Personal Statement about Match of the Day

[Random789]

With so many people refusing to host Match of the Day it seems inevitable that they will eventually work their way right down the list to the point where they have to ask me.

I can confirm that, despite Gary Lineker having my full support, I am prepared (in this time of great national crisis) to step up and do my duty.

I'm not the best informed about football, but I can bring the following talking points to the table:

*Ooh, doesn't he have lovely knees. So chunky.

*Which one is England again?

I'm trying to think of a third one, but no luck. Perhaps I will need some co-hosts.

I don’t watch it but often think this about music radio

Oh, yes! MOTD should also go with music only.
Ba ba ba BA da-da da da da, Ba BA da-da da da! <dances round thread>

You just need a few key phrases.

That was a perfect height for the keeper.
The trouble with [insert team] is they always try and just walk it in.

GO WIDE, GO WIDE!!! A la Mrs Doyle at the Over-75s 5-a-side priests’ match.

Pull your pants up what would your mother say?

And stop spitting!

Don’t forget ‘They’ll have to VAR that’. For everything.

We mustn't forget "Small boys; jumpers for goalposts."

Is Ron Manager still alive? He could step up for MOTD.

We could make this a lot of fun.
The salary would be sweet, too 😉 ££££££

They're paid how much and they can't even score one tiny goal?! Just kick it in the net lads. It's not bloody rocket science?!!

Goodness. Why the spitting?! Just stop that right now.
Also, he barely touched you, so stop pretending.

"Ooh, he's got nice hair"

"I love the colour of that kit."

It's a game of two halves

Always a useful go to.

I'm actually a big football fan. Go to a few matches a season and follow a lot of them on TV. Am loving all this row. The football family is pretty tight knit.

Am I the only one puzzled about impartiality and a football show?

It's bizarre, isn't it sashh. Why does the BBC or the govt think that the public is incapable of distinguishing between the man (with all his opinions) and the employee/contractor with a duty of impartiality withing his work for the BBC?

In this strangely hyper-partisan world the BBC would be doing a public service (which is, after all, its remit) if it modelled for us the fact that we can co-exist with, work with and respect people in all their varied opinions.
Pretending that any expression of a personal view (in contexts where it is made clear that the view is personal and not that of the BBC) is somehow dangerous and corrosive just feeds into the current toxicity and stupidity and tribalism of public discussion.

Mens football on MOTD, except hosted by the cast of Loose Women.

Just to trigger the LADZ

Viewing figures were up - well done everyone (back of the net!)

It's definitely this thread that pulled in the extra viewers.

The insight here is second to none.

Has anyone said, "It's been a game of two halves," yet? That's all I've got to add. I'm sure we could do it between us OP.

One from DH - currently watching Arsenal v Fulham:

"Put your foot through the ball!"

I like "Put your foot through the ball", @BIWI. It feels mystical somehow, in the manner of the boy in The Matrix who says "Do not try to bend the spoon. Only remember there IS no spoon."

In fact, if I am truly The One (ie the new Gary Lineker), "Only remember there is no spoon" is how I will respond to every footballing situation.

I can offer 'Oh no, is this some Godawful sportball thing? Turn over. I don't care, anything, even catchphrase is better than this shite.'

My surname begins with Ba, so I reckon they'll get to me fairly soon. I've been doing my research.

My stock phrases will be -

Did you see how he kicked the ball to silly mid off? But the other side did well, good move from the captain to put a fielder there.

That ball went over the boundary, that should have been a four.

He kicked that high into the stand. What was the umpire doing not giving a six?

The wicketkeeper was dancing about and waving his arms. There's no way he could make a catch doing that.

And when the conversation is drying up...

In that last clip, did anyone spot the red bus going up the Harleyford Road?

And as further evidence of my impeccable qualifications for the job...the time DP was watching football, two teams were playing and the commentator referred one of the players by his surname of Sunderland. I asked DP why there were three teams on the pitch. Back of the net!