You’re out for a coffee, cake and people watching in a cafe, what annoys you and spoils the experience?

[Britpopbaby]

People who “talk” so loudly that even in a busy cafe you can follow their full conversation.

Happy to share a table BUT DO NOT TRY AND TALK TO ME.

And loud performative meetings / phonecalls / parenting / whatevering.

But general chatter makes for good people watching!

When people decide to come with me! I can sit for an hour though, with a cup of tea and then a hot chocolate and a cake, watching the people, reading my book/phone or writing.

I can easily zone out and ignore most noise and busy-ness so other people and their kids don't really annoy me much; what I absolutely hated was when I said I was off to sit in the coffee shop when a woman I knew was going to do something with my dh and dc - something I was happy to miss out on as I had no interest in it at all - said she'd come with me. When I said that it was fine and that I wanted to go by myself, she ignored me and came along, and then started chelping on about how she hated this, that and the other about the lovely, independent shop I'd decided to go to. I don't like her though and avoid her as much as possible so it was worse than if, for instance, one of my siblings decided to come along.

Tables to close together so someone knocks into you with their chair.

People using Facetime or similar.
People who don't make their children sit quietly.
People who use any screens with the sound on.
Any excess noise.
Tables not cleared properly of crockery etc.

It's performative and not done for the child at all, it's always ridiculously loud too.

Wobbly table so your coffee slops everywhere anytime you move!!

I have noticed parents doing this, but I always assumed that with very small children you have to talk a little louder and clearer. I don't find it performative.

Babies/toddlers watching Peppa pig full blast on a tablet/parents phone 😔

Oh, and there being an acquaintance in there. Not a close friend who I can gossip with, but someone who will insist on small talk. No no no no.

Someone asking to share my table! Sorry I know it’s incredibly antisocial of me but it puts me on edge and I can never relax.

dogs inside the cafe

if the tables and/or chairs are sticky

People who are have a particularly juicy conversation, but are speaking too quietly!!

Kids running amok

Exactly this

Nothing. Except sitting too near the loos like in Motherland). Going out for coffee and cake isn't compulsory, so if it was likely to be horrible, I don't go.

When the cake you've been salivating over turns out to be dry and several days older than it should be, but you haven't got time to queue up and complain/get it replaced. Or your coffee isn't hot enough (this happens far too often)

you mean speaking to their children?

Children.

Each to their own, but properly prepared coffee isn't supposed to be that hot. It's meant to be between 68–79°C.

I like going for tea/coffee solo so I really resent it when others ask to share my table. I was accosted the other day by two ladies who asked to sit with me. I was on a little table that could seat three (at a push), and there were several other tables free.

I replied, "look if you cannot find another table you are welcome to sit here, but I really want to sit by myself today". They shuffled off, having said, oh this table is nearest the counter, but we'll go over there.

And loud background music. Why? Why does it have to be so loud!!

Would you rather the parents don't talk to their kids and sit on their phones ignoring Hugo?

Wandering dogs.
Wandering children.
Milk jugs which don't pour properly so it goes everywhere.

Reminds me of Catherine Tate doing her "gooseberry and cinnamon yoghurt" routine.

She's so good.

Children who wail, scream and have a full on meltdown, riling everyone in the vicinity. Parents carry on eating and say/do nothing.

Other people and bad coffee.

So I always have coffee at home in peace, where the coffee is always good.