Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Finding horrible things when elderly people die. ***Edited by MNHQ to add: TW: contains details some may find upsetting including details of CSA***

417 replies

Dappy777 · Yesterday 14:16

Has anyone else cleaned out a loved one’s home and found horrible stuff?

Last year my father in law died. He was 78, had lived alone for several years and died suddenly. After his death, we went through the house and found a hidden stash of pornography. It wasn’t illegal, but the magazines were called things like ‘Babyface’ and ‘Just 18’. In other words, the models were as childlike as it was legally possible to photo. We also found several pornographic books and stuff he’d printed off the Internet. Again, it was all young and underage girls. My partner was very upset. His dad had an old laptop but my partner smashed and burned it (he was venting his anger). He said he didn’t want to know what was on there and that it was best if his father took any secrets to the grave.

Anyway, a neighbour recently told me a similar story, only in her case it was even darker. After her partner’s dad died, they found photos he had taken of young girls playing in a nearby park. She said it looked as if he’d taken them from his car. There were a lot, apparently, and she and her partner burnt everything.

I wonder how common this is? When my own father died, I found a bit of pornography, but it was all pretty tame and adult. Even that upset me though. In all three cases the men died suddenly. I suppose people with a terminal diagnosis have time to destroy such things.

OP posts:
Pallisers · Yesterday 14:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Oh I'd take a punt that you know some very sick men too. They don't wear it like a badge on their lapels. Hence this post about people finding out stuff when clearing out after death.

It's not all men but don't for a minute think you have wafted through the world never encountering a bad one.

Hardgarden · Yesterday 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Confuserr · Yesterday 15:02

bubblepink2749 · Yesterday 14:21

Sick. They’re all the same.

When my father died unexpectedly I cleared out his house with my siblings. We found old football memorabilia and lists of things to do in the various seaside towns he would take us to as children, to which he'd added marks out of ten, and evidently kept forever.
Obviously horrible men exist but they are, of course, not 'all the same'.

Flicitytricity · Yesterday 15:03

There's a HUGE background to this, but in the 10 years before she died, I thought i had a good relationship with my mam.
I bought Christmas and Birthday gifts with great care, trying to always make them meaningful and heartfelt.
When she died, I cleared her wardrobes out, and there were all my beautifully wrapped gifts, unopened, piled untidily in the bottom of her wardrobe.
The punch to the gut was huge.

Tsundokuer · Yesterday 15:03

We found some very disturbing erotica. Underwear and toys when cleaning out my grandmothers house. It was definitely nothing to do with my grandfather (GM had been widowed for 40 years with no other relationships and had moved house 15 or so times with nothing like that being found on any of the other moves.

Slightyamusedandsilly · Yesterday 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

It's mostly not, though is it? Most violent assault, rape, child abuse is committed by men. And sometimes it's men we know who get found out. There is still a lot that goes on that is never uncovered. And some of that will be men we know. A lot less of that goes on with women.

Dollymylove · Yesterday 15:09

Some of these finds are absolutely gross. Others are just sad. The secret babies,, The one about the urban explorers finding wooden dildos and and posting it on YouTube is awful. Disrespectful to the memory of the deceased. What if their family members saw it?

AImportantMermaid · Yesterday 15:10

A relative of mine found his birth certificate and found out his father was his mother’s brother. He was acknowledged as his son at the funeral. We were all 😮😯

RaveToTheGrave1 · Yesterday 15:11

We found letters that my grandma had written to herself and my mums father about my mum, some very nasty things were said, her father had written back and theyd sort of been discussing her and things that happened to her when she was younger and why hadnt she gotten over it, my mum was devastated and has since chosen to not read any more and gotten rid of them all and now pretends it never happened.
My other grandmother we found out she had been a land girl, nobody ever knew.

LlynTegid · Yesterday 15:11

Monty36 · Yesterday 14:34

Nothing horrible when my parents died.

Likewise nothing unpleasant either. As my mum threw virtually nothing away, a lot of interesting or pleasant surprises. A few wedding invitations including that for several lifelong friends of hers, some of whom married in the 1950s.

goody2shooz · Yesterday 15:11

Flicitytricity · Yesterday 15:03

There's a HUGE background to this, but in the 10 years before she died, I thought i had a good relationship with my mam.
I bought Christmas and Birthday gifts with great care, trying to always make them meaningful and heartfelt.
When she died, I cleared her wardrobes out, and there were all my beautifully wrapped gifts, unopened, piled untidily in the bottom of her wardrobe.
The punch to the gut was huge.

@Flicitytricity yhat is SO awful, can’t imagine your hurt. 💐💐

MabelRoyds · Yesterday 15:16

On top of the wardrobe, some old girlie magazines, pictures of girls standing naked in the woods! Very nice pictures really, the magazine was from from the early 70’s!

catipuss · Yesterday 15:19

Nothing nasty in parents or pils houses, unsurprisingly.

Hardgarden · Yesterday 15:21

Flicitytricity · Yesterday 15:03

There's a HUGE background to this, but in the 10 years before she died, I thought i had a good relationship with my mam.
I bought Christmas and Birthday gifts with great care, trying to always make them meaningful and heartfelt.
When she died, I cleared her wardrobes out, and there were all my beautifully wrapped gifts, unopened, piled untidily in the bottom of her wardrobe.
The punch to the gut was huge.

Were you never with her when it was her birthday or Christmas to see her open the presents @Flicitytricity ?

Toomuchallatonce · Yesterday 15:21

My dad passed away in December, he died on his 79th birthday and I'm so happy to say I found nothing like this, I found every card I ever gave him and a letter I wrote him in my early 20s and he even kept my wedding invite, I couldn't imagine finding something like that

tachetastic · Yesterday 15:21

bubblepink2749 · Yesterday 14:21

Sick. They’re all the same.

What, old people? Bit blanket.

Hotafternoon · Yesterday 15:22

When we cleared dad's house and contents we found nothing awful, just loads of photos of him as a young kid and when he joined the navy and was at sea. Most of it before me and my brother were born.

He had written a lot about his early life, things we never knew about him which made me feel a but sad that he'd never talked about it.

At his funeral we used a lot of the early years stuff as part of his eulogy and some of the photos on a slide during the music.

Superhansrantowindsor · Yesterday 15:23

We found one of those 1940’s dead fox scarf thingys women used to wear draped over their shoulder. I thought that was bad but the things on this thread are on another level.

DidILeaveTheGasOn · Yesterday 15:23

Bit baffled at the shock that people might have a g string, Viagra or condoms. I have vibrators in my bedside table, if I die tomorrow will the person clearing my things be absolutely horrified at the depravity?

Ultraalox · Yesterday 15:25

DidILeaveTheGasOn · Yesterday 15:23

Bit baffled at the shock that people might have a g string, Viagra or condoms. I have vibrators in my bedside table, if I die tomorrow will the person clearing my things be absolutely horrified at the depravity?

Someone will have a great time with the books on my kindle 😂.
Agree nothing wrong with any of that. Child porn however 😡

Flicitytricity · Yesterday 15:27

Hardgarden · Yesterday 15:21

Were you never with her when it was her birthday or Christmas to see her open the presents @Flicitytricity ?

Edited

We lived hundreds of miles away, so her birthday gifts were sent but most Christmases they came to us, but always in the week before Xmas, as she needed to be back before the big day, so she could spend it in her own home. She took presents home to open on the Xmas day.
That continued, even in her last two years, when we moved about 10 miles away from her. She never wanted to spend much time outside of her own home.

WildGarden · Yesterday 15:27

Nothing on the scale of awful and sad things posted here but in our parents house there was a drawer full of all the old false teeth they'd ever had. There were also jars our baby teeth and the brace I'd worn on my teeth when I was a kid.

Lord knows why they kept them but you can imagine the shock of opening that drawer for the first time.

OrangeBlossomsinthesun · Yesterday 15:32

My mother is 83 and we have been estranged for over ten years cos she's a thoroughly awful person. I am fully expecting there to be a letter for me among her things, which will be designed to make me feel as crap as possible. She's already cut me out of the will in favour of my brother but made me one of the executors 🤣.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · Yesterday 15:35

Ultraalox · Yesterday 15:25

Someone will have a great time with the books on my kindle 😂.
Agree nothing wrong with any of that. Child porn however 😡

Don't call it "Child Porn".

It's Child Sexual Abuse Material.

Hardgarden · Yesterday 15:36

OrangeBlossomsinthesun · Yesterday 15:32

My mother is 83 and we have been estranged for over ten years cos she's a thoroughly awful person. I am fully expecting there to be a letter for me among her things, which will be designed to make me feel as crap as possible. She's already cut me out of the will in favour of my brother but made me one of the executors 🤣.

You don’t have to clear it. So don’t.

Swipe left for the next trending thread