationship is based on friendship not on romance or passionate sexual attraction. There was never any hearts & flowers stuff or pulse-racing excitement & we always felt that a traditional wedding just wasn’t for us.

Yes, my dh is my best friend and the person I’d rather spend my time with.

Very much so. We chat all the time, laugh together, cry together. He has my back, I have his. We trust each other. Been through a lot of bad stuff and some fabulous good stuff (and the mundane stuff too!). Married 33 years, consider myself very lucky.

Approaching 26 years together and there is no one I'd rather spend time with. I wish we could have more dates/weekends away but kids still need a babysitter

Yes, my husband is my best friend and we love spending time together even if it's just at home watching tv. I was 16 and he was 17 when we started going out but were good friends before this. We are in our 60s now and still feel the same.

Yes we’re genuinely best friends. There’s no one either of us would rather be with.

Best friends here too, married 10 and together 17, he knows me better than I know myself most of the time and I him. Sorry your going through this OP x

Yes. He’s my best friend and loves the whole me - including the bloody irritating, anxious, and highly flawed parts of me. Been together 34 years, 25th wedding anniversary next year.

Had some tough times, in terms of kids/his career, that did put a strain on our marriage at various points but we realised we were stronger together and worked through it. Can’t imagine growing old with anyone else.

If you don’t feel this way, if you don’t feel there is liking and affection holding you together anymore, then you should probably leave. It’s not fair on either of you.

Thankfully, dh and I are best friends. We’ve been together for 18 years and that remains the case. It was like that with my previous husband, that and no sex. I divorced him.

Yes, I tell him everything and his listens, even to the boring stuff. He’s my cheerleader no matter what. I love hanging out with him but can also have an evening where I don’t want to talk to anyone and he leaves me alone.

my parents sound like you describe and I’m really sad for them both but they also don’t make the effort. I choose dh every day (he does piss me off sometimes - sometimes I tell him but others I leave it). Married 22 years (together 25).

I’m divorced and remarried.

After my divorce I did the excellent ‘Restored lives’ course.

Every single one of us identified we hadn’t been friends with our ex partners.

Now I’m married to my best friend,

It’s like night and day.

Yeah he’s a good egg. He’s one of those people who is great at a pub quiz.

we were walking the dog last night and I said something about the Krypton Factor… then trying to remember the presenters name. Without missing a beat he announced it was Gordon Burns 😂😂😂

it made me laugh way more than it should but who stores that kind of info ready for use at a moments notice??

No we weren't best friends, that was the problem . I don't think he liked me or acted as if he didn't but was devastated when I left . I've been happily single for a long time .

We have been together for similar time and have had DC later in life. Before DC we had more time. With DC we have days where we just get through and other days we may try to have breakfast together or lunch. We may watch something together when DC is in bed. I feel we still connect but have way less time. I definitely consider him my best friend (with benefits!).

Yes of course, he's my best friend. I can't imagine bothering with a relationship when you aren't even friends.

Yes - we actually like each other, like hanging out together, he is my favourite person, seeing him always makes me smile and he makes me laugh too. I can't wait to spend more time together when we retire.

Yes, dh is my best friend but we don’t live in each others pockets ( I don’t think that’s healthy either).

I read that one of the best ways to keep a relationship fresh is to try lots of new experiences together and I feel that is something dh and I are good at - both of us love doing new things, going to new places, eating new foods - I am always seeking out the new, I struggle with samey and he matches my energy - we've been together for 25 years and it's fun - I look back and I don't think it's been something hard that we've had to work at - of course there were times in our lives when things around us were hard - but our relationship wasn't the source.

I genuinely can’t stand the man I unfortunately own a house with and regret every minute of the past eight years with the lazy, selfish, self-absorbed, deceitful, domineering, aggressive bastard.

OP, I would be miserable and lonely in your situation, and I was until I left my now ExDH.

Life it too short. You don't have to settle for what yiu have described. Know you deserve better.

It’s not the same friendship I have with my female friends, it’s a different friendship with someone really handsome. I’d never say he’s ’got my back completely’ because I’ve been burned before but I enjoy his company.

Posted too soon - the relationship I'm in now is with a man who is my best friend, and it's worlds apart from anything I've known previously. Neither of us want to get married and we choose not to live together, but after 5 years, along with my DCs, he's one of my favourite people.

Yes 20 years in and I can tell him anything I have never felt the need to hide anything from him and he really keeps me grounded and steady. I’m having a crap time at the moment and knowing I can lean on him is huge, it’s not something I’ve ever needed to do before but he’s stepped up beautifully. He is my favourite person and I’d say we were great friends. I feel very lucky to have him because I know so many others don’t have that.