Any other adults who were highly gifted children?

[12Thorns]

I am one of 6 people in my family who were judged very highly gifted (all in the top 0.01% academically)- this is over 3 generations

lots of parents here talk about having gifted children so I thought a thread on how we all turned out might be interesting and give parents of gifted children a realistic idea of how the future could develop

so from the 6 we have 2 who have gone on to be world class in their chosen field. One in medicine one in computing. These are both men who left the child raising to their wives!

we have one younger man who did ‘adequately’ at university by putting in about 5% of the normal effort when he could be bothered to fit it in between drinking and playing rugby. 3 years later, rising up the ranks in a global IT company at 3 times the expected rate, earning bucket loads

2 who have achieved ‘nothing’ in the conventional sense. One has given her life over to raising a disabled daughter, having dropped out of university herself, blaming dyslexia. One who spent his entire working life unemployed addicted to weed, but now in his 60s becoming very politically active in the green party and extinction rebellion

and me. Dyslexic and dispraxic. I can’t drive or use scissors. I am a very happy single mum and teacher. I fid several years in research and will return to it when I retire. I have written books and articles but not in my own name so most people don’t know. I don’t think I ever fulfilled my potential. But I am happy. And I still might!😁

Yup!

The pressure got to me through GCSEs and I ended up with As and Bs instead of the predicted A*s (not that I consider that a failure). Wound up pregnant at 17 and have only very recently, in my mid-thirties finally got a degree. No A levels (perks of being a mature student).

Worked really, really hard and scraped a first. Now a trainee teacher, and intend to remain mediocre, because the internal pressure for perfection ruins my mental health. Good enough is good enough.

I was deemed gifted at school. I'm autistic though and struggle in other areas. Most would say I really haven't achieved much.

This was my issue. I was told I was gifted but not given the tools to unlock my potential and instead they tried to make me conform to the NT gifted model and it resulted in a breakdown and nothing achieved 😞

Consistently in top 2% in tests from 11+ onwards. Went to a selective (state) secondary school and identified as gifted there. Managed to go through my entire education getting highest results with little effort.

After university went into public sector job (teaching). I definitely haven't achieved my potential in terms of earnings, but I got a lot of job satisfaction and stupid money has never really motivated me (as long as I can pay the bills and put food on the table - it's shit being poor - never really interested in expensive cars/houses/holidays/clothes though). I did pretty well in my job; I reached the highest levels in schools, wrote for some educational publications, took part in research in mathematics education. But then I quit all that to earn even less money working for myself.

This is such an interesting thread! I always thought I was rather unique in my combined academic ability/laziness/lack of organisational skills. But it seems not. I was terrible in primary school, could do the work, but was so naughty and just did my own thing most of the time. I did much better after getting a scholarship to an independent school and thrived on the competitive aspect (and the extra attention I guess). I am coasting in current well paid job. Could do so much better which again seems to be a theme here.

But I am really wondering what to do about one my children who seems to have my exact personality. He will be starting state school in September at a supposedly excellent primary. I was considering independent for smaller class sizes (and less chance of hiding in a corner causing trouble as I did). I hope I don't live to regret that decision.

Another one labelled ‘gifted’ as a child, as was OH.
I’ve struggled to fulfil my potential as an adult (despite having a PhD) due to neurodiversity and crippling imposter syndrome!
OH didn’t do well at uni and ended up in a job that wasn’t great, then at around 30, he found his niche, worked his way up and is now a consultant in his chosen field.

Our DD(9) seems to be following our trajectory re academic achievement, but we’re focusing on raising a happy, well rounded child. Her childhood experience has been very different to ours and we accept her for who she is, unconditionally.

I’ve struggled to fulfil my potential - I am interested in what people mean by this. How do we fulfil our potential? If we are academic, so we then by definition have to have an academic or high-powered job?

I have known so many highly academic people who made the decision to "drop out" of fulfilling their potential and engaged in some artistic or craft-based activities, or pursued some career that does not require high academic qualifications, and they have done so in order to be happy - good on them.

I understand fulfilling our potential as an outstanding/exceptional child is to be an outstanding/exceptional adult. To be 'one of the best' at something. That might be in business, or a specialism, or an art. To be performing really well in some way.

I'm not.

Achieved nothing by devoting herself to her disabled child?

Is this how far removed from actual humanity we have become??

I was pushed and pushed. Put into the year above for mathematics and science. Played piano, violin and clarinet. On a gifted child programme throughout secondary. I ended up getting pregnant at 15, leaving school with no qualifications. I eventually trained as a chef. I was bullied horribly and have terrible social skills. I’m happiest by myself or with my DH and kids. Friendships stress me out even now. Fortunately I’ve got a handful of very tolerant friends! I’m content now but it’s taken me years to get here.

To me fulfilling my potential would mean using my skills to their fullest. I barely use my brain in my job, the most use it gets is in my free time when I do logic puzzles, learn a language, play an instrument etc. On the plus side my job being too easy gives me plenty of time to piss around on MN during the day…

@ThreeRingCircus I think you are me. Especially this bit, this is me to a tee:

'Doing fine in a mid-level career that I don't have to put a lot of effort in to but seem to be praised a lot by management as what I do is very good, I can just do it in half of my actual working hours and piss about the other half. It's probably awful to admit but it's the truth and I know that if I pushed myself I'd do really well and accelerate my career. The problem is I don't really want to and it's probably because I've never really had to work hard, which has made me lazy career-wise. I'm extremely happy though, I love being a mum and have a great home life. DDs are wonderful and the best thing I've done.'

@TheSpanishApartment I really resonated with what someone posted above, that because they never really had to try hard to do well at school they didn't learn how to put in effort. I am definitely exactly like that. It's not a great personality trait, I'm not particularly proud of it but I'm too lazy to change!

Who said that, @Ithoughtsummerwascoming?

I still don't think I know how to put in effort and I'm 36. If something doesn't come relatively easily to me (and tbh, most things do), I don't really understand how to get better at it.

My mother dealt with this very poorly when I was a child. Anything I was bad at, it was "oh well, you can't be good at everything" and that was that. As if that skill or hobby was just a write off, because I was 'bad' at it, never to be tried ever again.

I was “gifted and talented” all through school, got the highest GCSEs in the year, was reading adult books by age 9. I wasn’t really pushed though, both parents very working class so couldn’t help much with uni and work experience, I got into partying a lot from 17 onwards, lost my motivation, didn’t put a lot of effort in with studying. I got mediocre A level results, got into a mid tier uni to study a STEM subject, got accepted onto two grad schemes. I have a distinction in my masters degree in science and am moderately successful (band 7 in NHS a year after finishing the grad scheme). I’m happy, but feel I could have achieved more if I was pushed a bit and really applied myself.

Yep. Pushed through to work with the 11 year olds at 6, straight As (before stars were available), top Oxbridge first, with relatively little effort. Also anorexic all through teens and few friends until university because the emotional intelligence to realise telling people they're wrong is not the route to friends lagged some considerable way behind the IQ.

Now v successful in field that prizes intelligence over social skills (law). Still quite lazy. Far more friends. I think life is generally a lot easier if you are v clever (just as it is if you're v good looking I imagine). But like anything it doesn't come without its disadvantages.

good days & bad days. Like everyone else.

Yes, I was identified as 'gifted/genius' quite early on, took extra maths and science lessons with an older year group and started to learn French, Spanish and Latin at primary school. Went to a very academically focused single-sex grammar school, and was always top of the class in everything except music, art and RE, I'm rubbish at the first two and found the latter a load of nonsense (still do)😄10 A* at GCSE, 4 A at A-level and then my Vet Med degree and specialism. I've written/co-written a lot of journal articles and contributed to several books etc. My DM and Stepdad were always extremely supportive and encouraging but never pushy. I never felt pressured by them but I was very internally motivated and had high expectations for myself. I loved school, loved university and love my job; I've never had any mental health issues or suffered from lack of motivation or burnout so I guess I've been very lucky. I have always loved fitness (running, climbing, CrossFit) and travel as well as academics and I've always prioritised things like that that make me happy. DP has a PhD in physics and has a very high flying job in R&D, he also really enjoys his work but maintains a good work-life balance.

I was labelled as gifted as a youngster due to precocious language skills and being generally quick to learn facts (the typical "walking encyclopedia" child) but my parents rejected the recommendation that I should be moved up a year at school because my social skills were, if anything, a little behind for my age. They also had no time for MENSA. I was reasonably industrious but regressed towards the mean as I got older. Got a decent degree, have had a successful but not outstanding career, had a bad marriage then a good one, and have children, some of whom followed a similar pattern to me. I'm not neurodiverse and haven't struggled with my mental health.

First 17 years being slapped back into my place (literally) because I was getting ideas above my station and was 'too clever by half' at home and bullied at school because I was poor, neglected and clever, so didn't fit in.

Legged it at the the first chance to move in with the first bloke who gave me a second look. He then decided I was getting ideas above my station when I said I wanted to get a job instead of knocking out eight kids on benefits (his entire career plan).

Went through a bunch of other guys who all thought I was too full of myself because I could answer questions on TV quiz shows and once made a comment in conversation about the historical context of WWI. Eventually met DP who thinks I'm awesome, got a low level job where they decided I was actually worth promoting.

Still earning not very much at all, but we have a roof over our heads.

I was a "bright"" child, way above average intelligence, free reading at 5, precocious, confident and was constantly told I was "bright".

The thing is that my "brightness" was in the arts, music, English and all creative subjects. Which didn't help me in a highly academic grammar school.
I hated it, scraped through with 7 GCSEs and was lazy. All I wanted to do was go to music college and become a singer/songwriter.

On the plus side my "above average intelligence" has lead to me using my considerable EQ skills to work my way to a lucrative role (in Finance ironically...) - built pretty much solely on my logic, reasoning, diplomacy, social capital, confidence and positive manipulation skills. And it's a career I'm good at despite having no qualifications for it!

I hated the pressure of knowing I was bright as a child, it lead me to be flippant and lazy.
Being gifted or labeled bright, can be a real burden - it can lead a person to strive for nothing less than perfection, or to them rejecting the status entirely and expecting to coast through.

Thankfully my kids are totally, incredibly, wonderfully average! 😂

I was identified as "gifted" and assigned to an accelerated track in school. Unfortunately I came from a very poor single parent family with, let's just say, a lot of other issues. That affected me socially. I also have executive functioning issues and probably ADD. I don't think I'm autistic but I struggle with interpersonal relationships because my childhood was so difficult. I managed to obtain a degree but I'm barely at average standards in terms of a job and income. I honestly think that's only because I am pretty smart, it would have been so difficult to overcome my background otherwise.

Gifted from being very young but turned down a scholarship, mainly due to being very poor and I didn't want to be bullied for it. I lost interest in education as I felt I was being held back so much at school. Did no work whatsoever at college so ended up with mediocre grades - I didn't see the point as I knew I couldn't afford to go to university. I really wish I'd made the effort anyway, but I had a difficult childhood and was affected by it (and still am).

I was also cripplingly shy, had no ambition and no confidence. I married a man who belittled everything I did and made me feel worthless. When I eventually built up the courage to apply for a promotion at work, he did everything he could to ruin it for me.

Since divorcing I've been promoted twice but ever since I've been suffering from what I think is probably burnout. I can't think properly, feel like I'm useless at my job, am constantly on the edge of tears and am ridiculously disorganised. I have a 2yr old and a newborn and am in my late 30s with a DP who has much more potential than I do and an inflexible job, so my career will go nowhere while I try to work my job around him and the childcare.

I no longer have the ability to turn my hand to anything and excel without effort. I now struggle to keep up and take in information. I've noticed I no longer have the attention to detail I once had and don't pick up on things that a few years ago would never have passed me by. I know if I met anyone from my past, they'd be surprised how mediocre my life is and how average my career is.

Not gifted here but DD is quite bright (but only little so who knows). The person identified as gifted in my family ended up doing not as well as others primarily I think because they don’t want to also I think they spent a lot of time being told how gifted they were and coasted (personality thing I think). Having said that there are a bunch of very clever (oxbridge type of thing) people in my family and no-one made a fuss over them and they seemed to excel in areas they wanted to work in.

I was thinking about it after some threads on parents being disappointed with their kids not maximising their potential and it did seem that if you are very clever theres almost like an “you owe it to the world to be a super duper research scientist” vibe going on. We don’t insist beautiful people become models yet gifted people seem to come under a lot of pressure to “do something” with their lives. Bit unfair really.