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Finding horrible things when elderly people die. ***Edited by MNHQ to add: TW: contains details some may find upsetting including details of CSA***

435 replies

Dappy777 · Yesterday 14:16

Has anyone else cleaned out a loved one’s home and found horrible stuff?

Last year my father in law died. He was 78, had lived alone for several years and died suddenly. After his death, we went through the house and found a hidden stash of pornography. It wasn’t illegal, but the magazines were called things like ‘Babyface’ and ‘Just 18’. In other words, the models were as childlike as it was legally possible to photo. We also found several pornographic books and stuff he’d printed off the Internet. Again, it was all young and underage girls. My partner was very upset. His dad had an old laptop but my partner smashed and burned it (he was venting his anger). He said he didn’t want to know what was on there and that it was best if his father took any secrets to the grave.

Anyway, a neighbour recently told me a similar story, only in her case it was even darker. After her partner’s dad died, they found photos he had taken of young girls playing in a nearby park. She said it looked as if he’d taken them from his car. There were a lot, apparently, and she and her partner burnt everything.

I wonder how common this is? When my own father died, I found a bit of pornography, but it was all pretty tame and adult. Even that upset me though. In all three cases the men died suddenly. I suppose people with a terminal diagnosis have time to destroy such things.

OP posts:
Salsa2026 · Yesterday 21:27

Notashamed13 · Yesterday 21:22

Not rtft but the older I get, the more I just get the "ick" about men....... they are literally all the same with brains in their trousers. My partner i suspect is absolutely the same as your fil given his choice of Insta follows etc. It seriously just makes me feel sick. I'm sorry you found this. YANBU

Ugh… I just shudder at the thought of those men who follow hundreds of Onlyfans or apt porn type accounts. Gross. Makes me glad to be single.

dylexicdementor11 · Yesterday 21:30

Why ever do you mean? All old people? All men? Either way, that’s simply not true.

Junippa · Yesterday 21:30

corkscissorschalk · Yesterday 18:05

Sorry to put it bluntly, but these examples are all within your family.
Your father enjoyed awful stuff and raised 2 sons who you say are both horrible. You went on to choose 2 partners who were both horrible, and I’m not saying that was in any way your fault, but there is an element of how you were raised when choosing a partner.

The majority of heterosexual men are turned on by sexual imagery of women, full stop.
But the majority of those who are turned on by awful abusive degrading situations are those raised by or whose only male role models are horrible abusive men, therefore they tend to attract each other in families and friend groups.
That’s why in some circles lots of men are awful, but in others it’s equally normal to generally only know good kind men.

I think this is a good point.

I think there are "clusters" of dodgy men who enable each other and normalise whatever dodgy tastes they have. They may be from the same family, or internet group, or just have a kind of 'dog whistle' way of identifying each other.

Equally, I think there are "clusters" of pretty nice, decent men. Birds of a feather, and all that.

It would certainly go some way towards explaining the polarisation of experience that we're seeing on this thread.

Notashamed13 · Yesterday 21:32

Salsa2026 · Yesterday 21:27

Ugh… I just shudder at the thought of those men who follow hundreds of Onlyfans or apt porn type accounts. Gross. Makes me glad to be single.

It's just fucking grim isnt it. And they are all the fucking same. They really are!

Fernticket · Yesterday 21:34

HeadDeskHeadDesk · Yesterday 17:14

As I don’t want sex toys to be discovered (I’m ancient), I’m sticking with an electric toothbrush.

😂😂😂

Ouch, that sounds a little abrasive. I hope you wrap it in a sock or something?

I know this is a serious thread, but we need the laugh emoji back.

Jane143 · Yesterday 21:36

Magicschoolbusdropout · Yesterday 20:57

Nope

A fleshlight-its a plastic/rubber vagina that men wank into

A flashlight wouldn't have made the poor woman want to buy eye bleach-the photos where bad enough

Apparently it had been well used

🤢

Gonners · Yesterday 21:37

Thanks, everyone. I'm getting on a bit and this has given me ideas.

ForCosyLion · Yesterday 21:38

MyMonthlyNameChange · Yesterday 17:47

People say ‘not all men’, but it certainly does seem to be a hell of a lot of men.

In fact I’d go so far as to say with confidence that the number of men who aren’t secret deviant perverts are the minority.

And even the ones who aren't deviant are still sex maniacs. I never want to live with a man again.

DripDripAprilshower · Yesterday 21:39

Tinselandtrainers · Yesterday 19:58

We cleared our PiLs' house when they went into a nursing home and found a chest full of pictures, articles and VHS tapes of Eileen Derbyshire (Emily Bishop) and Anne Kirkbride (Deidre Barlow) of Coronation Street. There must have been thousands of items. It was very weird. There was a letter from Eileen Derbyshire's agent "Reminding" them (the letter was addressed to both PiL) that Ms Derbyshire was unable to meet them personally. DH and I found the whole thing confusing. They'd never even mentioned watching Corrie before, and didn't went DH lived at home.

When we asked them about it, they were absolutely furious that we'd opened the chest. They had asked us to clear the house ready to sell it, so we were not being unreasonable. After this they told us to leave and got a company in to finish the clearing.

The strangest thing is that both of them had pictures of both actresses in their coffins!

This has unsettled me.

Did you ever find out what they were doing?

exileinsunshine · Yesterday 21:45

NormasArse · Yesterday 14:35

Found a bag of sex aids under a male relative’s bed. One of them was a latex ‘bottom’. I’d always suspected he was gay/bi; I find it so sad that he couldn’t just tell people and have real relationships. He was single.

I read your username as NormansArse after this post 😂😂😂

8TinyToeBeans · Yesterday 21:46

Nothing bad, but I have my grandpa’s diaries. In the back of one (a small diary he kept when he was in hospital) was a letter he wrote to the family just in case he didn’t survive the surgery. I don’t think anyone has seen it - nobody else wanted the diaries or read them. He was a good man and reading his words reminds me of him.

tsmainsqueeze · Yesterday 21:46

CelticSilver · Yesterday 20:18

A letter written by my mother saying how much she hated me.

Unforgivably cruel , what kind of mother does this ?💐

socialdilemmawhattodo · Yesterday 21:48

UnemployedNotRetired · Yesterday 15:37

Never used this company (so not a reference), but 'interesting' that they exist:

We Buy Any Porn | Specialist Discreet House Clearances & Purchasers of Vintage Erotica - We Buy Any Porn

God I could have done with that link years ago. Found my ex-H porn stash in our flat overseas. I removed it all and brought it home. He was refusing to pay maintenance so thought I would flog it for a few quid, but couldn't sell it anywhere.

GremlinDolphin4 · Yesterday 21:50

i found out my dad had spent a short time in prison (for a fraud type incident that you wouldn’t go to prison for today) and later that he wasn’t actually my biological father and my grandpa wasn’t my mums biological father either (she didn’t know this). When i cleared their house we found lots of letters from the man who turned out to be my biological father but my aunt “helped” me to throw them out - she obviously knew too!

TheGander · Yesterday 21:58

PauliesWalnuts · Yesterday 21:15

I found a Hitler Youth belt in my grandad’s things. He was a driver in North Africa during WW2 so I suspect he either took it off a dead German or asked someone else to. A colleague found a Nazi dagger in her dad’s stuff. There must be loads of it about.

A colleague’s grandad went out to Germany at the end of the war when allies were arresting Nazis and putting them on trial. When he was packing his bags to come back he chucked a few hand guns with swastikas on them into his luggage, as souvenirs. Years later after his death my colleague’s mum was clearing his house and didn’t know what to do with the guns, she called the police. Within 20 minutes there was an armed response unit at her door!

TheDenimPoet · Yesterday 22:01

Hardgarden · Yesterday 15:21

Were you never with her when it was her birthday or Christmas to see her open the presents @Flicitytricity ?

Edited

Quite obviously not, why ask?

StMarie4me · Yesterday 22:02

JacknDiane · Yesterday 16:53

How dare you. My dad wasn't like that and dh wont be either.

Neither are my sons. And they speak up against toxic masculinity.

Franjipanl8r · Yesterday 22:03

Tinselandtrainers · Yesterday 19:58

We cleared our PiLs' house when they went into a nursing home and found a chest full of pictures, articles and VHS tapes of Eileen Derbyshire (Emily Bishop) and Anne Kirkbride (Deidre Barlow) of Coronation Street. There must have been thousands of items. It was very weird. There was a letter from Eileen Derbyshire's agent "Reminding" them (the letter was addressed to both PiL) that Ms Derbyshire was unable to meet them personally. DH and I found the whole thing confusing. They'd never even mentioned watching Corrie before, and didn't went DH lived at home.

When we asked them about it, they were absolutely furious that we'd opened the chest. They had asked us to clear the house ready to sell it, so we were not being unreasonable. After this they told us to leave and got a company in to finish the clearing.

The strangest thing is that both of them had pictures of both actresses in their coffins!

WTF?!! The pictures of them in their coffins is so incredibly strange!!

CharleneElizabethBaltimore · Yesterday 22:05

i would of presumed some people pre internet there would have been various books eg
black lace, nancy friday My Secret Garden: Women's Sexual Fantasies, nexus books etc

would have been more comman ?

needaglowupnow · Yesterday 22:07

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · Yesterday 18:05

When my DF died, his Will left everything divided equally between his 2 children & 3 grandchildren.
However, I found 2 earlier Wills from him & DM - thankfully superseded.
On the second death, everything was to go to my DB. At the time they were made, he was young, free & single with an excellent job.
I was going through a divorce, with a child & large mortgage to support, & I had just been made redundant - all of which my parents knew.
He was always the Golden Child.
Bloody nasty bastards.

I take it you readily took these 'nasty bastards' money after they died?

Bake · Yesterday 22:08

I set up my Prime Video account on my dad's TV so he had a wider choice of things to watch. Possibly during Covid 🤔
I was horrified a few days later when I opened Prime Video on my TV at home, in front of my young daughter, and the screen was full of Porn recommendations and things to "Continue watching". I didn't even know that sort of thing was available on Amazon.

I delinked Dad's TV next time I was there and told him he needed to pay for his own subscription, which he refused to do as he's a tight B.

He's got dementia now and gets a bit crazy when he's in hospital. Last time he was there he told me there were sex slaves on the ward. He pointed to a nurse and whispered she was one. Worried what's to come.

dannyufcfan · Yesterday 22:09

Some disgusting comments about men in this thread.

Carla786 · Yesterday 22:10

Junippa · Yesterday 21:21

Yes.

And I always think it's a bit strange how people who make a big deal of this distinction seem to be equating the word "porn" with "fully consensual, non-exploitative, harmless bit of fun." Calling something "porn" doesn't actually mean it's OK. It means that it was created for the sexual arousal of its audience. It may be sometimes be OK. Other times it may be an utter atrocity. Anything involving kids is obviously in the atrocity category.

Edited

I suppose some think 'porn' sounds insensitive as it's a more informal word

Zippidydoodah · Yesterday 22:10

theworldisadarkplace · Yesterday 14:26

My father abused me and my friends when we were little.
When he died I found magazines depicting images of child sex abuse and violence towards pregnant women. One article was even called 'Daddy's Little Girl'. I suspected this stuff was around and I made sure that it was me that cleared out the garage (where I suspected it would be) rather than my DP or my DM. I suppose I thought that I was already 'tainted'.
They walk amongst us, these men.

I’m so sorry for you 💐

I hope you’re doing ok now.

Error404FucksNotFound · Yesterday 22:11

dannyufcfan · Yesterday 22:09

Some disgusting comments about men in this thread.

Edited

I'm more disgusted by the things found when the men posted here died tbh.