Any other adults who were highly gifted children?

[12Thorns]

I am one of 6 people in my family who were judged very highly gifted (all in the top 0.01% academically)- this is over 3 generations

lots of parents here talk about having gifted children so I thought a thread on how we all turned out might be interesting and give parents of gifted children a realistic idea of how the future could develop

so from the 6 we have 2 who have gone on to be world class in their chosen field. One in medicine one in computing. These are both men who left the child raising to their wives!

we have one younger man who did ‘adequately’ at university by putting in about 5% of the normal effort when he could be bothered to fit it in between drinking and playing rugby. 3 years later, rising up the ranks in a global IT company at 3 times the expected rate, earning bucket loads

2 who have achieved ‘nothing’ in the conventional sense. One has given her life over to raising a disabled daughter, having dropped out of university herself, blaming dyslexia. One who spent his entire working life unemployed addicted to weed, but now in his 60s becoming very politically active in the green party and extinction rebellion

and me. Dyslexic and dispraxic. I can’t drive or use scissors. I am a very happy single mum and teacher. I fid several years in research and will return to it when I retire. I have written books and articles but not in my own name so most people don’t know. I don’t think I ever fulfilled my potential. But I am happy. And I still might!😁

I was, and I excelled up to about Y9. Then I figured that, actually, I could just do as well as everyone else with very little effort whatsoever, and kept this attitude until I graduated from uni with a 2:1.

So all I used my 'gifts' for was being lazy and doing reasonably well anyway.

Go me.

Something that definitely affected me was that having not had to try at school, I didn't learn how to make an effort. I procrastinate terribly now, especially when a new project involves coordinating/liaising with people as this doesn't come naturally to me and I didn't learn how to make an effort as a child, if that makes sense.

That makes total sense to me!
(Also very able blabla). And that’s the reason I really struggled with the attitude of teachers towards ds.
When he was in Y6 he decided to write something about radioactivity. Put two pages of it together, no effort and hand it in to his teacher. Now that year, he had a good teacher who look at it, and send ds to see the HT (who had a PhD in science) because she couldn’t understand it. Fair enough, he was going on about the structure if the atom etc.. (basically what he then learnt in GCSE). The teacher he had the previous year just sneered at him for doing that.
The bottom line is he was never learnt sustain effort at school.
The way he learnt that was through sport and the fact he is extremely competitive….

Yes. I could read very early and was always very good at any subjects involving words and creativity, not so much at those involving numbers/science. Was the first in my family to go to university. I got very good but not stellar academic results and work in a traditional profession. Very good at working smart not hard. Still very good at quizzes and still smarter than the average bear but I'm not a genius.

DD1 got 9s and 8s at GCSE - she is basically me + a harder working ethic and the advantage of grammar school and middle class sharp elbowed parents. DD2 - we don't know yet but she is very sporty and gifted at that.

Something that definitely affected me was that having not had to try at school, I didn't learn how to make an effort

Yes. That was the difference for DD1 - going to a school just being one of many smart kids who wanted to learn and being stretched in a good way.

Yes- moved up at school, always straight As, Oxford. I was a total lazybones in my academic work and never put any effort in, although would get weirdly obsessed by my own projects.

Became a lawyer (at which point I did start working hard), now have a good career and a lovely family and still have my own funny little projects (currently teaching myself Ancient Greek). I sometimes wonder whether I could have achieved (or could still achieve) something more if I had made more effort but I really can’t complain. I’ve learned that the ability to work and apply oneself is essential even for the brightest- all inspiration and no perspiration can only get you so far.

Yes, I was extremely gifted. Was reading and writing at 3, reading novels by the time I was 6, picked up French on family holidays by reading signs and listening to French radio in the car, could play the piano well by ear.

I really started to struggle during primary school and even more during secondary school because I couldn't focus. I found it mind numbing, hated all the social side, and felt like the way everything was taught sucked all the joy out of it. I had loved literature until we spent hours dissecting every line of a play. I had loved French until we were made to do endless grammar worksheets. I still did well at school because I wanted to get out of my shithole of a hometown and go away to uni but I didn't enjoy it at all.

Went to uni, got on well, got a good degree and a Master's and then graduated into the financial crisis. Floundered for years. Struggled with office jobs because I couldn't focus and was let go from several jobs quickly. Was called 'thick' many times for making basic mistakes. Realised I got on much better with jobs where I wasn't sitting in front of a screen all day. Ended up in low paid work I enjoyed, like TEFL and It wasn't until I was about 32 that I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism and then everything suddenly made sense.

Now I work as a software developer, which I suppose is a fairly high status, well paid job, but my parents still feel I have under achieved. They expected me to get a big job at the UN or somewhere, or to be working as a diplomat. I feel like I've wasted my potential and it gets me down.

That seems quite fanciful and not at all evidenced.

Is it not more likely that being labeled as “gifted” is down to skills that are just not that useful in adult life, and that where they are useful they need to be accompanied by a range of other, unrelated ones?

It's quite striking and surprising though, that so many on the thread are ND. I'd be interested to know if there is a connection. Particularly when people have told you, "You can't have ADHD - you are a straight A student!l"

I was as a child, top grammar from a free school meals household. Df who didn't agree with education of women, did everything he could to stop me but I managed to get my degree.

Towards the end of my career now, single mum, own home, reasonable pension. I have a much much better life than my dm which I guess is the best way to judge - each generation better off than the previous one.

The main bit is having an income that allows me independence and the freedom to support my ds in being more successful or secure (whichever he chooses) in turn..

DP and I were both gifted children. Met at Oxbridge where we both did well. He’s finishing his PhD and I work in a civil service role which doesn’t push me anywhere near enough. I’ve always felt like I should be doing more but never known what! The problem with being told you can do anything you want is figuring out what it is you want and I haven’t managed that yet.

In terms of parenting, I went to not-great schools where the focus was more on crowd control than on helping high achievers so I do know that when if our DC (when we have them) show signs of giftedness I want to send them to a more academic school be that private or grammar. Even for primary, as I remember in primary school they didn’t know what to do with me and told me to flip through the dictionary to find my own spellings that would be hard enough

I could read anything by aged three, but no not gifted very atrocious at maths and I have shocking spatial awareness and motor skills.

I'm good at trivia/quizzes though :)

I would say I was fairly average in school exam results wise. I do enjoy learning new things though but I am not a genius nor would I be able to get into Mensa.

I was top 1% at school. Top of my class in literally everything (except music and PE 😆).

Dropped out at 13/14, ended up spending years pootling around Europe doing drugs, living in squats etc.

Came back to the UK early 20s, got into a top ten uni via an access course, again - top of the class, first class degree, won every award going. Got a highly sought after training contract with a top law firm.

Performed very well, seen as 'exceptional' amongst peers and management. Then started to develop severe mental health and alcohol issues.

Now, I am working in-house for a considerably lower salary than I could be on if I'd continued on the expected career trajectory (still very good though!). I work 9-5 only and probably only apply about 50% effort during those times. Still seem to be doing pretty well work-wise. I think (hope!) that I've finally found some kind of balance!

It's very interesting to see how many posters here have been diagnosed with ADHD/are ND. I wish there were more information and awareness about how this manifests in girls and women, it might help many seek support or help during difficult times.

I don't know about gifted but I was academically bright and my parents had high hopes for me. I've done relatively well in a high-status but slightly alternative profession (low paid though) but like others I figured out I could work very little and still appear to be doing well. I probably work only one or two full days a week in my full time job. I use the spare time to be with my DD and pursue my own projects.

What being labelled 'bright', 'gifted' or whatever has done for me is to give me a constant sense that I am underachieving. I struggle not to compare myself with others who are more successful career-wise, even though from another perspective I am sure my life looks very good indeed.

Me.

Mensa, took extra exams etc. o bridge. Had a hugely successful career. Still clever in that I find things easy that other people struggle with.

Dyslexic though so find other things impossible (left and right!)

Is it not more likely that being labeled as “gifted” is down to skills that are just not that useful in adult life, and that where they are useful they need to be accompanied by a range of other, unrelated ones?

Completely agree with this. The number of jobs where all you need is the sort of narrow academic intelligence people are discussing here is practically zero. It’s just one of a set of abilities. I work in a field in which logical and verbal abilities are highly prized but without emotional intelligence (so-called “people skills”), application and a degree of confidence they’re almost entirely useless.

I also think (and this may sound harsh) that we form ideas of ourselves when we’re in a very small pond. Being the cleverest kid in the school with a super high IQ etc is great but once you get into the world and try to achieve in a competitive area, it means fuck all. Every one of my colleagues will have been the cleverest kid in their school.

I should also say, I struggled with the expectations of those around me to the extent that at 14 I attempted suicide and was depressed on and off between the ages of 13 and 25. I don't think piling pressure on children is a good thing.

I like most of you was labelled as extremely intelligent at a young age. I was put up a year at primary school and I joined mensa at 12. However I was adopted at 5 and never had a proper mother/daughter relationship with my adopted mother so when I went to Uni I completely crashed and burned - I had never had to put any effort into school plus I was working 2 jobs to support myself as was no longer in contact with my family. I dropped out and so without a degree lots of jobs I would like to have gone for are out of reach. I worked part time low paid jobs when my kids were smaller.

My eldest is very similar - extremely clever, reading age of 14+ when he was 4 etc. But he has ASD and poor people and social skills.
My middle is clever but 'normal' clever but is creative and sociable and good at solving problems, she can get along with anyone and is friendly and helpful.
I feel my daughter will actually do 'better' in life as a lot of progression up through the ranks relies on people skills rather than knowledge.

Im interested in the ND connection. Certainly I am "gifted" in a narrow set of thinking skills and rubbish at managing thr house/stuff thats valued innthe world around me. Hence constant feeling a failure.

I so wish Id gone a dofferent direction after uni as once in a good career you can putsource some of this.
Lots of people have found their niche and done well. I wish I had!

Its v polorised isn't it. If you dont find the right intellectual career then everyday jobs can be tough and can fall to the bottom.

I was, though not to your extent. I refused to join Mensa when invited (why my parents let me make that decision I don't know!) and was never pushed but enticed - carrots not sticks. Coasted a lot so was always an A/2.1 student without putting any work in, rather than A*/1st.

No neurodiversity and ended up in a good job outearning my parents' professional careers by the time I was 30. Things have always just come easily to me and though I now work hard, I wish I'd worked harder at school.

We're similar in my family that there is a 'gifted' trait that's come down the generations.

1 died from meningitis aged about 2 but not before he freaked his mother out by asking for a white rabbit in a properly formed sentence before his second birthday

1 died from some sort of brain cancer in his 30s. Well before my time so I don't know the details

1 (my mum) was held back by her mother fearing brain related death for her. She was also the youngest daughter and was expected to stay home and look after them. Became a maths teacher but could have been so much more

1 (a cousin) went to Oxford and is some high flying lawyer now

1 (my brother) went to Cambridge and has been involved in all sorts of pioneering computer research. Has a job to pay the bills but prefers his own projects

1 (my daughter) well she's only 3 so we've yet to see where she is going but I hope far. She's got a brain on her

All my kids’ aunts and uncles went to Oxbridge, all v v clever, one relative was accelerated through school etc. All very normal now and some of them may be seen as chaotic/dysfunctional!

I was put up a year at school and was way ahead of the children in the class I was moved into. Labelled as a "genius". Did extremely well at university.
I was also described as a "polymath" - I was equally good in sciences, languages, music, art.
But I have struggled my whole life. I was bullied at school. I often got overwhelmed about the smallest things. Developed phobias. It all came really unstuck when I was doing a PhD which I then did not complete. I had what would be described as a "breakdown". I really should have had some kind of counselling and proper treatment at that point. But my mother was very against anything like that (fear of being locked away etc. as happened in her generation and the generation before her - not in our family, just in general). So she kind of brushed all of the "breakdown" stuff under the carpet and labelled it as "exhaustion" which the GP actually did too.
I did recover and then went into primary school teaching. Was really good with the children but struggled constantly with colleagues and not understanding what they expected of me and similarly not understanding the "hidden" meanings in conversations.
I'd get constantly overwhelmed and end up crying and in a state. Off several times with stress.

I ended up emigrating and being self-employed. That is much better. But I struggle SO much with communication.
In the last year I've been thinking that I could be autistic. I don't really know how to go about getting assessed in the country I'm in and if it would even help in anyway.
But there's definitely something neurodiverse about me.
I'm having lessons in a musical instrument from a top teacher who teaches all over Europe. He said a while back, "You realize you aren't like anyone else, don't you? You tick completely differently and think differently". And he said he has to adapt some of the things he is saying so that I will understand.

TLDR: Yes I was a gifted child but it was more of a curse and I'm what you'd describe as a "drop out" and there's possible autism at play here. Life is a massive struggle - it really is. It's just too much most of the time.

This is an interesting thread. I wasn't classed as gifted but my DS is (or a 'highly able learner' as they are called now.) He is only 9 (well about to turn 9) and already incredibly bored with school. It's difficult to do the right thing as a parent as I don't, and have never, pushed him to be academic. To me I want him to play and have fun and make friends at primary school but I know the highschool he is due to attend is not the best and some of the answers so far have made me think I should find somewhere else for him. Food for thought.

Apologies didn't mean to interrupt the conversation.

I was accelerated through school - at uni just turned 17. This was at a time when uni was mega-academic; no vocational courses. I struggled at uni, as frankly I was not mature enough. It wasn't the work - it was the social side and having the confidence to mix and make the most of the opportunities. I wish the school had let me be in my own class with my own friends, and that I had had a gap year. I would then have arrived at uni with a bit more life experience behind me.

I did fine career-wise; and loved being a SAHM for a while. I do not think I gained anything at all by being pushed through the academic system early.

I think too much is made of "gifted children" - by all means encourage their talents, but do not lose sight of the fact that emotionally, socially and developmentally they are not in front of their chronological age - they just happen to have a greater intellect, which should not become the focus of everyone's efforts, but should be seen in context.