Personal Statement about Match of the Day

[Random789]

With so many people refusing to host Match of the Day it seems inevitable that they will eventually work their way right down the list to the point where they have to ask me.

I can confirm that, despite Gary Lineker having my full support, I am prepared (in this time of great national crisis) to step up and do my duty.

I'm not the best informed about football, but I can bring the following talking points to the table:

*Ooh, doesn't he have lovely knees. So chunky.

*Which one is England again?

I'm trying to think of a third one, but no luck. Perhaps I will need some co-hosts.

Oooh, oooh me me for cohost too please (solidarity Gary).

My favourite thing is to be amazed when they kick it really high.

The thing about Arsenal is the always try walk it in.

I'll help out if I can do a post match interview with Jurgen Klopp or Pep Guardiola.

Make a reference to the manager's days being numbered.

Which one is England again?

Goodness. I usually ask, who are the goodies and who are the
baddies?

😂

Thank you @PerfectYear321 I need it especially today!! 🙈

Do you mean the Chairman of the BBC or the Prime Minister?

“What’s offside again?”

”Don’t forget boys, it’s not the winning, it’s the taking part”

I could do this.

Liberally insert phrases about flat back fours & sweeper systems into commentary.

Make sure "game of two halves", "sick as parrot" & "it's only aaandbags" (a la Ron Atkinson) all get mentioned.

If things get desperate channel Jimmy Greaves "it's a funny old game."

Close commentary with "diabolical" in an Alan Hansen voice.

Sorted.

I am happy to pundit with you:

”It’s a game of two halves”.

Job done.

“Dream come true for these lads”

My friends that are football people find it endlessly amusing if I ask why they keep passing the ball to people with the wrong team shirts on, and suggesting they should check before they kick it to them. Apparently it's not quite as easy as I think it is.
I'd be ideal. But, sigh, I'll turn down the offer in solidarity.

"That would have been a good goal if the goalie hadn't been in the way"

"Oh? They swapped ends?"

"blue shirt passes to another blue shirt and red shirt tries to get the ball, another red shirt gets the ball and blue shirt falls over clutching his shin. Red shirt mouths "Never touched him". All red shirts gather round black shirt. I think they're about to have a sing song as black shirt has blown his whistle to give them the starting note. And it's back to the studio with @Random789 ..."

Default phrase ,works in pubs with footie people

"( Some players name ) ..... He has not got the legs on him anymore."

Nod with authority

Job done

LOVE this!!!

"I believe they've parked the car" or bus.

😆

"It's good the way the adverts round the pitch keep changing during the game, isn't it?"

'Jumpers for goal posts'

"Do you mind if I quickly switch over to catch the weather forecast?"

One sincerely hopes both . . .

oooh. If we are doing a time share sort of thing on presenters, when it is my turn I can comment on things like tattoos the various sporting footballers have.

I had a very long conversation with my father today (by phone- he lives in New Zealand) about tattoos. I can repeat quite alot of it and possibly even make it sound relevant.

Happy to take my share of the GL salary now.

Im not a football fan either but I can help with the idea of the game which you can then inform viewers of if they don’t have a clue either

“ The idea of the game is to get that little ball in either of the big white nets at either end of the pitch, there’s two different teams that are paid to do it and neither teams are currently doing it ”

that should help you out a bit