Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Finding horrible things when elderly people die. ***Edited by MNHQ to add: TW: contains details some may find upsetting including details of CSA***

706 replies

Dappy777 · 26/04/2026 14:16

Has anyone else cleaned out a loved one’s home and found horrible stuff?

Last year my father in law died. He was 78, had lived alone for several years and died suddenly. After his death, we went through the house and found a hidden stash of pornography. It wasn’t illegal, but the magazines were called things like ‘Babyface’ and ‘Just 18’. In other words, the models were as childlike as it was legally possible to photo. We also found several pornographic books and stuff he’d printed off the Internet. Again, it was all young and underage girls. My partner was very upset. His dad had an old laptop but my partner smashed and burned it (he was venting his anger). He said he didn’t want to know what was on there and that it was best if his father took any secrets to the grave.

Anyway, a neighbour recently told me a similar story, only in her case it was even darker. After her partner’s dad died, they found photos he had taken of young girls playing in a nearby park. She said it looked as if he’d taken them from his car. There were a lot, apparently, and she and her partner burnt everything.

I wonder how common this is? When my own father died, I found a bit of pornography, but it was all pretty tame and adult. Even that upset me though. In all three cases the men died suddenly. I suppose people with a terminal diagnosis have time to destroy such things.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
ForeverTheOptomist · 28/04/2026 21:02

HipsterHighStreet · 28/04/2026 20:40

Oh leave it out. You’re insisting that the anonymous commenter isn’t allowed to share their own personal experience because it’s disrespectful to an unknown and unidentifiable person who has passed away. We all would have forgotten about it anyway if you hadn’t kept going on and on and on and on and on and…

Ahha! So I am being challenged, but I'm not allowed to comment and justify the retorts that I receive? Have you told @springandeaster that she's gone on and on and on?

You want to read 'dirty' secrets. This isn't a dirty secret, it's disrespectful of the dead, and of some poor soul who died alone with only a carrier bag to vomit into.

I don't need to know his/her/they/it/whom's name.

The status of this thread was in fact updated after my first comment, and it wasn't me who alerted MN. As for me, I have been trying to 'unwatch' it for days but it keeps popping up,

I think that it would be a very good idea for you to back off. You know categorically nothing about me, who I am, what I do. I'm not going to take this shit,

.

StopThePigeonNow · 28/04/2026 21:09

👜👜👜👜👜😁

Beachtastic · 28/04/2026 21:12

Blimey

Papster · 28/04/2026 22:04

It’s kicking off Pru!

awfulapril · 29/04/2026 05:58

I wonder if @ForeverTheOptomist should I thread that she finds so disagreeable?

Floopsy · 29/04/2026 07:18

My grandma found out she was illegitimate when she was going through her mother's things after my great grandma died. Born in early 1920s. She'd always assumed her father had died while her mum was pregnant. She was pretty upset.

theworldisadarkplace · 29/04/2026 10:06

DripDripAprilshower · 27/04/2026 12:52

It’s amazing how many posters are claiming to have found illegal sexual assault images but not one poster has mention anything about reporting to the police so they can protect the survivors or find the perpetrators.

Did you not see my post only three hours before yours, @DripDripAprilshower ?
Have a little look through. I'll await your apology.

DripDripAprilshower · 29/04/2026 10:10

theworldisadarkplace · 29/04/2026 10:06

Did you not see my post only three hours before yours, @DripDripAprilshower ?
Have a little look through. I'll await your apology.

You will be waiting a long time.

theworldisadarkplace · 29/04/2026 10:22

DripDripAprilshower · 29/04/2026 10:10

You will be waiting a long time.

That's ok, @DripDripAprilshower . I understand.

Some people just are too stubborn to admit when they've made a mistake. Particularly when the topic is such a sensitive one.

ForeverTheOptomist · 29/04/2026 13:18

awfulapril · 29/04/2026 05:58

I wonder if @ForeverTheOptomist should I thread that she finds so disagreeable?

Sorry, but I don't understand this?

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 29/04/2026 18:33

My mother died in January and my dad died a couple of years earlier. I've been clearing their 5 bedroom country house. It's an epic job.

The private discoveries I've made have been very moving. Cards and little gift box̌es with the sweetest messages and little jokes. They were married for nearly 70 years and everything I've found shows the happiness they displayed to the world was underpinned by the deep, sincere love they expressed to each other in private. Not that's a surprise but it is a comfort.

deeahgwitch · 29/04/2026 19:05

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 29/04/2026 18:33

My mother died in January and my dad died a couple of years earlier. I've been clearing their 5 bedroom country house. It's an epic job.

The private discoveries I've made have been very moving. Cards and little gift box̌es with the sweetest messages and little jokes. They were married for nearly 70 years and everything I've found shows the happiness they displayed to the world was underpinned by the deep, sincere love they expressed to each other in private. Not that's a surprise but it is a comfort.

Ah that’s lovely ❤️@PrawnofthePatriarchy

Carla786 · 30/04/2026 04:42

Damnloginpopup · 28/04/2026 00:27

I can tell you straight that chatgpt is talking out of its arse. It has no ability to say "I dunno, I don't really understand the question or how to answer it." I see the death of historical accuracy from this lazy reliance on AI. It's most definitely NOT research.

Nb I'm a historian..a seperate specific area but with some knowledge of both Soviet female soldiers and German female camo guards amongst other general background knowledge. Women like Grese weren't uncommon in the Kz and were notably sadistic.

Edited

I know it isn't that reliable and I intend to research more later.
I understand there were sadistic guards in the women's camps : are you sure they were notably worse or more common than the men's guards though? I've never questioned that there were sadistic female guards, simply the pp's assertion that : ' it was well known that the women guards in Ravensbruck, the majority-female concentration camp, were more brutal than the men (italics mine).'

My knowledge of concentration camps comes mainly from the few memoirs I've read like Primo Levi, so I accept that's not much, but there certainly seemed to be many highly sadistic guards there.

Carla786 · 30/04/2026 04:45

CharleneElizabethBaltimore · 28/04/2026 01:12

i think some dont like to think that females can be as bad or worse than males when given power to rule or command etc

I've never questioned that there were sadistic female guards, simply the assertion they were worse than the male guards : 'it was well known that the women guards in Ravensbruck, the majority-female concentration camp, were more brutal than the men.'

Carla786 · 30/04/2026 05:16

SoftlyDoesntIt · 26/04/2026 16:33

My ex was like this. I discovered an order form for videos from Rotterdam (pre-internet) when looking for a bank statement. I was stunned at the nature of the ones he had ordered. I left the following week and slept on a trampoline at work until the end of my contract : (

Sounds like things were really up and down for a while there.

Do you really think that's a good post to joke about?

Apprentice26 · 30/04/2026 07:35

Carla786 · 30/04/2026 04:45

I've never questioned that there were sadistic female guards, simply the assertion they were worse than the male guards : 'it was well known that the women guards in Ravensbruck, the majority-female concentration camp, were more brutal than the men.'

Is it a well-known fact? Who documented this evidence and who compared it?

MoonChild111 · 30/04/2026 08:56

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 29/04/2026 18:33

My mother died in January and my dad died a couple of years earlier. I've been clearing their 5 bedroom country house. It's an epic job.

The private discoveries I've made have been very moving. Cards and little gift box̌es with the sweetest messages and little jokes. They were married for nearly 70 years and everything I've found shows the happiness they displayed to the world was underpinned by the deep, sincere love they expressed to each other in private. Not that's a surprise but it is a comfort.

This is so lovely to read, thank you for sharing 🥰

Yodellayhehoo · 30/04/2026 09:13

Fairyliz · 26/04/2026 19:48

I’m currently sorting out the house of an elderly relative and I’m shocked to find out what a thief he was. The garage and loft are jam packed with stuff he stole from his previous employer that he retired from 25 years.
It’s the equivalent of someone who worked in an office not just nicking a few envelopes, but 10,000 envelopes, 5000 rolls of sellotape and 500 staplers. God now’s what he intended doing with it all, he certainly couldn’t use it in 20 lifetimes.

I dont know if its possible to return it all or would it look somehow!

JohnofWessex · 30/04/2026 14:49

My father made several variants of the same point which was that there were certain things he would not have in the house because inevitably my brothers and I would find them - one of the reasons why he was so horrified about the Americans and guns.

Which of course inevitably begs the question about why so many women find porn on their partners computers FFS...........

Quicknamechange2025 · 01/05/2026 13:20

HaveYouHadYourBreak · 26/04/2026 22:27

"Dress like a sexy school girl" club nights were a thing when I was at uni. Obviously modern eyes tell us how awful that was and now I'm embarrassed that I took part but I enjoyed it at the time.

However, my now husband and a lot of other male friends felt very uncomfortable with it and thought it was inappropriate so didnt join in. Other men went but made a point of not going home with the women dressed like children. There were also plenty of men, who like me, took part because they thought it was harmless fun but in hindsight feel yukky about it.

My point is, that these men "aren't like that". This was 25+ years ago so not the most enlightened period for these discussions.

Things change, I remember when the song Kinky Boots was re-released and people were singing along. I couldn't get my head round the line 'sexy little school girls' and I was at school.

TorroFerney · 01/05/2026 14:03

ForeverTheOptomist · 28/04/2026 20:34

In memoriam? Bit of respect perhaps?

FFS.

Am amused at you typing the word respect and then swearing at me . Is respect only for the dead?!

Quicknamechange2025 · 01/05/2026 15:01

RupertTheBlackCat · 27/04/2026 09:16

Sadly it's not only after death that men inflict this grossness on women and girls. My father had a stash of pornography that he simply left around the house, so I saw it from a very young age; I have no doubt that I was damaged by this. My mother was complicit (they were both alcoholics).

One day, many years later, I discovered that my husband had casually left a pornographic magazine on our young daughter's bed (he was "passing by and put it down for a moment and forgot"). My hatred for him began then, but due to his controlling violence it took another nine years to escape him.

Omg he tried to groom her???

awfulapril · 02/05/2026 10:21

There was a whole restaurant in the city called school dinners as recently as the 90s
Young women dressed up as schoolgirl and served pervy middle-age men school food

JohnofWessex · 02/05/2026 11:16

awfulapril · 02/05/2026 10:21

There was a whole restaurant in the city called school dinners as recently as the 90s
Young women dressed up as schoolgirl and served pervy middle-age men school food

I remember it - it was in Bristol

HipsterHighStreet · 02/05/2026 11:21

awfulapril · 02/05/2026 10:21

There was a whole restaurant in the city called school dinners as recently as the 90s
Young women dressed up as schoolgirl and served pervy middle-age men school food

I never knew that was real!!! I read about it in a novel once (the name escapes me just now, the author was Serena Mackesy) and thought she’d made it up! Am shocked!

Swipe left for the next trending thread