Any other adults who were highly gifted children?

[12Thorns]

I am one of 6 people in my family who were judged very highly gifted (all in the top 0.01% academically)- this is over 3 generations

lots of parents here talk about having gifted children so I thought a thread on how we all turned out might be interesting and give parents of gifted children a realistic idea of how the future could develop

so from the 6 we have 2 who have gone on to be world class in their chosen field. One in medicine one in computing. These are both men who left the child raising to their wives!

we have one younger man who did ‘adequately’ at university by putting in about 5% of the normal effort when he could be bothered to fit it in between drinking and playing rugby. 3 years later, rising up the ranks in a global IT company at 3 times the expected rate, earning bucket loads

2 who have achieved ‘nothing’ in the conventional sense. One has given her life over to raising a disabled daughter, having dropped out of university herself, blaming dyslexia. One who spent his entire working life unemployed addicted to weed, but now in his 60s becoming very politically active in the green party and extinction rebellion

and me. Dyslexic and dispraxic. I can’t drive or use scissors. I am a very happy single mum and teacher. I fid several years in research and will return to it when I retire. I have written books and articles but not in my own name so most people don’t know. I don’t think I ever fulfilled my potential. But I am happy. And I still might!😁

I was, apparently. I was accelerated through school.

I get very stressed though, and think I have some neurodiversity going on. Was bullied at school, and struggled with depression.

Personal organisation has always been hard! I'd have done better with a wife, I think!

I haven't achieved anything remarkable, and have lost my sharpness in recent years.

I can't compare since I don't recall being graded in percentiles for academic achievement. Except my math SAT (American Uni test), I was in top 1 or 2% for that IIRC.

And how have you done since?

Yes, child genius/Mensa etc. a distinctly mediocre adult life blighted by periods of instability and poor choices. Was diagnosed with autism in my mid-40s. I’ve done a lot with my life but rarely talk about it because the present doesn’t match the past and I’m weary of people looking me up and down and thinking “lying scroat”.

‘Accelerated through school’ is not very common. That only happened to one of the six in my family, whereas two of us missed years of education. One through illness and one through travel

Yep. Very advanced as a child. Under archived as a teen, although still did well. Fell apart in my twenties. Now happily working part time in a job I love and being a parent. Almost certainly neurodiverse of some sort.

I find some things difficult but on the whole I can do very well at work without too much effort. I do work conscientiously on things I am passionate about, but I have learnt to steer clear of any jobs that involve repetitive tasks as I literally cannot force myself to do things I find boring 😬

My parents had extremely high expectations but didn’t think they should have to support me in any way e.g with routine for homework etc. I have much lower expectations for my children! I hope for them to be able to support themselves and have happy relationships.

Yes. I also keep quiet about lots of experiences and achievements and am wary of being disbelieved

Yes. I have conscientiously chosen not to push my own children. I haven’t seen 100% effort and top qualifications actually leading to a happier adult life. I expect 90% effort from my children, as a maximum, and to learn how to make friends and have fun

Oh and having a cleaner is literally essential for me. I am incapable of consistently doing some basic household tasks despite bashing out a complex report in an hour. Colleagues see me as very capable…. but home life I manage with wonderful paid help and a supportive husband.

I was deemed gifted at school. Probably not to your extent. I was complacent with studying and never achieved my full potential (my parents and grandparents put me under so much pressure to be perfect with perfect grades - I rebelled!). I was never bullied at school (I am so grateful!)

I’m autistic and after a horrible period of anxiety and depression - I’m now fairly fragile and feel under pressure / stress / fight or flight very quickly.

Which means I'm a mediocre architect at best.

I feel very dissatisfied with myself and my life. 😭

Well I can’t afford a cleaner but I would if I could. . My house is a pigsty.

actually I need a tidier rather than a cleaner…

my sister and I both scored top 1% on IQ tests around age 7 (she got higher than me) but neither of us were accelerated or pushed. We've both done well in intellectual careers (law / academia) but she stepped back for childcare reasons. I'm very glad we weren't pushed more to overachieve at a young age - it really isn't helpful.

Yes. Won nearly every award going at school. Member of MENSA. I was also highly gifted in sports and art. I was never pushed by my parents, always did my homework in registration etc.

People from the past that I bump into expect me to have some high flying career. I have a job that I enjoy, a lovely family and a great work life balance, but they always seem disappointed in me? I don't know what they were expecting to happen, but they always seem to expect 'more'.

Growing up in the independent system I was surrounded by rich 'successful' people who were miserable. My main goal in life has always been to achieve happiness.

I volunteer in several charities, and am quite high up in two of them, but I never mention them to each other. Both need a completely different skill set, one is councilling and people management. One is scientific knowledge.

so if I add all the disparate parts of my life together, I have and am achieving a lot more than an outsider would guess.

but most important part of my life has been being a mother

I was considered gifted at school. I was going to be the one who "did well" and "would get out"

I dropped out of school at 16 to be a crusty traveller and road protester.

Eventually ended up working in welfare rights (which can be a technically complex area of law but isn't well paid), then training as a trade union organiser, then working in politics as a caseworker for an MP.

Eventually got a degree in law from the Open University.

"Dropped out" again (does it count as dropping out in your 40's?) to home ed my aspie 10year old.

I've done a lot of stuff that's been interesting and required intelligence and I have a reasonable lower middle class lifestyle.

But I've definitely not had the kind of success my family might have hoped for. I'm not an academic or editor of the London Review of Books of something!

I think in general people don't tend to rise more than 1/2 a social class, regardless of intelligence. And women, in particular, tend to pick up unpaid caring responsibilities that limit their earning potential.

If I'd been told that as a kid, it would probably have been more useful to me than the unrealistic and pressurising messages I actually got.

I’m really glad you have achieved it!

I was off-the-scale academically gifted all round. Went to one of the best schools in the UK on a full scholarship (based on academic performance not means-tested).

Years of self-destructive behaviours from age 10 onwards. Had a massive nervous breakdown or whatever you want to call it at 15 and was hospitalised for many months.

eventually I've ended up with a first-class degree, a masters, a PhD and a reasonably but not outstandingly successful career. Married with children. But still very messed up and deeply unhappy in many ways.

I wouldn't recommend it really. Not that you can choose.

I’m sorry you are dissatisfied. What would improve things for you now, do you think?

Pretty bright. Difficult childhood. All a bit random ever since.

Even if you're not nd, the issues of managing life, housekeeping & shame are very much more present for women. It's a while since I read up but Sari Solden is an interesting author on this.

But I'd bet a pound that if a few of you had a look at the Diva 2 diagnostic scale, you'd see a fit for adhd.

Beung gifted is an issue if nd as it masks struggling. Not enough words here but my DH has wandered in to chat.

<waves>

Precocious reader (ladybird books at 18 months, Tolkien by 6), very good at exams but atrocious at homework. Surprised all my teachers by being marked in the top 0.04% in a Mensa test. Missed 3/4 of my last year of gcses through illness, still got all As. No idea how I got a 2:1 degree as I did about 10 hours work a term if that. Started as an admin person, now a director. Was lucky to find a work area I thrived in and could accept the chaos that accompanies my outputs. Married, 3 kids and very happy.

Diagnosed with ADHD, has been suggested by professionals that autism may be a factor as well. Had multiple burnouts over the years, some quite spectacular. Life improved significantly when I realised that I need specific things to thrive and gave up any pretence at being normal

Yes, I’m very fortunate to afford it. It was a poor choice of words on my part.

Another one here. Identified as 'gifted and talented' in most subject areas. Didn't have to apply myself at school to do well, I just got it. Achieved 6 A*s and 3 As at gcse, 4 As at a-level, then the wheels came off at uni.
I loved learning, reading and being a student. I didn't have the skills to be an independent adult though and really struggled without having the structure of school. I'm contemplating going back to uni. I'm fairly sure I have ASD though. There's a list of how it presents in females I came across and it's like a ticklist for my life.

A “gifted” label at school tends to be based on an incredibly narrow skill set, which is why it correlates so poorly with career or financial success later.

I had to learn so many skills to make it to the top in my career and fill in a great many gaps in ability that had nothing to do with academic ability at school.

Gifted as a child, league of my own compared to classmates, mensa,oxbridge....

And a really difficult adult life. I wish I had a well paid job with complex tasks so I could outsource the day to day stuff I find dificult..but finding work jow is tricky and managing the house/food etc is v dificult.

My Brain still functions but I'm between sonmany jobs now overqualified/undertrained and woildnt manage fulltime.

I was. I never took IQ tests but had a 'reading age' of 12+ when I was 4 or 5, and was told that my CAT score on entering secondary school was extremely high.

I was also an anxious perfectionist and undiagnosed autistic, who was caring for younger siblings from a young age due to my mother's severe addiction problems. My school knew about the anxiety but didn't ease off any of the pressure, and I ended up suffering complete burnout and mental health crisis at 14. I refused to go to school and never attended much after that. Got very good GCSEs with extremely low attendance and no support but felt like a failure because they weren't the unbroken string of A-stars that the school insisted I should get.

Left at 16, worked a variety of low-paid jobs, saw my siblings grow up and get settled at university/career (wonderful, but then they didn't 'need' me any longer) and then in my late twenties I decided to go to university myself. I was still terrified of failure and it felt like a massive risk. What actually happened was that I completed my degree in two years, won academic prizes, went on to funded postgraduate study which I also excelled at, and am now working on my PhD.

Very mixed. I had some truly dreadful early teenage years, but my thirties so far have been amazing. I'm not as accomplished as other people my age in career terms, but I don't see it as a race. I enjoy what I'm doing now and that's what matters to me.