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Finding horrible things when elderly people die. ***Edited by MNHQ to add: TW: contains details some may find upsetting including details of CSA***

465 replies

Dappy777 · Yesterday 14:16

Has anyone else cleaned out a loved one’s home and found horrible stuff?

Last year my father in law died. He was 78, had lived alone for several years and died suddenly. After his death, we went through the house and found a hidden stash of pornography. It wasn’t illegal, but the magazines were called things like ‘Babyface’ and ‘Just 18’. In other words, the models were as childlike as it was legally possible to photo. We also found several pornographic books and stuff he’d printed off the Internet. Again, it was all young and underage girls. My partner was very upset. His dad had an old laptop but my partner smashed and burned it (he was venting his anger). He said he didn’t want to know what was on there and that it was best if his father took any secrets to the grave.

Anyway, a neighbour recently told me a similar story, only in her case it was even darker. After her partner’s dad died, they found photos he had taken of young girls playing in a nearby park. She said it looked as if he’d taken them from his car. There were a lot, apparently, and she and her partner burnt everything.

I wonder how common this is? When my own father died, I found a bit of pornography, but it was all pretty tame and adult. Even that upset me though. In all three cases the men died suddenly. I suppose people with a terminal diagnosis have time to destroy such things.

OP posts:
ForCosyLion · Yesterday 21:07

Dollymylove · Yesterday 15:46

My Dad never talked about his time before he was my Dad. It was like getting blood out of a stone getting him to talk about his childhood. He was born in the 20s and his mother was an alcohol so I understand, I guess.
I didnt even know until his funeral and the minister did the eulogy, that he had done National service. It shouldnt really have ben a surprise as he was the right age to have served. The minister said that he had grown 8 inches taller during his NS, probably because he had been fed properly for the first time in his life.
Its sad really as I never really got to know him properly, he seemed to have tried to erase most of his past xx

Edited

All four of my grandparents were very reluctant to talk about the past, and my dad would often remark that that generation (Edwardians) just didn't do so.

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · Yesterday 21:08

I wonder if a thread on a predominantly male website, where someone says all women are the same, are there lots of men shouting the op down?

sammylady37 · Yesterday 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

No need for the unpleasant judgement on that poster’s personal life.

Papster · Yesterday 21:11

UnemployedNotRetired · Yesterday 15:37

Never used this company (so not a reference), but 'interesting' that they exist:

We Buy Any Porn | Specialist Discreet House Clearances & Purchasers of Vintage Erotica - We Buy Any Porn

Great to know that intimate films of auntie Joan, uncle Reg and their closest friends will be immortalised on the internet

Papster · Yesterday 21:13

sammylady37 · Yesterday 21:05

Why would he have been giving unused medication to the police?

Because he’s an idiot and thought the coroner should know

PauliesWalnuts · Yesterday 21:15

I found a Hitler Youth belt in my grandad’s things. He was a driver in North Africa during WW2 so I suspect he either took it off a dead German or asked someone else to. A colleague found a Nazi dagger in her dad’s stuff. There must be loads of it about.

ForCosyLion · Yesterday 21:16

Flicitytricity · Yesterday 16:22

Oh Gid, I cant remember them all now😏
The two I do remember - we lived in the far east when I was a child, and she brought back a coffee set, which she was hugely proud of. One of the coffee cups got broken many years ago, and I sourced a replacement, along with a cream jug she had never had. It took ages to find ( i actually had to buy a pair of cups and saucers, just for the cup)!
Another one was an old film reel of her getting married. She had the reel but bo way of watching it and I got it transferred to a video cassette.

The other stuff, I honestly cant remember, but it was always carefully considered.

Well, those gifts were so full of meaning to her, that the joke's on her because she's the one who missed out. Pearls before swine...

And you get the satisfaction of being a lovely person.

OonaStubbs · Yesterday 21:16

Not on the same level but I found out when my grandad died that he had deserted from the Navy as a young man and got married and had children in Australia. He was then recaptured by the authorities and returned to Britain where he served in the Navy again during WW2 and married my grandmother.

OohThatCat · Yesterday 21:19

I have an electric Gua Sha in my bedside drawer, tucked in a nice little silk bag. It warms slightly and vibrates and I always worry who might find if if I’m gone and not realise what it is. My husband knows it’s a Gua Sha but on occasion I worry if I go and another family member finds it, what they are going to think it is 😬

Nothing really bad from my grandparents, my grandad had some photo albums of his station in overseas in the war. The worst thing was the slightly racist language he used when labelling the photos.

SockQueen · Yesterday 21:20

Cyclebabble · Yesterday 19:55

Posted on this before. Dad died 20 years after mum who died too young of a smoking related illness. Dad had a girlfriend again in his late 70s. I amd youngest DS cleaning his house out found 13 packets of viagra. All open and partially used on top of a dresser. Youngest son was very impressed and I did not think it was a bad thing to find. It provided some levity iat a gloomy time.

The thing that would bother me most about this is the chaos of having 13 different packets open at once!🙈 Just get through one at a time!

Papster · Yesterday 21:20

Badbadbunny · Yesterday 16:29

I cleared out my father's stuff and father in law's stuff and found nothing at all of any "unsavioury" nature, not even any "top shelf" mainstream magazines. Both died unexpectedly at a relatively young age (neither had even retired) so it's not as if either expected to die and "sanitised" their stuff. The "worst" thing we found was an old polaroid picture of a random young woman stuffed inside an old wallet sat on a bench at a railway station! Mother didn't recognise her at all, so we have to assume it was an old girlfriend - the type of train and what others were dressed in in the photo background dated it to around the time he met mother!

I went on a trek and one bloke was a newsagent.
He was quickly nicknamed Topshelf

zukinizen · Yesterday 21:20

Andepeda · Yesterday 15:40

My gran always wore clean knickers when she went out 'in case she got hit by a bus'. I always clear my search history for the same reason. I really should stop googling stuff I read about on MN.

now this reminds me I don't know what is a G string

Junippa · Yesterday 21:21

ForCosyLion · Yesterday 20:58

Everybody knows that child porn means child sexual abuse material. The two things are synonymous and conflated in most people's minds. It's just a shorter form that's much quicker to type out. No one thinks for one minute that the children have consented.

Yes.

And I always think it's a bit strange how people who make a big deal of this distinction seem to be equating the word "porn" with "fully consensual, non-exploitative, harmless bit of fun." Calling something "porn" doesn't actually mean it's OK. It means that it was created for the sexual arousal of its audience. It may be sometimes be OK. Other times it may be an utter atrocity. Anything involving kids is obviously in the atrocity category.

zukinizen · Yesterday 21:21

Hardgarden · Yesterday 15:37

She sounds like she was very much a person who wanted to cut herself off from society and probably and had no need for anything. What sort of things did you give her?

Did she have a tough childhood? She just sounds like someone permanently tired of life and socialising

Notashamed13 · Yesterday 21:22

Not rtft but the older I get, the more I just get the "ick" about men....... they are literally all the same with brains in their trousers. My partner i suspect is absolutely the same as your fil given his choice of Insta follows etc. It seriously just makes me feel sick. I'm sorry you found this. YANBU

ForCosyLion · Yesterday 21:22

nopiesleftinthisvehicle · Yesterday 16:34

You beat me to it.
We need to keep saying this.

No, we don't. It's silly. EVERYONE knows that child porn is child sexual abuse material. They're one and the same.

CrowsInMyGarden · Yesterday 21:23

When my 92 year old Dad died me and my sister got the giggles as he had so many copies of the same Susan Boyle CD. I’d bought him one, she’d bought him one, other people had obviously bought him one!! Everywhere we looked there was the same CD

LeonardodVinci · Yesterday 21:24

Andepeda · Yesterday 15:40

My gran always wore clean knickers when she went out 'in case she got hit by a bus'. I always clear my search history for the same reason. I really should stop googling stuff I read about on MN.

This ^ !!!

RetroMam · Yesterday 21:24

My grandma was a troubled woman, although I absolutely adored her. She didn’t leave a will but had lots of notebooks so I went through them all to see if she’d left any information but all I found was suicide notes that had gone back for years, she’d never followed through with it but it was absolutely heartbreaking. I binned them immediately and hid it from my DM, but it still breaks my heart when I think about it.

JohnofWessex · Yesterday 21:24

I have my fathers Voigtlander Twin Lense reflex camera & my mothers Zeiss Ikontar which I think he got for her.

Given that he had landed in Normandy as part of the first wave of support troops a few days after D-Day and ended the war in Hamburg I did wonder if they might have been 'souvenirs' but there is an English Instruction manual for the Ikontar so it was obviously legit.

Cyclebabble · Yesterday 21:24

SockQueen · Yesterday 21:20

The thing that would bother me most about this is the chaos of having 13 different packets open at once!🙈 Just get through one at a time!

He was a little disorganised and had a good relationship with his GP. I can imagine him picking up a new prescription on each visit.

Bluegreenbird · Yesterday 21:25

As a single mum of three I have wondered what would happen when they turn out my drawers and find my vibrator. Then I remember I am not religious so I’ll be dead and won’t care and I assume the decades of devoted mothering will help them cope with my depravity.
If you know who I am it’s in my pyjama drawer.
I did find naturist picture of my grandparents when they died. Just put them in the bin and didn’t mention it to anyone. Glad they had fun!

JohnofWessex · Yesterday 21:26

Cyclebabble · Yesterday 21:24

He was a little disorganised and had a good relationship with his GP. I can imagine him picking up a new prescription on each visit.

Wasnt the only person he had a good relationship with! 😀

SockQueen · Yesterday 21:27

Cyclebabble · Yesterday 21:24

He was a little disorganised and had a good relationship with his GP. I can imagine him picking up a new prescription on each visit.

I can understand the medication stockpiling - it's very common. It's having multiple packets all open and on the go at once that makes my head spin! And I realise this is incredibly trivial compared with so much else in this thread.

Papster · Yesterday 21:27

mathanxiety · Yesterday 16:34

You may be unaware of recent news.

62 million men visited a site where men could learn how to drug and rape their wives.

That's rather a lot of men.

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