You’re out for a coffee, cake and people watching in a cafe, what annoys you and spoils the experience?

[Britpopbaby]

People who “talk” so loudly that even in a busy cafe you can follow their full conversation.

Each to their own, but properly prepared coffee isn't supposed to be that hot. It's meant to be between 68–79°C.

Fair enough. I'm not a coffee aficionado but I don't like it cool enough that I could just neck it and if I don't it's stone cold within a few minutes.

As I gather from this thread:
You may not speak to your child - and most definitely not in a way that's engaging to the child - I assume a quick hiss of 'be quiet' is acceptable
You may not give them electronics
They may not make a sound

Got it.

Annoyingly loud background music
Dogs

There is a cafe near where I live. It’s a relatively well off neighbourhood and the cafe has a very loyal clientele. Mainly because the standards are very consistent, it’s dog and child friendly, and it’s easily one of the few nice cafe spaces in the city that ticks those boxes. The service is very efficient. I have been going in there for years, and while I was on maternity leave was in there multiple times a week usually having lunch and or tea and cake either on my own or with my friends. Despite going in there regularly, and the staff staying more or less the same, there is never any flash of recognition or acknowledgement that you’re in regularly when you go to the counter. It really pisses me off. I think because everything is so expensive now. The service is so transactional and cold and totally at odds with what the ethos of the cafe claims to be as a local business. It was run by someone for ages and has recently changed hands, and it’s still the same! So that’s my bug bear.

Noisy children being allowed to run riot. Noisy phones.

I suppose I’m ‘giving a lovely performance’ whenever I’m talking to my son in public, because i narrate what’s happening and refer to myself in the third person - because his speech therapists told me to!

When people reserve tables before getting their food

other people's kids

Dirt on the floor/table

Loud background noise/scraping of chairs

Performance parenting

Dogs without a lead near me.

Intermittent wafts of the smell of bleach from the loo, or draughts.... not pleasant.

And yeah, disappointing cake is a scunner.

Haha. Yes. Maybe best watching a video on YouTube.

I remember the days when it was considered rude to talk on a mobile phone in a cafe.

People holding business meetings on their laptops at high volume who think everyone wants to know the details of their business.

When people get up from their table and don’t put their stuff back on the tray for the waiting staff to remove easily and quickly, but instead leave it )and a mess) on the table.

YY to performative parenting - which isn’t a conversation with their child but a performance which doesn’t allow the child any input at all. None of us care that your child loves hummus and the oatcakes aren’t as good as the ones you make together at home.

@Singsonggsu same goes for heating up
Scones'

My only complaint is how noisy it is in there, mostly the back ground music and the noise of the coffee machines, i feel like i was shouting to be heard over it all, so yeah thats my bug bear, its too noisy.

Dry cake (i'm looking at you starbucks), stewed tea, hot chocolate too sweet then chilly drafts, uncomfy chairs, sticky table, smelly, dirty loo, especially if you can smell it when people open the door, other customers being noisy.

Honestly these days I think I prefer a nice pot of tea at home with a slice of homemade cake as I know both will be good!

Random men of course but just ignore them, as in totally blank them, they don't like it but what can they do!

Cheap coffee syrups. People staring at me/talking to me instead of maintaining the social veneer of slight ignoring whilst also being courteous in the same space. People ~men~ standing up and sort of coughing or clearing their throat over the general seated crowd before they leave, ugh. Phonecalls should be almost imperceptible or taken outside. Sharing tables makes me want to die, I will avoid those bench seat kind of places. It's not a treat if it's set up like an army canteen! People letting their kids go to the toilet alone, unless they are very well trained then they are almost certainly leaving water everywhere, not flushing the toilet and trying to get away with not washing their hands. And my number one most hated thing- people (let's face it, it's usually men) table blocking the best/biggest tables with their single laptop and reams of work crap while they stretch a coffee over two hours. Rude! I wish the cafe owners would fuck them off out. See also; chip pan smells penetrating deeply into my coat and scarf (need better extractor fans tlin the kitchen), and lack of restocking toilet roll, soap etc.

Yes, people having loud, self-important work meetings.
Noisy kids.
The door opening and shutting and letting in an Arctic wind every few minutes.
Why do you ask, OP?

Strangers asking to join my table. I came out alone to enjoy some alone time.maybe with my book. I don't wish for you to join me or to be your therapist.

People

Loud children.

Also, the sort of middle class people that feel everyone needs to hear their conversation about their art, work, kitchen etc so they can't keep it at a normal volume.

Bad coffee is also not ideal.

Smokers sitting near the door so it wafts in or at summer sitting down next to me outside and leaving dirty ashtrays.
Finding a quiet corner to be invaded by screaming children climbing over tables and grabbing my stuff.

People in meetings on their laptops, sticky tables/floors, dry cake.

Dry cake is an offense against god. Cake expensive and bad for us, so it ought to justify the calories by being completely delicious.
I used to know which were the best cafés for cake locally but since lockdown etc most have changed hands and staff, and I can't reliably say which ones have good cake anymore.

Currently in a cafe there is a man with his phone on speaker. Giving him daggers.

Trying to summon up the courage to ask him to shut up.