Trigger warning - I've had 4 terminations for non-medical reasons AMA

[Schnorkmaiden]

I'd like to explain the reason why I did and hope that people won't be too cruel but either way - I do know the reasons I did were right for me at the time.

My only issue with timpani posts was the comment "If you don't want to get pregnant, then you or your partner should get sterilised"

I'm Irish and we've just won the right to choose if we continue an unplanned pregancy or not.

I'm 36 I've been asking to be sterilised since I had my last dc at 29
Apparently I might change my mind!

So I couldn't choose abortion or sterilisation

I'm so sorry for what you are going through timpani
I won't insult you by saying I have the first clue of how hard it is for you

@CurlyhairedAssassin
No way do I want to try and source emergency contraception in a foreign country
If you explain the circumstances some pharmacists will sell you the MAP to take abroad with you just in case.

Sorry OP, bit of a thread hijack there but thought it could be useful

Thanks for doing this AMA. I can't believe how nasty some of the comments are!

The reason abortion is so taboo is because of irresponsible people getting pregnant and using abortions as a quick fix. I’m not anti abortion but I’m anti irresponsible people.

What is the irresponsible act in deciding not to continue with an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy?

I was 17 and naive and thought it could'nt happen to me

To be blunt I'm not sure "naive" is the word I would pick.

The fourth I thought I was using contraception responsibly albeit late with my renewal of the DEPO - I also thought I was going through the peri-menopause so chances of me getting pregnant were near nil

More naivety I assume?

I'm not sure what your point is OP- but you are a gift to anyone wanting to campaign for restrictions on abortion.

I am pro - choice but equally I think women should take responsibility for their fertility. Abortion should be the last choice - not a "whoops, silly me I wasn't actually having an early menopause" choice. By 3 terminations and a live birth one might have expected some of your naivety to have worn off.

What a thoroughly nasty post Lass.

The OP has mentioned she was abused and raped and this lead to the first two terminations.

Her final termination was when she was in her 40s - an age group where abortions have skyrocketed due to constant media reports about fertility falling off a cliff once you're past 35 (as Jean Twenge reports it doesn't). So yes very understandable.

On top of this the OP talks about regrets so this must have been difficult to write about let alone experience.

How you can be so judgemental and well, cruel to the OP is really horrible to behold.

Guess you must have missed the fact the number of older women having children , even their first child, in their 30s and 40s is increasing. That is well reported and pretty obvious in real life too.

For any one to say that at 17 they thought getting pregnant would not happen to them is not "naive"

After 3 terminations to take such a cavalier attitude to contraception at an age when it is not at all unusual for women to become pregnant is irresponsible.

Women like the OP are a gift to anyone wanting to campaign for restrictions on abortion (which by the way I am not).

Thank you so much for this thread OP

I've not read most of the replies.

Luckily I've only been pregnant twice both through choice so I cannot pass comment.

In a way I think you're very brave. Most people (I'd assume) would think what the heck and continue with the pregnancies. Not fair on anyone involved.

@ihavebrillohair.
I wanted to start a similar thread, I've had one termination, but it was at 23+5.
I think you are maybe like me, you want people to listen, you want them to accept your choices and agree with you?
I didn't start the thread (yet, I might), because the bottom line is it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, I'm fine with it.

Really? You're fine with it? Ok if you think it was the right choice but 'I'm fine with it' I hope you had a really good reason to abort a baby that far along in a pregnancy, as far as I knew it was illegal.

I haven't got anything that I want to ask you but you shouldn't feel ashamed about having 4 terminations no matter what.

^ I disagree. I'm pro choice, but I would feel ashamed/idiotic to have gotten pregnancy accidentally 4 times. Ok number 2 wasn't within your control but 1,3 & 4 were. Just be more careful, take responsibilty. & before anyone says well shouldn't the men take responsibility? Yes they should, you both should of.

Yes, I'm fine with it, yes I had a good reason, that reason matters neither here or there to you, the outcome is the same.
Of course it's not illegal, I couldn't have done it if it was.
You have no idea of the law?

Your issue is me being fine with it?
You have a problem with me not punishing myself, not weeping and wailing every day, not hating myself?
Really, really?

Why would you think to take the MAP if you were using contraception? No contraceptive is 100% effective - there will always be a few who are unlucky. They will likely find out that they are pregnant way after the window which the MAP applies to.

@IHaveBrilloHair if you're going to comment publicly that you're fine with having an abortion after 20 weeks expect someone to question it. I've just googled it - 24 weeks is the maximum without health reasons so you were 2 days within the time limit, hardly inexcusable of me to make that mistake is it? You couldn't of had an abortion before this time? Babies can be born at 24 weeks & survive with medical intervention now, you know? In fact for that reason lots of people believe the time limit should be brought down.

No, I couldn't.
The baby surviving at whatever age wasn't a concern for me.
You can question it all you like, I did what I did and I'm still fine with it.
It was the right choice for me.

Do the NHS still kick off if you have too many abortions? Or the MAP too often. I know people who were told they weren't getting any more because it was damaging their health. Does that still happen?

@IHaveBrilloHair nice.

I struggled for years to fall pregnant and had to have ivf. Thank you for starting this thread, I’ve never thought about what it must be like to be very fertile and pregnant by accident. I was pro choice until I fell pregnant, and even more so during, it was such a head fuck I couldn’t imagine having to do it against my will and am thankful we have the right to have an abortion.

Do people IRL know about your abortions op, and if they do how have they responded?

I’m pro choice and agree this should be talked about more. What I do disagree with is people who are of course “pro choice” but only in certain circumstances, I can’t get my head round that, you’re pro choice or ur not :/ I’ve had abortions. Only really felt guilt about 1 of them. Even 6 years later I’m pissed off about the judgy doctors i had to face tho

@LanaorAna2 yes it still happenes