Personal Statement about Match of the Day

[Random789]

With so many people refusing to host Match of the Day it seems inevitable that they will eventually work their way right down the list to the point where they have to ask me.

I can confirm that, despite Gary Lineker having my full support, I am prepared (in this time of great national crisis) to step up and do my duty.

I'm not the best informed about football, but I can bring the following talking points to the table:

*Ooh, doesn't he have lovely knees. So chunky.

*Which one is England again?

I'm trying to think of a third one, but no luck. Perhaps I will need some co-hosts.

'Is someone going to check that virtual reality goal thingy?'

I want Tom Allen to do it.

As a Leeds girl I'm a firm believer that if you score one goal the other team have to score two to win.

DH is keen to give it a go but I've pointed out that spending 45 minutes calling Gary Neville a cunt would probably break BBC impartiality rules.

Your knowledge surpasses mine. I wish you the best of luck.

The commentator on talkSPORT always comments on the players kit like

"And here's Rashford wearing tight black shorts...."

Or "to Salah. Wearing a red top, very tight. Can see he's been working out..."

Do what the Colombians do and shout GOoooooooooooooooooooooooooalalalalalalalalalaaaaaaaa ooooooooooool"

😂

Yes !

I put myself forward as co-host.

I think we should set some rules and have to do shots when they are broken:

Grown man flings himself to ground and writhes in agony only to get up and jog on

Anyone wearing an alice band scores

Anyone wearing gloves scores

Manager kicks/throws water bottle etc

Suggestions will be taken.

and I am a football fan

Gooooooooooooooooooal 😂

Can I add:

Anyone wearing a short sleeved shirt and gloves

In fact anyone wearing gloves if it's above freezing

Anyone starting with mini shin pads and rolled down socks a la Jack Grealish

I’ll take half the money but give it my best shot.

Or they could ask the plucky intern.

"Did you see that ludicrous display last night?"

This reminds me of a World Cup match many years ago - England vs Algeria - that my friend reluctantly agreed to watch because the rest of us wanted to. About 75 minutes in she nudged me and whispered “We are the ones in white, right?” I did feel the need to reply that we were also the ones who weren’t all North African…

I'm expecting her to get a call from the Beeb around teatime.

joe lycett said hed do it ;)

Haha this is what I shout at DS game along with "shooooot" which gets me lots of daggers from the team as I have no idea what I'm talking about 😂

I was assuming they’d be getting the work experience kid to do it.

I’d offer to help but I am much more of a rugby fan, and I don’t think shouting “That pass was clearly forward” or “Just pick it up and run with it” would fit the bill or keep the fans happy.

For the record I am happy to present it for a £20 amazon voucher and a cup of tea.

@whynotwhatknot

I bet he would.

Now that I would watch.

"Foot the ball...FOOT THE BALL!"

Me during any match. Being helpful.

I'm so sorry

Don't forget "Ooh, I know the Arsenal offside trap. I've seen 'The Full Monty'!"

🤣

Brush up on your East London twang, OP!

DD watched a game last year when I think it was an England finals?? She asked why there was a random man in pink on the pitch (ref). I was like omg he must be at the wrong game! She spent the game telling DH the man was lost much to dh's annoyance.

Whenever football is talked about near me I quote The IT Crowd 😂

Shout "close him down!" a lot and talk a lot about set pieces and you should be OK OP.