Thick people

[sonlypuppyfat]

Most evenings DD sits in the front garden letting her pet rabbit run around the lawn. He is a normal shaped rabbit black with sticking up ears. Two young boys around 15 or so walked past and one asked what sort of dog it was

At several zoo /wildlife parks this past year I have heard dps tell dc about :
Monkeys that were in fact lemurs, a white fox that was actually a wolf, bears instead of hyenas and a zebra being a donkey!!
This being the adults getting them wrong!!

My dp came running in from the garden because he had seen a badger & didn’t know if it should be there, when I had a look I had to break the news that it was actually a hedgehog. In his defence he is Australian, however he has been here nearly 20 years and should know the difference

Do also wanted to phone the police the first time he saw a fox, he thought it was a very dangerous wild animal. I’m just with dp for comedy value really

I am a bit of a snob when it comes to thickos. I joined a chess club to meet clever men. My dp calls small dogs rats though

Years ago I had a temp job as a receptionist in a double glazing company. A woman phoned up and said she wanted to arrange a quote for replacement windows.
Me: Are you thinking of wood or pvc?
Woman: Are they the only options? I'd better leave it, they're windows so they really have to be glass!

My shopping was passing through the checkout on the conveyor belt and the young man who was manning the till said "whats that" I said "its a cauliflower", he said "oh I wondered I have seen them before not sure what they were called".

When ds2 was a couple of months old, I took him and his 2 and half yr old brother out in a side by side twin buggy. Ds2 was all snuggled up and asleep and ds1 was awake and chatting away.
A woman, who looked like she was in her thirties stopped me and said ‘awwww. Are they twins?’

This always cracks me up:

I went for a walk one evening a few years ago and heard some lads talking about this being the 'castle near the river'. To be fair there is a ruined castle not too far away but this isn't it...

My school RE teacher, who was certainly a sandwich short of a picnic:

New girl joins our class. Teacher asks her name. "Katy", she replied.
Teacher: "Oh Heather! That's a pretty name. Do you spell it with or without a P?"

We were in Yr 9 at the time and the whole class just sat there like this

and a zebra being a donkey!!
This being the adults getting them wrong!! to be fair a zebra is very closely related to a donkey and if you look carefully their tails and body shapes are very similar...

I once asked a store assistant in H and M if they had a certain style of trousers in a side 12. She went to look. Came back and said (without humour) "No but I've got two size 6s?"

I remember watching a programme on TV, I think it was 999 what's your emergency or something. The caller was reporting a robbery or something like that and the car had driven off. The call handler asked which direction the car had travelled in and the caller replied, "Forwards." The look on her face was priceless

A good was tearing her bloke a new one for shooting clay pigeons. As he protested that they are clay pigeons she screamed - I don’t care what breed they are!

Good friend 🤦‍♀️

Anyone wanna admit they think a zebra is a donkey? Similarities would not make you say donkey!

Yoksha he's old enough to tell to fuck off, the cheeky sod! 😂

Just remembered an absolute classic from DD2 when she was 7, so more childhood innocence than thick.

DD- Mum, are you a virgin?

Me- well DD, I’m your mother

DD- oh, yeah 🤣

to be fair a zebra is very closely related to a donkey and if you look carefully their tails and body shapes are very similar...

Anyone wanna admit they think a zebra is a donkey? Similarities would not make you say donkey! I did manage to convince my big brother that a donkey is a type of zebra 😂and when he found put the truth and was a bit cross that's what I told him!

I like your DP nancy. He needs this:
www.oxfam.org.uk/shop/books/science-and-nature/the-observers-book-of-british-wild-animals-hd_101296685?pscid=ps_ggl_shopping&gclid=CjwKCAjw5ZPcBRBkEiwA-avvk2m7pC5z-xOXbF7zCfBikJ4NB7DKmulfuaojc12duRMvWb8RKjZTaBoCZLIQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds&dclid=CKPA3-afkN0CFURxGwodTKsBCA

I’ve just go back from a weekend with my dad and his wife. She is spectacularly dim.

Ds has a magic painting book thing, it’s a fabric one that comes with a pen you fill up with water and when it dries you can use it again. I honestly think she thought it was some kind of voodoo, she just couldn’t get her head around it at all.

She also can’t understand why ds has to go to nursery all year round rather than just term time, why he started going at age 1, and why he has to go in for a full day from 8-6. Yet she does understand that I work 9-5 and have no family that live close by. Although that maybe just her being judgemental rather than thick.

I was at the Coinstar in Asda yesterday (for those unfamiliar, a machine into which you put all your coppers and get back notes/credit note).

Man behind me with big jar of coins asks, "Does this thing take any money?" "Yes," I reply, "9.9%."
"Er, wassat, then?" he says. "Almost 10%," I reply. "Wassat?"

I tried to explain that if he put in £1, the machine would take 10p, or if he put in £10, the machine would take £1. Or if he had £32.20, then it would be about £3.20. He still looked a bit blank.

It must be awful to have such a lack of basic maths skills.

DD6 "was it black and white when you were little? I was early 40s

Upon hearing my brother was autistic, my sister's friend said 'I can paint too'

I was sitting by my daughter's hospital bed years ago, doing a cross stitch to pass the time. Mother sitting at next bed. 'Aw look, she's doing knitting'. Granny replies (and I quote) 'don't be so f**king daft, it's crochet' (pronounced crotchet) 😐