Any other adults who were highly gifted children?

[12Thorns]

I am one of 6 people in my family who were judged very highly gifted (all in the top 0.01% academically)- this is over 3 generations

lots of parents here talk about having gifted children so I thought a thread on how we all turned out might be interesting and give parents of gifted children a realistic idea of how the future could develop

so from the 6 we have 2 who have gone on to be world class in their chosen field. One in medicine one in computing. These are both men who left the child raising to their wives!

we have one younger man who did ‘adequately’ at university by putting in about 5% of the normal effort when he could be bothered to fit it in between drinking and playing rugby. 3 years later, rising up the ranks in a global IT company at 3 times the expected rate, earning bucket loads

2 who have achieved ‘nothing’ in the conventional sense. One has given her life over to raising a disabled daughter, having dropped out of university herself, blaming dyslexia. One who spent his entire working life unemployed addicted to weed, but now in his 60s becoming very politically active in the green party and extinction rebellion

and me. Dyslexic and dispraxic. I can’t drive or use scissors. I am a very happy single mum and teacher. I fid several years in research and will return to it when I retire. I have written books and articles but not in my own name so most people don’t know. I don’t think I ever fulfilled my potential. But I am happy. And I still might!😁

I think too much is made of "gifted children" - by all means encourage their talents, but do not lose sight of the fact that emotionally, socially and developmentally they are not in front of their chronological age - they just happen to have a greater intellect, which should not become the focus of everyone's efforts, but should be seen in context.

Well said.

I was very bright at school - won a scholarship to an independent school, 10 As at GCSE, 4 As at Level (this was before A-star was introduced), 1 and 2 at S Level / STEP.

I did well at uni (2:1 from Cambridge), qualified as an actuary and have gone on to be successful (but not stellar) in the workplace in two different careers (with a break in between to be a SAHM).

I'm really happy with my life - three fab kids, lovely husband, enjoy my job .

It's weird how most people don't understand that autism very often comes with a high level of intelligence. I find that the majority of people think the opposite is true. Almost all the extremely intelligent people I know IRL are autistic.

Being autistic also lends itself to getting exceptionally good at certain things, due to the 'special interests' and hyperfocus.

If you believe my mother, my doctor said my iq was 200. 🤣

I was apparently reading the Hobbit before I started school.

Given that I'm the same person who, as a teen, balanced on the chest freezer with my skirt trapped inside because I'd been told to freeze gun to get it off your clothes and it didn't occur to me to take my skirt off, I'm skeptical 🤣

I had the double whammy of being extremely bright and articulate, but also looking much older than my age, and developing very young. I got my period just after my 10th birthday and could pass for 18 when I was 11.

Unsurprisingly I spent my teen years having a lot of really horrendous experiences with older men and was pregnant at 16.

I don't think it was academic pressure that made me unhappy - I never felt any academic pressure and never struggled in any subject. It was every bloody other thing in life.

Gum not gun.
See. Can't even type. 😁

It’s also interesting that success = high flying/high paid job to so many people.

I was bright at school. It was suggested I go up a year but my parents refused. Straight As. Gold medals in maths olympiads and through to the final round (top 50 in the country back in the day). Good degree from top uni (now have three good degrees).

I chose a poorly paid career that needs an academic background, but it was what I loved doing. I stopped doing it when I had children, and after a long (10 yr) career break I’m now in a low level civil service position. It gives me the freedom to spend time with my children, sew, sing, not stress about work. It doesn’t pay a huge deal but it pays enough. When I turn my laptop off in time for the school run I don’t need to think about work until the next morning. I enjoy work when I’m doing it.

I enjoy other stuff when I’m not working.

This feels successful to me.

I remember my cousin's best mate being highly gifted. He flew through school/college/University effortlessly. He had a highly paid career, but unfortunately a breakdown occurred. He became a refuse worker because he wanted a stress free job, he said he was alot happier.

Well, presumably you've got a partner funding all this, because it's pretty much impossible to live such a nice lifestyle on a 'lowly civil service' wage. It's a privilege to choose not to have a high paid job.

I was very precocious as a child, early reader, maths and language came easily, never really had to try to study and retain info.Was skipped forward a year and was still in the top percentage despite being a year younger. Uni was grand, won awards every year, got the degrees I wanted, then professional career at the company I wanted to work for.

Then in 2 years it all went to hell, recession hit, I was made redundant, my parents died, I had huge caring responsibilities and completely burned out. It took years to get back on my feet and I don't think anyone who knows me, bar my husband, knows how fucking hard those years were and how much damage it did to me. I have long term illnesses from the stress and just can't work at the same capacity as I could when I was younger. I now have a good job I love that pays well, a family I adore, good friends but there's always a niggle there that I could have done more in different circumstances.

That’s quite an assumption to make.

I do have a partner. He got straight As from his inner city London school, a first from a top flight university, and currently earns significantly less than he could because of decisions we’ve made together to focus on stuff that isn’t massive salaries. And our life style reflects that.

Between us we earn enough to live the way we are happy living. We’ve chosen not to go for the big city jobs, expensive cars, private schools and “success” the way other people define it.

Yes, it’s a privilege to have that choice in the first place, but no one else is funding us.

Really interesting thread! NC'd just in case.

I was always considered a 'bright' child with (looking back) slightly anxious / perfectionist tendencies - but not gifted / talented. Was encouraged / supported by parents but not pressurised per se (though with parental expectations high).

I don't think I am NT, but did develop anorexia quite badly in my early teens as a result of family trauma. I think this led to a teenage / early twenties anxiety-induced 'tunnel vision' around academic achievement and literally humongous amounts of work / hours being put in on my part - achievements were helped by being reasonably bright, but were very much effort driven. I wasn't bullied but was considered a geek / swot - did have a few good friends throughout though.

Ended up with all A*s (and one A) at GCSE, all As at A-Level and a first class degree from an Oxbridge university (Humanities rather than STEM) though - which no one was more surprised by than me.

I've done ok in my career since - not stellar in terms of what might have been expected of me, but not too shabby either. At work I'm usually considered a high-performer, but this is (I think) more as a result of relative brightness plus "workhorse" mentality in getting the job done. I still do over and above hours just to 'break even' and feel like I'm not failing. I do sometimes wonder if I could / should have done more... Lack of confidence and anxiety have held me back, and I've been "pushed" into every promotion I've had - rather than seeking out opportunities to progress myself.

Imposter syndrome and fear of failure are my key drivers, which is a bit sad. I often wonder how I'd have turned out and what I'd have achieved, if not for that eating disorder. I don't know if I should be grateful for having had it or not...

Yes. I was assessed and joined some kind of national group for gifted children. I was gifted across a few subjects, generally high achieving with very little effort and a gifted musician. Achieved a raft of A*s at GCSE with no effort. Not a genius but definitely fairly intelligent.

I experienced some mental health problems during A Levels and went off the rails. I stopped attending entirely. Managed to pass them all by getting textbooks a few weeks before the exams and cramming what I needed to know but it wasn't enough to get particularly good grades. Luckily, a conservatoire had already offered me a guaranteed, unconditional place based on audition. Mental health difficulties continued there (and I felt so out of place surrounded by the children of middle class, pushy parents). I started planning my suicide. Ended up falling pregnant to a loser at 19 and dropping out altogether.

I then lived on benefits for a few years. Had some psychotic episodes. Got my first job doing basic admin in my early thirties. People think I'm a bit dim and nobody believes I'm good at anything. I'm not sure what I do to make people think that way. I recently had to listen to my employer gushing over a CV we received from a bloke who had 8 GCSEs. There was talk of training him into one of the more professional roles which I'd never be considered for. A few years ago I was at a National Trust place and was interested in a piano. I spent quite a bit of time talking to one of the volunteers about it and he mentioned that they used to allow visitors to play on it but it was damaged. I can't remember exactly how it came up but he thought I might want to play on it and then awkwardly said "..... but what grade are you?". I didn't think too much of it, assuming that they must ask that of everybody because there'll always be idiots who claim to be better than they are and they needed to be careful given the age and condition of the instrument. So I told him and he said "oh god.. sorry... I just assumed......." and went bright red. So it clearly wasn't a question asked of everybody. I was quite hurt by that as it should have been clear from our ten minute conversation that I knew what I was talking about. I'm not sure whether it was my accent or the fact that I'd clearly had children young but but it seems as though I'll always be written off as a stupid, working class, teen mother.

Bumping into people I went to school with is always embarrassing. One of my teachers actually gasped in shock when he bumped into my in my early twenties and asked what I was up to before spotting my child. I felt like shit. I have achieved nothing and I am embarrassed by it. I try not to think about the potential I had in my youth because it just depresses me.

I am happy with my life, but aware that we're financially stable because of my husband's earnings. However he earns well because I stabilise him emotionally.

I've done a great job with my kids, both doing well despite some disadvantages, and I've contributed hugely in community organising.

I'm hugely frustrated with my inability to specialise- I'm good at most things, and great at nothing.

And I burned out from prioritising everyone else.

I really miss the old me- she had her weaknesses, but damn she was quick and energised!

Love this - my OH had a brain like a planet but not a single ounce of nowse!

Devoid of a saw (when we were very poor students) he was trying to make box and was having to saw the melamine-chipboard with a tiny hack saw - it was a very very laborious and slow task, as the melamine is very tough. I went in to see how he was getting on and watched fascinated as he had a line drawn an inch away from each side of the edge of the sheet of wood, and was slowly sawing down one of these lines. Me: What are you doing? OH: I am sawing an inch off either side as it is too wide. Me: Why not saw 2 inches off one side so that you only have to do it once?

He was gob-smacked at this genius idea!

You can be very very brainy and academic and still lack some important skills.

Supposedly 'profoundly gifted' IQ, did really well at school despite missing years with serious illness. Got into Oxford and got a double first, academic prizes, etc, funded postgraduate place..,

Health situation got worse and worse over the years and now I'm totally disabled by it so have pretty much seen all my dreams crushed.

Anyone else attend the NAGTY residentials btw?

Yes I was. Up to halfway through secondary school then had a breakdown

No i think it’s a good question about your ds.

don’t know if this will help you but one thing my ds found very hard was the culture within the school. It just was not ok to be ‘nerdy’ and to do really well. As a result, he ended up bullied and struggling in that school.
Once we moved him to another school with a different ethos, he then settled down and has been much happier. Too late for him to learn that he needed to put some effort in even when things come to him easily. He is still very much of the ‘I don’t need to make much effort to succeed so why would I?’. Or at least he was until about 2 months before his A levels. Whether this will be too late for him to get the results he wants is to be seen.

Another thing he is finding hard is to find something he really enjoys learning. Things he used to enjoy now leave him meh in part because he has been relying too much on his abilities before.

@ScarlettOHaraHamiltonKennedyButler I have absolutely nothing but regrets over being labelled as gifted. I would encourage any parent of a 'gifted' child to provide plenty of resources and opportunities (books, materials, STEM opportunities, music, physical activity), but not to apply labels at all.

My now adult son also in top 0.01% turned down Cambridge unconditional offer, went to work in Local Government. Accelerated quickly, they funded his degree and Masters. He used his eidetic memory to memorise so much data that he was incredibly efficient but bored senseless so he jumped ship and secured a niche role in Financial Systems in the independent sector. He's happy and successful and already the "go to" person there after just a couple of years. Suspect he will stay there until he's bored and finds another interest. He loves to work and thrives on stress and pressure which surprised me as he spent the whole of his school life doing as little as possible and finding mischief to entertain himself.

No, it isn't.

You couldn't live that lifestyle on one low wage. You talk as if it's a modest one, but it doesn't sound all that modest. You're not living in a freezing cold two-bed flat in a tower block. Being able to choose not to have well paid jobs is a privilege. I don't do a well paid job to look flashy, I do it because I otherwise would be stuck in flatshares or awful rented bedsits.

You completely missed my point though, and are making huge assumptions.

my point was about success.

I’m an ex-“gifted pupil” like so many others. I’m in my 40s. I’m in a job surrounded by recent graduates. It pays approximately the UK average salary. It’s not high flying. I’m not at the top of the civil service. I have no management responsibilities. But I need to use my brain every day. I need to use all my degree knowledge. It’s interesting work. It makes a difference to society. I enjoy it.

it doesn’t look like “success” as most people define it, not for a child who excelled. But it feels like success to me.

My whole point was about how you frame success. Not about how much you need to earn to live a particular lifestyle.

Reading this thread is oddly comforting, think I was one of those who was under a lot of parental pressure and the disappointment I feel I am to them because I'm not a millionnaire or something makes me wonder if I wasted my life sometimes...

My mother likes to say I had a reading age of 13 when I was in reception...never really studied before college, did well all the way through, was in the "Gifted and Talented" group, whatever that means, and got into a top university. Managed a 2:1 despite spending most of the time partying and socialising, have done everything from PA work to a leadership role in the charity sector since. But have always struggled to figure out what I'm actually interested in. As a PP said, I'm also good at many things but not outstanding in anything.

Currently working on my PhD and planning to stay in research afterwards simply because I don't know how to be anything else but a student. Living abroad and married with 2DC, doing everything in a language I've only been learning properly for 6 years also makes me feel a bit like I'm failing because it's so much harder than if I could just do it in English...

I think people focus way too much on academic success early in life rather than just encouraging and nurturing the natural abilities DC have, my DH is really intelligent but not gifted in the academic sense (school is his worst nightmare) but he was pressured into a joint bachelor/master program by his parents because an apprenticeship was "too horrifying"...think he'd have been a lot happier without the stress of writing a thesis. If your DC are academically gifted great, but if not don't make them feel bad about it - is my opinion anyway

I was a gifted child, reading fluently before starting school (taught myself at the age of 2), never getting less than an A in GCSE/A levels (doing extra ones for fun too!), getting a first at Uni, going on to a PhD, member of mensa etc. After my PhD, I got married, moved abroad for a bit due to my husband's job, and totally wasted my potential, ending up back in the UK in what is now a dead end and unfulfilling job. Pay is ok but it doesn't excite me and I often think I could have achieved so much more.

I'm not overwhelmingly unhappy with how things turned out in that if I hadn't pretty much sacrificed my own ambitions for my husband I wouldn't have had my amazing daughter who really means the world to me. Probably if I'm completely truthful I did this because I didn't have any confidence in my own abilities or enough drive. However, now my marriage is crap, my job is crap, and so I do have some regrets too. I try not to dwell on things and put effort into my own personal projects but at the back of my mind there is definitely some regret.

Like a few others, I often wonder if I'm ND in some way but not really sure what a diagnosis would achieve at this point in my life.