Thick people

[sonlypuppyfat]

Most evenings DD sits in the front garden letting her pet rabbit run around the lawn. He is a normal shaped rabbit black with sticking up ears. Two young boys around 15 or so walked past and one asked what sort of dog it was

Years ago we were discussing the millennium bug at college and one student said but why's it a problem surely they sorted it out last time when the date changed to 1000 🤦‍♀️

True story, some JWs knocked on my door and the dog barked. I also have a cat who I picked up in my arms to stop him running out and trapped the dog out of the porch whilst I answered the door.

As I opened it, the man having heard the bark looked at my cat (similar pictured) and said, "Oh, what an interesting.. dog?"

The woman who was with him just looked at him like

It's about 5 years later and I'm still laughing!

When DH & I announced we were expecting twins we were asked all the time if they were identical or not. We explained that we didn’t know as they were in separate sacs and would have to have DNA testing done when they were born, if they were the same sex as it would be the only way to tell.

A friend queried why we would only have the DNA test done if they were the same sex. We were standing in a group of people at the time and everyone just stared at him and waited for him to “get it”.

He didn’t - so we replied that there would clearly be no need to do a test if they were boy/girl twins as it would be obvious.

He STILL didn’t get it!

By this time the whole room was laughing and when it was explained again to him, he still queried it with “but ID twins could be boy/girl because it’s not to do with sex, it’s to do with DNA”

He has 2 undergrad degrees and a masters. His wife is a GP!

Just RTFT and the WH Smith one from page 1 reminded me of a conversation I had years ago with a WH Smith assistant (back when they were still pretending to be a bookshop and more than half the stock was books).
Me: do you have any plays?
Her: like games?
Me: no, play scripts.
Her: what’s that then?

Sweetheart1313 that's very good

If l'd been in this situation

Man behind me with big jar of coins asks, "Does this thing take any money?" "Yes," I reply, "9.9%.".
"Er, wassat, then?" he says. "Almost 10%," I reply. "Wassat?"

I'd have thought l was being asked if the machine took different currencies.

My neighbours dog had stitches in his paw recently after an injury and as he was inclined to pick at them, was forced to wear the 'cone of shame'. We took him out for a short walk one evening and a woman coming in the other direction with her own dog stopped and exclaimed "Oh your dog's hat is lovely!"

A friend who is approaching 50 and lives in one of the most socially deprived areas in the UK said to me the other day “I don’t get all this food bank nonsense, do you? What’s it all about really?”

I felt very confused and asked her what she didn’t “get” and she said “you get loads of money on benefits, your housing is paid, why can’t they afford food?!”

I had to explain that there is often a long wait to see someone about benefits, a further wait for forms etc to be approved and that it can be six weeks on average with no income at all and outgoings carrying on. I had to further explain sanctions and how just missing a bus (or not having a bus fare at all) or being in hospital or going through bereavement meaning you can’t get to the jobcentre etc can result in benefits being stopped. I also had to explain what happens what happens to a full time carer when the person they often lived with and cared for dies (ie DLA/Carers Allowance stops) and the various situations that can happen to someone meaning they have no ways of supporting themselves.

She looked totally wide eyed like her whole image of the world was completely shattered. She literally thought that you turn up at the job centre and they give you a huge amount of money no questions asked. When she nipped to the loo my other friend turned to me and said “how on earth could anyone be that thick? Where has she been living her whole life?!”

Not to mention getting a new job, having JSA stopped but then having to wait 3 weeks for WTC to come through, also they stop housing benefit and you have to reapply for that. That was a miserable Christmas.

MY Dh was in the car when it started to rain.

He said "where's all this rain coming from"

"Underneath you" I replied sarcastically

He actually bent over to look under the seat before realising what I said

@HildaZelda ha ha, that's brilliant!

I just watched the first episode of The Bodyguard and didn't realise the main guy was Robb Stark despite being a massive GoT fan. I feel pretty thick

My brother couldn't understand why at our cousins wedding, he couldn't have a sausage and a burger from the hog roast. He genuinely seemed to believe that they cut a pig open end they came out that way!

He ask rang me to tell me he'd tried a pork necklace the other day. He meant a mediation

He's 23.

Yes I have a good one.

My DH was walking our Dog one evening,he's a grey/brindle Greyhound and as he was walking our Dog two men walked past on the opposite side of the road and one of the guys jumped up into his poor mates arms and screamed that man's walking a Fucking Tiger,now our dog is a big dog, big even for a Greyhound but he looks fuck all like a Tiger and we live in the UK so God only knows where he thought we'd bought a Tiger from.

Friend 1 didn't understand the difference between the UK and Great Britain.

Friend 2 said "Look, it's SIMPLE! The UK is made up of England, Scotland, Northern Ireland, and Walend."

Friend 2 also thought if you had to cross the sea you were no longer in Europe

A friend from school thought the Roman Empire fell following WW2, and that chickens couldn't mate.

A relative was paddling about in Blackpool when a large wave soaked him unexpectedly.

As he shook himself off and squeezed his sopping wet trousers he uttered the immortal line, 'Gosh, isn't it amazing how wet sea-water can be?'

Family legend now.

Dd ( who's doing a masters degree in engineering). Watching England v Sweden, oh look, sweden are playing in Ikea colours

Have you seen that viral fb post when someone thought a badger was a lost dog?

We also had to explain to one of our colleagues why some eggs stayed as eggs and others became chicks.

We actually had to explain how a mummy chicken and a daddy chicken have baby chickens...

Colleague has 3 kids.

Here it is

My DD still talks about a former classmate who said he was going to Blackpool 'to see the Northern Lights'.

These wonderful exanples came up on my facebook feed today.

I have a very good friend who is wonderful but has absolutely zero common sense and the stuff she comes out with is hilarious...

"is Easter always on a Sunday?"
I replied jokingly "yes, but good Friday is not always on a Friday"
She replied with "is it not?" genuinely.

She has also asked me "where would I go to buy grated cheese?" as if it was a specialty or something.

And finally the best one "is Abraham Lincoln an actor?"

She is fabulous lol.

Working in A&E. Boy of about 15 comes in and says to me ‘I’m lookin’ fer me Nan”. So I say, “Ok. What’s her name?” to which he replies, “I dunno. I just call ‘er Nan”. 🙄

My mum thinks that once we have left the EU we will no longer be part of Europe. Not sure what continent she thinks we will belong to after that...