Personal Statement about Match of the Day

[Random789]

With so many people refusing to host Match of the Day it seems inevitable that they will eventually work their way right down the list to the point where they have to ask me.

I can confirm that, despite Gary Lineker having my full support, I am prepared (in this time of great national crisis) to step up and do my duty.

I'm not the best informed about football, but I can bring the following talking points to the table:

*Ooh, doesn't he have lovely knees. So chunky.

*Which one is England again?

I'm trying to think of a third one, but no luck. Perhaps I will need some co-hosts.

Right, I'm in, I want lineker's salary for the day. I'm sure I've got some gems to say. When I think of them I'll let you know, but I guess the main ones are
Just kick it in the net you muppet and how much do they get paid for this shambles? Call this football, my kindergarten class could do better for a cookie and some milk.

And
No mate, womens football is winning the big tournaments, you are shite bags.

Actually I think I nailed it, dont need any more.

If in doubt 'I don't know Jeff'

😂😂😂😂

Casually wonder aloud who is minding all of the players’ children whilst they’re enjoying their hobby?

I can shout, "hoof it down the park" because my dad always says that.

I can also do a word perfect rendition of Adam and Joe's Footie song. Despite knowing nothing about football.

Failing that, call them all cunts al la Roy Kent.

Job's a goon 'un.

I'd introduce each game with a link to something Gary Lineker did as a player. If he didn't play at each ground, given the number of goals he scored, he's likely to have scored against one or both of the teams.

Or sing the John Barnes rap a la Pam from Gavin and Stacey 😂

"You've got to hold and give but do it at the right time"

You can be slow or fast, but you must get to the line....

do we know who is on? Is it like the PM job, do we all need to be on standby?

How about "it's not just about the winning, it's the taking part that counts"?

Anyone else singing 'ooh ah Cantona, I said ooh ah Cantona' 🎶🎵

Oh ah cantona...My mum wears a big black bra

I remember us kids singing that in the 90s 😂

It's only on for 20 mins tonight - better make it pithy!

🎼Vindaloo, na na na, something something we all love vindaloo, we will score more goals than you ... Engerland ... three lines on my shirt ... we're coming home, we're coming home, Sweet Caroline, nah nah nah ...🎼

When a sub is brought on in the last 10 minutes, make sure to comment with great insight that he's "got fresh legs".

Oh and "looks look they're going to park the bus"

Looks like ffs 🤦🏼‍♀️

You're fired.

@MrsTerryPratchett something something Tories are bellends...

May as well make the sacking worthwhile

Double super fired

Can't believe no one has offered

"The lad done well".

I can quote some random stats for you:
'The red team have only ever beaten the yellow team at home when the manager drove his mini to the match. I saw Mr X's mini parked in the carpark today, which has to be a good omen'
'This is the first time since 1972 that both teams have fielded a player with a colour for a surname. Looking forward to Gary Green and Bob Brown battling it out today'

😆That's the one.

Jurgen Klopp and Ruben Ostlund are never seen together, they could be the same person.

I will laugh if the viewers actually prefer this format with more match footage and less chatting.