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Finding horrible things when elderly people die. ***Edited by MNHQ to add: TW: contains details some may find upsetting including details of CSA***

465 replies

Dappy777 · Yesterday 14:16

Has anyone else cleaned out a loved one’s home and found horrible stuff?

Last year my father in law died. He was 78, had lived alone for several years and died suddenly. After his death, we went through the house and found a hidden stash of pornography. It wasn’t illegal, but the magazines were called things like ‘Babyface’ and ‘Just 18’. In other words, the models were as childlike as it was legally possible to photo. We also found several pornographic books and stuff he’d printed off the Internet. Again, it was all young and underage girls. My partner was very upset. His dad had an old laptop but my partner smashed and burned it (he was venting his anger). He said he didn’t want to know what was on there and that it was best if his father took any secrets to the grave.

Anyway, a neighbour recently told me a similar story, only in her case it was even darker. After her partner’s dad died, they found photos he had taken of young girls playing in a nearby park. She said it looked as if he’d taken them from his car. There were a lot, apparently, and she and her partner burnt everything.

I wonder how common this is? When my own father died, I found a bit of pornography, but it was all pretty tame and adult. Even that upset me though. In all three cases the men died suddenly. I suppose people with a terminal diagnosis have time to destroy such things.

OP posts:
inickedthisname · Yesterday 20:44

redboxer321 · Yesterday 20:15

Agree. There's lots of shame on this thread. Shame that women should not feel but do, shame that men don't feel but should, shame used as a parenting technique by parents who were probably doing as their parents did rather than doing a better job...

What I don't understand is people finding things on the deceased person's phone or laptop. Unless I had reason to, I would simply reset to factory settings and recycle the device. I hope that is what people will do for me. Not that there's anything dodgy, it's just respectful, surely? Unless I'm missing something which I may be as I've not been through it yet.

I think if my DH died, I would have to go on his phone to get numbers of people to call. I don’t really have numbers for his friends or relatives, and he doesn’t really have mine either. Well, I have his dad and he has my mum but we both have 2 parents, siblings etc. Also, I know my DH just saves new numbers without deleting old ones so I would go in his call history or messages to see the most recently used.

So I imagine the adult son of the above poster might have been doing that and found messages arranging meetings with prostitutes? (Sorry it wasn’t the posters son, but in her story).

merrymelody · Yesterday 20:44

Not quite the same but this gave me chills… I found out that my stepmother threw out every gift I’d given my dad after he passed away; every letter, drawing and painting too. Her level of hatred for me was next level.

deeahgwitch · Yesterday 20:44

“….I never did take to the upstairs work.”
I love it @GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER 😂

yjo25 · Yesterday 20:45

justasking111 · Yesterday 14:40

A box of condoms in FILs spare wheel cover. MIL had clamped her knees shut at 40. FIL died decades later.

Honestly thought you was going to say …….. FIL died as a result 🙈

inickedthisname · Yesterday 20:46

Namingbaba · Yesterday 20:37

I should do some Swedish death cleaning. I don’t have anything creepy. I think I have old notebooks filled of diary entries where I just moan about things and probably sound immensely self involved and miserable.

Yes I have some old poetry I wrote as a young teen and it should have been thrown out long ago 😬

MyTrivia · Yesterday 20:50

Men are dusgusting.

Aworldofwonder · Yesterday 20:50

Catsarestillflumpy · Yesterday 17:37

Most men like barely legal girls. He’s not an outlier. Research has shown this. Most men are secret almost paedophiles. God knows I’ve come across many - ‘can you dress in school uniform,’ can you pretend to be 16, can you pretend to be my daughter’s best friend.’ Men are relentless

Ok I really don't think saying 'most men's is helpful when your evidence is anecdotal.

I've slept with approx 100 men (not interested in opinions on this btw), dated many more and nobody has ever said anything like this to me.

NewspaperTaxis · Yesterday 20:53

corkscissorschalk · Yesterday 18:05

Sorry to put it bluntly, but these examples are all within your family.
Your father enjoyed awful stuff and raised 2 sons who you say are both horrible. You went on to choose 2 partners who were both horrible, and I’m not saying that was in any way your fault, but there is an element of how you were raised when choosing a partner.

The majority of heterosexual men are turned on by sexual imagery of women, full stop.
But the majority of those who are turned on by awful abusive degrading situations are those raised by or whose only male role models are horrible abusive men, therefore they tend to attract each other in families and friend groups.
That’s why in some circles lots of men are awful, but in others it’s equally normal to generally only know good kind men.

Plus, they are all state operators. This is where my own bias kicks in tbf, but the British State is where all the thugs and weirdos reside, largely because they know they can get away with it, there's the feeling of safety. At the extreme end, those with dirty secrets are invaluable because if known about, they're hardly going to rat on the State's dirty secrets, and there are many.

ForCosyLion · Yesterday 20:53

WildGarden · Yesterday 15:27

Nothing on the scale of awful and sad things posted here but in our parents house there was a drawer full of all the old false teeth they'd ever had. There were also jars our baby teeth and the brace I'd worn on my teeth when I was a kid.

Lord knows why they kept them but you can imagine the shock of opening that drawer for the first time.

teeth dentures GIF

🤣🤣🤣

Aworldofwonder · Yesterday 20:55

merrymelody · Yesterday 20:44

Not quite the same but this gave me chills… I found out that my stepmother threw out every gift I’d given my dad after he passed away; every letter, drawing and painting too. Her level of hatred for me was next level.

That is unspeakably cruel, I'm sorry. My SD is an awful person and I would never ever do anything to get in the way of her and her dad.

I had a complicated relationship with my own father. He took ill suddenly and died in hospital, I went to clean out his house and found it filled with photos of me, cards I'd sent him and my old report cards and old artwork. It gave me comfort that he knew despite our differences how much I loved him.

AgentPidge · Yesterday 20:55

Superhansrantowindsor · Yesterday 15:23

We found one of those 1940’s dead fox scarf thingys women used to wear draped over their shoulder. I thought that was bad but the things on this thread are on another level.

That takes me right back to my childhood (1960s) in church with my parents. We always sat in the same place and there was this ancient lady in front of us who wore one of those. Its' face was over her shoulder and its' little beady eyes would be looking at me! She had huge pins sticking out of her hat too.

Magicschoolbusdropout · Yesterday 20:57

Jane143 · Yesterday 20:24

What on earth is a fleshlight? Do you mean flashlight ?

Edited

Nope

A fleshlight-its a plastic/rubber vagina that men wank into

A flashlight wouldn't have made the poor woman want to buy eye bleach-the photos where bad enough

Apparently it had been well used

ForCosyLion · Yesterday 20:58

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · Yesterday 15:35

Don't call it "Child Porn".

It's Child Sexual Abuse Material.

Everybody knows that child porn means child sexual abuse material. The two things are synonymous and conflated in most people's minds. It's just a shorter form that's much quicker to type out. No one thinks for one minute that the children have consented.

Undercookedby10 · Yesterday 21:01

cupfinalchaos · Yesterday 14:32

No they’re not all the same.

No they are not. My dad lived alone for 20 years and his passing was sudden. I cleaned out his house and found a load of books on boats, emails to friends, organ music, photographs of family.... They're not all awful. But horrendous to find something I'm sure.

Papster · Yesterday 21:01

A close friend died of a heart attack. I found huge quantities of heart medication prescribed after earlier attack . He was in financial difficulties and I suspect it was passive suicide. I stopped his brother giving them to the police and burned them.

NonComm · Yesterday 21:02

@theworldisadarkplace- You are not tainted - I think that you sound like a very strong and caring person.

FarmGirl78 · Yesterday 21:02

Giant bucket of poo in the kitchen in my Great-Aunt's house but that's about it.

zukinizen · Yesterday 21:02

Apprentice26 · Yesterday 17:51

sadly, it’s not. There was an Australian study. I can’t remember the numbers and I’m not gonna make them up but it was bloody horrifying. How many would sleep with under underage girls if the Law wasn’t there
Russell Brand has admitted he shagged a 16-year-old when he was a 30-year-old man and thinks that’s entirely defensible on the basis that she was legal

how is it rubbish? The whole American ruling class of men right now, including their president are in someone's files and no one has been brought to justice - we all thought the Americans and their rulers are supposed to be creme de la creme ...what the Royals here....where is the justice?

WildGarden · Yesterday 21:03

ForCosyLion · Yesterday 20:53

🤣🤣🤣

OMG Having flashbacks now 😂

FarmGirl78 · Yesterday 21:04

FarmGirl78 · Yesterday 21:02

Giant bucket of poo in the kitchen in my Great-Aunt's house but that's about it.

Oh, nope, forgot. Sanitary towels which had been used as incontinence pads stuffed in drawers, cupboards, everywhere, in another Great Aunt's house.

sammylady37 · Yesterday 21:05

Papster · Yesterday 21:01

A close friend died of a heart attack. I found huge quantities of heart medication prescribed after earlier attack . He was in financial difficulties and I suspect it was passive suicide. I stopped his brother giving them to the police and burned them.

Why would he have been giving unused medication to the police?

zukinizen · Yesterday 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ForCosyLion · Yesterday 21:06

ProudAmberTurtle · Yesterday 15:53

If the girls he printed pictures of off the internet were underage then that wouldn't be legal OP

But he was dead, so what do you suggest she do?

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · Yesterday 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

No wonder what?

FashionVixen · Yesterday 21:07

theworldisadarkplace · Yesterday 14:26

My father abused me and my friends when we were little.
When he died I found magazines depicting images of child sex abuse and violence towards pregnant women. One article was even called 'Daddy's Little Girl'. I suspected this stuff was around and I made sure that it was me that cleared out the garage (where I suspected it would be) rather than my DP or my DM. I suppose I thought that I was already 'tainted'.
They walk amongst us, these men.

I am so sorry this happened to you.

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