Teenage girls dating older guys, is this now less of an issue than in the 90s?

[brassbuttons]

When I was a teenager in the 1990s I started dating at 14 and while I mostly dated boys who were 2 -3 years older than me I did also have male friends in their 20's and even once went on a couple of dates with a man who was 20 years older than me in his mid 30's (nothing happened!). It wasn't that unusual for girls I knew at high school to be dating guys in their 20's and it was a bit of kudos to have an older guy pick you up from school in their car or works van. I come from a good home with involved parents but I also did get a good bit of freedom to do my own thing and it didn't do any damage so I still did well in my exams, went to university, got a first and got a career, marriage and family.

Perhaps I was very lucky that nothing bad happened to me but as the years have gone by I am a bit 🤔at the 20 something and 30 something guys who pursued me when I was in my mid teens. I have daughters myself now coming up to that age and I really don't like the idea of them dating boys much older than them or having to fend off the advances of adult males. I recently watched videos women in their 30's now who had a pretty traumatic time of it with drugs, mental health disorders and being sexually exploited by older men in their teens and early 20's buying into all the chat these men gave them about being so mature for their age did ring a bit of a disturbing bell for me, I have to stress I wasn't sleeping with men in their 20's or older as a teenager but I did go out with some and I did tend to date older teenage boys in general.

I do want my kids to have some freedom as I felt my freedom at that age really benefited me but at the same time I also want to protect them from those who would exploit them. I am thinking that things have changed and that it would now be seen as highly unacceptable for men in their 20's and 30's to pursue teenage girls by their friends and families? Does this sort of thing still happen or is it rarer now?

Back in the 70s I had schoolfrriends who at 13 were dating 18 year olds, yes and sleeping with them. I shouldn't think their parents knew about it

At 14/15 it was the thing to date boys who were 18 or 19. Everyone wanted a boyfriend with a car. it probably led to us being pressured into too serious relationships too soon. I’m glad it’s not really a thing now. Dds and their friends don’t seem to have ever dated anyone more than a year older than them.

There were quite a few 15/16 year old girls in the mid 80's at my school in relationships with older men, no one batted an eyelid.
I had a sexual relationship with a 30 year old man when i was 17 , i know my parents were pretty worried but kept out of it mostly , lasted roughly a year.
Looking back it didn't affect me negatively and he didn't break my heart , but as the mother of a 15 year old girl the thought of it horrifies me and i am glad it is viewed as totally unacceptable now.

I should add i find it equally unacceptable when older women chase after teenage boys and as the mother of boys too i am relieved that didn't happen to them in their teenage years.

When I was 16 I was madly in love with a guy who was 28. I snuck around behind my parents back, but they cottoned on and my mothers reaction was (word for word) "what the hell does a 28 yr old have in common with a 16 yr old?". As it turns out, he was only interested in virgins, irrespective of age.

I think you're right to add this. I have a son as well as a daughter and agree I wouldn't be ok with it either way.

Personally, I cringe at what I got upto. I don't have daughters of that age yet but I do have family members and it makes me cringe.

My good friend at Uni had been dating a man in his early 30s when she was 16. She was properly messed up with by the time she got to Uni - she wouldn't even consider any boys her own age, I think she'd become obsessed with him. She went through Uni single and quite isolated: it was quite depressing

At 16, my boyfriend was 24 and we dated for a couple of years. I don't know if it was normal for the time or if I was being groomed. Am quite confused. DM was just glad I had a boyfriend at last (first one) and used to say "well he's young for his age" 🤢

There is something maddening about “Yeah, I did [X] at 14, but god forbid my child would do as I did”. It’s like the cringing everyone has been doing on your behalf is finally starting to dawn on you.

It still does happen and like most people you are now starting to question “Where the hell are the parents?”

No 14 year old has any business dating at all, much less an adult, for fuck sake. Don’t you know that?

@AvidMerrian Not even sure what the point of your sanctimonious post is 🙄

Yes, one can only hope that the parents did not know and that they were not choosing to turn a blind eye to their daughters being raped by adult men.

Really? That’s not a surprise is it, given the evidence of your history of always knowing best despite any amount of evidence to the contrary.

Wondering how long it will be before you get the inevitable post on this thread from someone who was 16 when they started dating their DH who was 24 and 'I was old for my age and he was young for his and we've been married 20 years with 3 DC' and you just think yeah but I bet your DH would hit the roof if that happened to your daughter and for good reason....

Yes this

we'd hang about with all sorts of dick heads as long as they had 4 wheels

A sisters friend has recently been widowed from the man she’s been with since 14- he was 24 years older. Even for her 40 years later it is all starting to unravel. She knows he groomed her.

Yes im 50 this year so.I remember it I also remember ,Joanne ,Emma Ridley and Amanda De Cadenet being described as wild child,sin the newspaper for dating older men when they were 14 And going to.night clubs .

This was common at my school among the ‘mature’ girls. Even snogging teachers… But I do remember finding it creepy. Most of my close friends had boyfriends no more than two years older.

I had a friend at school who had an affair with our 40+ Yr old, school bus driver, it ruined her life. She got pregnant by him aged 15, he just dropped her and moved abroad. Hopefully these days he would be prosecuted. Then she started using drugs, had her kids taken into care, died in her 30's. So awfully sad.

I'm so glad that today's girls are more switched on and that the culture has improved. I remember The Sun newspaper had a countdown until Sam Fox (young topless model) turned "legal" at 16.
The whole "Top of the Pops" culture was just rotten. Old male DJ's surrounded by a whole crowd of young girls. Bluegh.

My DD had a relationship with a 17yr old when she was 14 (saying you’d hit the roof & stop it is easier than it turns out to be if it’s your DD!). Her friends generally thought it was weird/creepy, school flagged it to us as a safeguarding concern, & referred her to the school nurses for work on healthy relationships (still waiting for that appointment nearly 10 months on!). So in my experience attitudes have changed, I remember my friend at 16 dating a 21 year old & while we all thought it (& he) was odd, nobody thought of reporting it to school or anything.

When I was 16, there were at least 3 girls in my year in long-term relationships with guys aged between 28 and 35. None of them were vulnerable girls, all from nice, middle class family backgrounds, parents were aware of the relationships. I felt uncomfortable with it at the time, though at least one is still happily married to that bloke now, with 3 kids, 25 years later.

I'm glad it seems less acceptable now, and would be horrified if my daughter was dating someone twice her age as a teenager.

But who are you mad at Avidmerrian?

My dd is 13 and uninterested in boys etc atm but the mums of her friends are obsessed with it. I had 3 mums asking if dd had a bf yet and they said they couldn't wait for their dd's to start dating. My face was like wtf 😱! Why can't girls enjoy their freedom without having to validate their existence by being with a bloke. It's internalised sexism and grooming.

@EmmaPaella One teacher at my school left his wife for a 6th former, it had been going on for ages and when she left they got a flat in town but it only lasted a few months before she went home, he must have been in his 50's! Lots of rumours of teachers and students I had a history teacher who used to get a visible erection in class and would make suggestive comments to the girls in his classes but it was just accepted. Also someone mentioned adult women with teenage boys there was an english teacher who would have 5th and 6th year boys round to her house and apparently sleep with them.