Any other adults who were highly gifted children?

[12Thorns]

I am one of 6 people in my family who were judged very highly gifted (all in the top 0.01% academically)- this is over 3 generations

lots of parents here talk about having gifted children so I thought a thread on how we all turned out might be interesting and give parents of gifted children a realistic idea of how the future could develop

so from the 6 we have 2 who have gone on to be world class in their chosen field. One in medicine one in computing. These are both men who left the child raising to their wives!

we have one younger man who did ‘adequately’ at university by putting in about 5% of the normal effort when he could be bothered to fit it in between drinking and playing rugby. 3 years later, rising up the ranks in a global IT company at 3 times the expected rate, earning bucket loads

2 who have achieved ‘nothing’ in the conventional sense. One has given her life over to raising a disabled daughter, having dropped out of university herself, blaming dyslexia. One who spent his entire working life unemployed addicted to weed, but now in his 60s becoming very politically active in the green party and extinction rebellion

and me. Dyslexic and dispraxic. I can’t drive or use scissors. I am a very happy single mum and teacher. I fid several years in research and will return to it when I retire. I have written books and articles but not in my own name so most people don’t know. I don’t think I ever fulfilled my potential. But I am happy. And I still might!😁

i agree that being called ‘gifted’ at school means nothing, but that’s not what we are talking about on this thread.

It seems from reading these accounts that fear of failure has been almost paralysing for many people

I hope some of the mothers who have been posting about having gifted children read this

Yep I spoke early , at age 7 I had the reading age of a 15 year old but sadly for me I had undiagnosed adhd and asd and despite being intelligent, I rarely succeeded due to my neurodiversity remaining undetected. Dropped out of college , I struggle to work and now I'm too sick to even attempt to pick back up my degree.

O am also trying ti see if my dr will refer for autism/adhd but its hard to explain why I want that.

Well then, to answer the specific question, after my state comp education I went on to Oxford, a doctorate and then research work CERN, and then switched direction and have a successful career in investment banking.

That sounds great! Are you happy?

I never did IQ tests, even to this day. Did your school put you forward for them?

I was always very bright/ top of the class. Immense pressure from parents but also combined with literally zero effort from them eg never drove me to clubs etc

went to medical school, again always top of the class. Wanted to be a surgeon but suffered sexual harassment from my boss during training. Met my husband and decided to become a Gp as it was the only training pathway I could fit around his career. Qualified and finished training, did a few years and hated it so since have become a SAHM.

It’s interesting because it seems that many people labelled gifted are also ND.

I think it’s hard to then make conclusions about how well ‘gifted children’ do later in life because it will influenced bith by their abilities and their ND.

i have one ds who was labelled a gifted. I have never thought they would automatically do extremely well. I’ve always hoped they would learn
1- to still put the work in (as even the brightest shave said, you still need to do some work!)
2- to learn what they enjoy /don’t enjoy so they are happy with their life.

I found ds is struggling with finding what he loves and will be happy to make efforts for.

A couple of decades of the levels of stress involved in banking nearly inevitably brings some mental health issues along the way, but yes, for nearly all of my time since leaving school I’ve been happy.

The question I face now is how to best ensure that my very young children grow up happy too. I don’t know yet how best to do that, but have just made the decision to start the eldest off by choosing to send him to state primary.

Always top of my class at school with very little
effort on my part. Straight As which I didn’t have to work for. Parents told I was a genius, reading Tolkien at 6 etc etc Lost the plot at university, dropped out of medical degree. Eventually graduated in a different subject on my 3rd attempt. Got a training contract in one of the big 4 city firms. Hated it. Dropped out again. Went back to uni and did a masters. Been working in a different field since. Middle management, nothing spectacular. Bored out of my brains and considering another career change at nearly 50. The most happy I’ve ever been was on maternity leave. I don’t think I’m neurodiverse, I just haven’t found anything work-wise that stimulates me / interests me/ fulfils me. I was always good at everything at school so a direction to go in was never obvious (eg have a levels in sciences and social sciences). I’m happy in life other than being bored at work and having a definite sense of ‘should have achieved more’.

Top grades all the way through school, Oxbridge and then a Masters and professional qualifications. To the outside world I don't look "successful" in that I don't have a high-flying job, big house etc. But I consider my greatest achievement to be bringing up my children and my background gave me choices in that respect. For me, that was the choice to stay at home with them and develop a freelance business working from home instead of going out to work. I also do a lot of work on a voluntary basis which brings me joy.

Sad/happy to see all the adhd/asd here - it resonates

V high IQ - did well in school but no uni - choice childhood and bored of foal education

Have done a huge variety of jobs as pick up skills very quickly and have oral skills to 'blag it'.

Now settled in high paying job that makes the most of my wide variety of knowledge and life experiences plus people skills. Not by design just a lucky combination of circumstances.

Have divergent children and a messy house.
Suspect adhd and/or asd

Luckily seam to have avoided depression most due to huge ego and ability to earn money plus accepting I'm not a detail person (detail as in most anything domestic)

I wonder if so many of us really were born neurodiverse, or whether there is something in the conflict between being highly intelligent and being female in our society that causes stresses which affect the growth and development of the brain

I wonder if a similar thread on a forum mostly for men would show completely different outcomes

This is very interesting. I have a stellar academic record. Never diagnosed as ADHD, flitted about from job to job, never staying long enough to progress, moving around a lot, kind of reckless and wild. Lots of fun though! Came across as kind of scatty and disorganised and wasn't good at selling myself.

I married a man who was a very middling student and now earns 3 to 4 times my full time equivalent wage. The difference was probably our shyness/confidence, aggressiveness/gentleness, and other things of that nature.

I've pretty much become a SAHM. My career-driven mother and friends have sometimes sniffed about wasted potential and ambition, but I really don't care! I'm very happy. I don't think it's possible to "have it all".

Our set up suits our family and we are a team. Raising and educating my DC is the most rewarding, demanding, important job I could have done and the best use of my gifts IMO. And my DH travels a lot, so couldn't do his job without me here holding the fort.
When they don't need me as much I will find another way to serve. I wouldn't have been fulfilled by a big money corporate career.

Many of us also seem to have found happiness and fulfilment outside of education and career

Maybe it’s also more true for women that we judge ourselves as successful based on what we know we have achieved, rather than on what we earn, or how we look to outsiders

You're happy . That's a gift in itself .

I was hyperlexic and taught myself to read at 2 years old. I was classed as twice exceptional in primary school and was 'streamed' in the juniors so was in a class with older children.
I totally gave up at high school, I struggled with organisation, mental health and friendships.
I scraped GCSEs and managed to get into university but I dropped out after a year as I couldn't cope with it.

I've not been able to hold down a job for longer than a year as I burn out so much. The last time this happened I got a private assessment for autism and I got diagnosed with aspergers syndrome.

Now I'm a stay at home mum. I can't work or even organise a house very well..

Yes, both my sibling and I. Sibling went on to prestigious university and has a very high flying career in a fairly niche field. They never seem satisfied with their lot.

I went to one of better universities in my chosen field but absolutely did not apply myself. I was diagnosed with ADHD in my 20s and flitted in and out of teaching throughout my 20s. I’m now late 30s and have been teaching at a fairly niche, on the edge of mainstream, educational provision for the last 8 years and it suits me well.
I have settled and am for the most part, happy with my lot.

My mother is similarly academically gifted; writes books and is well known in her field despite entering it late - college and uni was not the done thing in her post war days etc when she could have a job at 15.

My own DD is showing similar signs to those my sibling and I displayed; time will tell of course.

Fwiw in other countries, they offer support to children who are in the 0.01% top because it’s assumed they will find it hard to fit in.
Mainly because they will be children with the maturity of the child But the knowledge and wish to learn of a teen/young adult. How do you then manage to play ‘games’ with children your age? How you handle wanting to connect with much older children/teens/young adults with a different maturity?

This is not even going into the ND stuff

Gifted but lazy here. I did very well at school and then at university, getting a First and then completing a Masters with very little effort. Academically things seemed to come naturally to me without having to put much effort in.

In my working life I'm similar. Doing fine in a mid-level career that I don't have to put a lot of effort in to but seem to be praised a lot by management as what I do is very good, I can just do it in half of my actual working hours and piss about the other half. It's probably awful to admit but it's the truth and I know that if I pushed myself I'd do really well and accelerate my career. The problem is I don't really want to and it's probably because I've never really had to work hard, which has made me lazy career-wise. I'm extremely happy though, I love being a mum and have a great home life. DDs are wonderful and the best thing I've done.

DH is the opposite to me. Middle of the pack academically but a really hard worker and as such has climbed the career ladder and is doing really well at work, he earns five times my salary.

Between us we have a very happy life but I don't know what it means in terms of how much as a parent you should "push" gifted children. My mum always pushed me to do more and to be honest it damaged my relationship with her as I felt I was never good enough. I'm sure with hindsight it's because she could see that I had greater potential if I just put more effort in but I've always been happy with the way I am.

Amusing for me to see this thread today after the conversation I was having with my DM at the weekend.

I’m almost certainly not in the top 0.1% but was a very bright child who could do everything academic with no effort whatsoever. Couldn't do PE or practical things like cutting out, woodwork or sewing for toffee though!

There was a top table of 4 at school (though it wasn’t labelled that, but was obvious). I was saying to DM that NONE of that top table have been high flying. We have:

An administrator who has a good work - life balance and has obviously chosen spending time with family over massive career

Someone with a mid-level skilled office job but who struggles with all other aspects of life

Someone whose life went tragically wrong and is no longer with us

Me - self-employed in a skilled job but that doesn't pay very well. Generally happy at home as a single parent to one DC but finances are hard.

There are kids who struggled at school who have been far far more successful than our top table.

Something that definitely affected me was that having not had to try at school, I didn't learn how to make an effort. I procrastinate terribly now, especially when a new project involves coordinating/liaising with people as this doesn't come naturally to me and I didn't learn how to make an effort as a child, if that makes sense. My social skills also aren't fantastic.

I was identified as gifted and was accelerated through school (moved up a year twice, at age 7 and age 13), got all As at GCSE, took 4 academic A-levels a year early, have a first class degree from a prestigious uni (not Oxbridge, didn't get in to Oxford as fluffed the interview due to no help preparing for it, am from deprived area of London and wholly state educated). As an adult I have a pretty mediocre part-time career, although one that I enjoy - as it turned out I don't have the drive or ambition to be a high earner or work in a high pressure environment. In another life I might have been a hot-shot barrister (my strength is reading and writing, comprehension - once tested in top 1% of all UK graduates) or politician, but it was not to be! I do have a very happy and settled life, though occasionally feel I might not have made the most of my talents.