Are you friends with your husband?

[UnorganisedMother]

I don't feel like I am. I try, however DH always says that he doesn't have much to talk about, and he doesn't really initiate time together; I get fed up of being the one to do so.
We get by OK, I just think it would better of we could have a bit more fun in our day to day lives, or even just an enjoyable chat.

I wanted to see whether this is usual really, or if I'm expecting more than I should. There is more to it than that, I just didn't want to type out a huge essay.
We've been together twenty years.

Absolutely. We’ve been together for almost 20 years and we really enjoy spending time together. We have so much fun and laugh every day. He’s the best friend I’ve ever had.

Been with my DH for 15 years married for 7, he’s my best friend. We enjoy each others company

Yeah, he may be a pain in the arse but he’s my best friend

Yes he's my best friend together 20 years. We don't talk about everything, for example we both find each others work boring to talk about but we are silly and have fun everyday. We like to hang out together. I'd feel sad if it wasn't like that, you are right to want more.

Yes, he drives me to distraction sometimes, but I know he always has my back and I trust him implicitly. We laugh together.
He is currently in Spain, and has no plans to come back to England apart from for a week for a family wedding.
I pop back and forth and we speak daily.
I'm going to collect my residency in September and will probably move over with my dog in March 2027

Yes best friends we could spend 24/7 together and never get bored of eachother or talking. For me any other kind of relationship wouldn't be worth having but that can be different for everyone. I don't think anyone should settle for anything less than what they want but I do appreciate why that's not always easy to do.

Yes he’s my best friend. I both choose to spend time together.
you aren’t expecting to much.

Why should he be the one to leave? He probably jointly owns the property. If so, he deserves to live there.

We're not married but yes, we do things together, share interests and support ones that we don't have in common, laugh about things, talk about the world etc we've only been together for 5 years though

Yes, he’s my best and only friend. He would say the same about me. We’re very introverted and don’t really want other friends. We’ve been married 17 years.

For me, this is a 'stage of life' thing.

When our dc were little - and indeed, into their teens - then busy lives meant we would be taking turns to be in the house or out somewhere, as one would be looking after dc whilst the other was out and visa versa, or one of us would be taking one dc to something and the other taking a different dc to something else. We just got out of the habit of spending time together.
Since our dc have all left home, we've made an effort to do more things together / just spend more time together. We started something new that we do together and spend quite a few hours each week doing that during part of the year.
It has rekindled the friendship side of our relationship, but was something we had to consciously decide to work on as we'd drifted into being 'parents of our dc' and away from being mates when life was much busier doing things separately.

Yes. We talk about everything, we laugh a lot and we do things together. I can't pretend its still physical or romantic but we are growing older together and I cannot imagine not being together.

100% this. I avoid him as much as I can get away with. He actually disgusts me. Counting down the days til the kids are independent and I can get out...

Been with my husband over 20 years, he’s been my best friend since we were 17. He’s my favourite person. We’re quite different on paper, but we have the same shared values. It does take effort sometimes, life can get in the way and we can realise that days have past and we’ve not done something together, but when that happens we both make the effort and want to do something.

I think if your husband makes no effort to talk or initiate time together that must be difficult.

Thank you; the replies mostly confirm what I've been feeling.
It is incredibly lonely inside my marriage, and I wish for what a lot of you seem to have. I really would like to find the right way to change things, or express how I feel so that what I say actually makes a difference.
DH seems content just plodding along, however I feel that it's all rather humdrum at best.

Our DC are teenagers upwards, and do like to spend time with us, so weekends I also feel like I organise the family activities myself and it's almost as though DH just tags along.
If I leave it and don't, we just end up sitting at home all weekend apart from the food shop etc.
DC obviously still hanging out with friends, I'm just bored with DH watching TV.

Most of the time, yes.

The rest of the time I want to get a shovel out of the shed.

We used to be.

Now he sleeps separately and watches tv in another room. He will come and find me multiple times a day to pester me for sex but won’t spend any time with me unless I’m naked 90% of the time. So it puts me off sex and ther is the loop.

he says he doesn’t like people or spending quality time with me. Yes I plan on leaving one day.

Yes. Mine is my best friend. We enjoy each others company immensely and still have loads in common after 27 years.

Yes of course, if you’re not with your best friend what is the point? I see so many couples who don’t wanna hang out together.

Same here! I had the misfortune to have to spend the day with him the other week and realised more than ever how much of a narcissistic knob he was. Just an awful person and I’m so glad we aren’t together.

Yes, he is my best friend. I have my girls but they know 85% of me. He knows 99%. We talk about everything and we’re each others safe place. We talk, play games, try new hobbies, explore new places, when I finish a book he reads it after me.

Yes 100% been together since I was 22 and 37 now. He is my best friend knows me inside and out. I lobe him dearly, he makes me laugh everything really.

We’re getting on for 25 years married, 30 in total together. He still makes me laugh, and vice versa. We are edging towards an empty nest, and frankly I can’t wait as we’ve lots of plans together.

Best friends though? Not really. He’s in a separate category for me, and tbh he wouldn’t want to be my bf. It’s a different relationship, and both are important. I love my bffs in a completely different way.

Have you told him this? It s sounds like you have both checked out a bit. Is there enough common ground, commitment, good memories to fall back on to get you back on track? Do you ever do anything just the two of you?

Oh yeah, we’re very different and have different hobbies, but we’re really good friends as well as partners.