EBSA support thread 2

[Luddite26]

Hopefully this links to Brambley Hedges EBSA support thread.
A community to discuss the processes and support each other when children are experiencing Emotionally Based School Avoidance.

@ISaySteadyOn that is wonderful news about today. 3 out of 3 is a mega win.

@Jimmyneutronsforehead definitely always loved music! She used to do guitar and drum lessons between 7-9ish but then struggled with it as they were in the evening and she found coming home from school then going out again difficult. So she gave it up. She has said she would like to pick them back up again so I’m hoping she does as she’s naturally very good! They do lessons in school time so I am going to explore that if she manages to attend more regularly. But anything music, theatre, creative (including writing) is very much her jam 🩷

@Leafywool DS also loves making music. We got him the kidi DJ mixer and drum set last year for christmas and he's just figured it out all on himself.

We've been looking at the blipbox for him for christmas as we're trying to be very intentional with gifts this year and it sounds like something your DD might enjoy too if she's the creative sort.

How's everyone's morning going?

DS went in again but we had a lot of resistance this morning. He was saying he feels sick and hid in the bathroom past setting off time and then when I went in to get him he had done a wee everywhere but the toilet so had to clean that up.

He came out of school yesterday with another scrape on his face from another child so thats 2 days in a row he's been injured. The way it was described to me was that he was sat next to someone at a table and then this child forcefully got up from the table and accidentally scuffed DS across the face and at the time DS didn't even realise he had a graze, but by the time he came out it was raised, grazed and bruised all around it and he took a lot of consoling last night.

We had another meltdown about not being able to find the perfect plaster for it, but eventually and nonsensically he settled on having a wrist support strap on instead and we just rolled with it because whatever makes you feel safe man.

I've told his teacher this morning that I know accidents happen but can they please just make sure someone is sat between him and any other children to reassure him he isn't going to get hurt, even accidentally. I've also told DS he is allowed to say he needs space to his teachers, but it does seem like space is the issue. They just don't have any. 10 kids per class, 5-6 adults per class, and teeny tiny rooms.

Tiramisu and a full (or rather empty) house for the win.

@Jimmyneutronsforehead very hard to build psychological safety when he is coming home injured isn't it. All this talk of building resilience - these kids already have more than most just to get through the door at all. You post reminded me of a t shirt DS used to have - "give me some spaaace, man" with a picture of an astronaut on it. He used to love it. I cut the sleeves down in the end so he could wear it in summer too.

DS was complaining yesterday that college was boring because he didn't have much to do . Quite some progress from when going in 4 days a week for 2-3 hours a time was a stretch target.

@Piony it is. I'm writing up some questions for parents evening because the more I think about it, the more confused I am.

What she said yesterday is that it's a circular table, all the kids are sat round it. It was at this table both instances occurred. It's tight and it's cramped in, so 10 kids, I'm assuming the 5-6 adults aren't next to each child because I've seen the classroom size and it's not big enough for a table that could seat 10 children and 5 adults.

His EHCP review has been sent off and they've agreed to amend it so I'm waiting for the draft and I'm compiling all of my questions about suitability of placement.

It sounds like the environment isn't suitable for many of the children given it is so small, and even if the dysregulation doesn't lead to targeted behaviours towards other staff and pupils, proximity is an issue and it's caused 2 consecutive days of unintended harm, close to the eyes.

I know DS isn't perfect and has his own behaviours but they accepted him into this school, offered him a place knowing needing personal space and space to move was a big deal for him because proximity is a big trigger for him. It's why a lot of consulted schools said they couldn't accomodate him and all of them were much bigger than this one. I'm surprised on both accounts he hasn't retaliated but I think it's a matter of when, not if, should this continue.

I also know that they're classing these 2 incidents as accidents, and they said it was unpredictable, but I disagree in premise because whilst they can't anticipate every child's actions they do know they have very little space to work with and I think putting a large round table in the middle that takes up most of the free flowing space creates a very anticipatory risk of proximity based injuries.

They've said before that the aim of the round table is to provide a communal eating setting as they use lunchtimes to promote social inclusion and interaction which sounds nice on paper, but it's definitely making DS retreat. And it could absolutely just be a coincidence that DS has been injured 2 days in a row but I'm aware that every single child in that classroom is there because they have very specific needs that can't be accomodated elsewhere and that will include unpredictable behaviours so if DS is the first child to be injured by this set up which I doubt, he also certainly won't be the last.

@Jimmyneutronsforehead I’m sorry he’s been hurt again 🙁 It seems crazy to me that they would set the school up in a space with such small rooms. Surely if anyone need extra space, it’s children with SEN! Same point with the old car park issue too. It sounds like they are muddling through with what they have available which isn’t ideal at all. And incidents like these are the types of things which set our children back massively when they have made so much progress. When is parents evening? I think it’s soon if I remember rightly? I wish we had parents evening soon as I would love to speak to all of DD’s teachers but I think it’s not until March.

@Jimmyneutronsforehead I’m sorry DS has been hurt. You are right that even if something isn’t intentional it can still sometimes be predictable.

His EHCP review has been sent off and they've agreed to amend it so I'm waiting for the draft

If the LA has agreed to amend, the LA should have sent the draft/amendment notice/notice of amendment (whatever you want to call it) at the same time the LA told you they propose to amend.

Dd is in today. She did actually get up happily when I woke her up at 6 and start getting ready, then various things went wrong in her routine. It was touch and go for a bit but then she did her amazing thing of pulling herself together and working through it. I ended up driving her over and she was 10 minutes late but definitely a win. The Sendco called me and said he’s going to get the RP Sendco to contact me re DD’s RP place. They will introduce her to it (either with or without me present depending on what she prefers) and take it from there.

We have realised there’s another train which stops at a station 15/20 mins drive away that has more regular services in the morning, so if she misses the local one there’s another 2 from the other station at a later time which will still get her to school on time. So our plan this weekend is to park up and do a recce on where to go to catch that train. It would give her an extra 30 minutes in the morning which I think will make a big difference. Not ideal to have to do a 40 min round trip but it’s better than well over and hour to drive her all the way to school if she misses the train. I do say to everyone I would literally drive her every day if it meant she would attend! But thankfully she prefers the train anyway 😄

It sounds like it comes down to the basic problem, same as with the access, that someone decided to site the school where it was cheapest rather than where it could actually meet the needs of the children.

that sounds like a great find @Leafywool .

@2x4greenbrick I think they have sent notice to amend. We're at this stage atm

@Piony this is exactly it. There was a big initiative for more specialist schools being built in our area about 18 months ago and then last year they pulled the funding and instead local councils offered grants of up to £10million for specialists to utilise additional space within existing premises.

They had started building a specialist with the capacity for 50 pupils and then the funding got pulled before completion, so that got halted, and the developers said they actually need about another 8-10 million to complete so the planning was reassessed and they've decided to resume with the project but now this school only has capacity for 40 pupils.

DSs school was apparently listed as an interim school, but this hasn't been communicated to me, it's just something I've found out through digging, so I think they're at capacity because purpose built schools are expensive.

Although it makes you really stop and wonder where all of the money is going because I think I could organise the development of a specialist school for 40-50 pupils for less than £18-20 million, and once it's built if it isn't something absolutely state of the art with all the bells and whistles then I will get really suspicious.

@Leafywool that does sound like a great find and not just because it is useful. Finding different ways of getting somewhere gives you a sort of ownership of the destination I think. We found a slightly quicker way through one.of the underground stations and I just feel better about it all.

I can't believe I am saying this and I am so happy to be saying it: I am no longer worried about DS. He has got this. And he is proud of himself.

@Jimmyneutronsforehead if the LA has informed you they proposed to amend, which your screenshot suggests the have, you should have received the draft/notice of amendment with the proposed amendments at the same time.

@Leafywool I’m glad DD has made it in today. I hope the other trains help.

@2x4greenbrick ah, no they've not sent any proposed amendment. What bloody buggers

@Jimmyneutronsforehead I would chase them.

@ISaySteadyOn Wow that is massive!! Well done to you and also well done to DS. He should definitely be proud of himself. I think we all hope to be able to say the same at some point. I am genuinely very happy to read that! 😁😁😁

I emailed them and got a very swift response. Unusual for our local office.

@Jimmyneutronsforehead yes, you will get at least 15 days to make representations, but that is a separate point to the one I’m making.

If the LA has informed you they propose to amend, they should have sent the proposed amendments at the same time. See here.

@2x4greenbrick thank you.

I'll have a look at that and email them back. My original email to them said I have received the notice to amend and have not received the proposed amendments alongside, and can I please have them today.

That is three in today again and DD1 5 whole days in. I am very proud of her. Also, from what she tells me, I think a lad in her class might have made a clumsy attempt to flirt with her 😄. She's pre Raphaelite beautiful so I am not surprised. Hope everyone else's days are going well.

@ISaySteadyOn Great news!! My dd has the same issue at her new school. Lots of boys coming up to her and telling her she’s ‘leng’ and ‘well fit’ which she finds gross and tells them to F off 🤣

She has gone in again today happily, despite telling me it’s her worst day for lessons today, that’s 2 and a bit days this week 🙏🏻

What on this good green earth is leng?!

No idea, but don't worry, by the time your DS is 15 , it will all have changed and you still won't know anything about the slang 😆.

@Leafywool from what DD1 tells me, he sounded like a pretty nice lad really and I think she would rather like someone to notice her. She's going to be 16 soon.

My brother is 10 years younger than me, and he once came home and said the word poggers and I felt a new creak in my knees developing.

Still no idea what that means either.