Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AMA
Original poster

Trigger warning - I've had 4 terminations for non-medical reasons AMA

142 replies

Schnorkmaiden · 31/07/2018 23:55

I'd like to explain the reason why I did and hope that people won't be too cruel but either way - I do know the reasons I did were right for me at the time.

OP posts:
InionEile · 01/08/2018 03:04

Sorry for what you went through in your early relationship, OP. Your story is a good example of why women need access to abortion, even if many of us dislike the idea of abortion. It’s easy to judge and say ‘make better choices’ but people who say that have probably never been in the situation of making such a tough choice.

What do you think of places where politicians are working to take away access to abortion for women like in some parts of the US and Ireland (prior to the recent referendum)?

PersianCatLady · 01/08/2018 03:48

I haven't got anything that I want to ask you but you shouldn't feel ashamed about having 4 terminations no matter what.

When you find yourself pregnant and you know that it isn't the right time or situation for you to have a baby in, I actually think that it is far braver and kinder to make the difficult decision to have a termination.

I don't know why there is still a stigma around having an abortion when there are so many kids living in less than ideal conditions.

Please ignore the "haven't you heard of contraception comments" and thank you for getting people to talk about this important issue.

PersianCatLady · 01/08/2018 03:50

I don't really understand why you would start this thread
Actually I do understand why she started but why did you feel the need to post if you don't see the point of the thread??

ThreeIsACharm · 01/08/2018 14:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThreeIsACharm · 01/08/2018 14:30

Gosh no idea how I wrote this in the wrong thread. Many apologies OP Flowers

LeroyJenkins · 01/08/2018 14:36

I'm pro choice, and that to me means if you don't want to be pg then there are ways you don't need to be.

No judgement here

PurpleBeachTowel · 01/08/2018 15:10

Do you have any children?

AhhhhThatsBass · 01/08/2018 22:07

You don’t need to defend your decision to terminate a pregnancy to anyone. We have abortion in the UK as an option to everyone for any reason, not just for medical purposes.

manaftermidnight · 01/08/2018 23:37

Why shouldn't she start this thread? Why do you think people shouldn't talk about it?

I fail to see how 4 women having one abortion each is any different to 1 woman having 4 abortions. It's effectively the same. Too many people think it's ok to have one but the next one we'll judge you for, it's nonsensical.

OP, it's your life, your choice, your business. If you want to talk about it, do. No-one else is qualified to judge you.

Original poster
Schnorkmaiden · 01/08/2018 23:38

PhaedrasChocolate Wed 01-Aug-18 01:01:20
Ok. I am very very pro choice, so my questions are not trying to be judgemental, but more curious.

*The first and second terminations are very difficult situations.

The third - could you not get the MAP?

The fourth - why are you not using contraception properly at this point? Why are you letting it slide when you so obviously don't want to get pregnant?*

In hindsight yes I should have got the MAP - I'm a 'bury my head in the sand' and naively again thought I wouldn't be pregnant. I also naively thought you had to buy the MAP from Boots and the likes and I didn't have the money to pay for it.

The fourth I thought I was using contraception responsibly albeit late with my renewal of the DEPO - I also thought I was going through the peri-menopause so chances of me getting pregnant were near nil.

OP posts:
tedx · 01/08/2018 23:48

Don't answer if you don't want to.

How many weeks into the pregnancies were the terminations?

Original poster
Schnorkmaiden · 01/08/2018 23:49

Baubletrouble43 Wed 01-Aug-18 01:04:39
Thank you for starting this thread op. I had a termination i n similar circumstances to your Darryl, I still have the scan photo and acknowledge babies due date every year quietly to myself. It's a strange comfort to know someone else has come through similar, and I hope your life is now as improved and happy as mine is xx

Thank you Bauble - you can't know how much it means to me that you've said his name and relate - contrary to stigma - I absolutely did not take any of the decisions lightly and I do feel ashamed that I've had 4 terminations, albeit knowing they were for the right reasons xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Schnorkmaiden · 01/08/2018 23:55

*InionEile Wed 01-Aug-18 03:04:20
Sorry for what you went through in your early relationship, OP. Your story is a good example of why women need access to abortion, even if many of us dislike the idea of abortion. It’s easy to judge and say ‘make better choices’ but people who say that have probably never been in the situation of making such a tough choice.

What do you think of places where politicians are working to take away access to abortion for women like in some parts of the US and Ireland (prior to the recent referendum)?*

It terrifies me Inoin - I know how desperate I was in the first two terminations to the point I was so young and would have tried to end my life rather than go through with the pregnancies - I will absolutely fight for the rights of women to terminate no matter what the cause - I was in floods of tears when the the republic of Ireland voted yes - whatever I've experienced I can't imagine how much worse it could be for those women and am thankful they won't have to visit another country to get the medical care they are entitled to x

OP posts:
Original poster
Schnorkmaiden · 02/08/2018 00:08

PurpleBeachTowel Wed 01-Aug-18 15:10:30
Do you have any children?

I have one who I love the bones of

OP posts:
ASAS · 02/08/2018 00:21

You mention NHS. I hope in all cases you were able to access safe services.

IHaveBrilloHair · 02/08/2018 00:24

I wanted to start a similar thread, I've had one termination, but it was at 23+5.
I think you are maybe like me, you want people to listen, you want them to accept your choices and agree with you?
I didn't start the thread (yet, I might), because the bottom line is it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, I'm fine with it

Onecutefox · 02/08/2018 14:50

I am against an abortion if it's done only because it's not the right sex or I don't want it right now, maybe later one day.

Onecutefox · 02/08/2018 14:53

" I don't want it right now, maybe later one day", I have meant to say that I don't want a baby right now so will have an abortion.

IHaveBrilloHair · 02/08/2018 15:18

You can use whatever reasons you like to not have an abortion.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 02/08/2018 15:19

“The fourth I thought I was using contraception responsibly albeit late with my renewal of the DEPO”

With all due respects, that isn’t using contraception responsibly, is it, unless I’m misunderstanding how it’s used?. Surely you must know that you weren’t covered if your DEPO had run out?

I am also mid 40s and terrified of having an unwanted pregnancy. I can’t take hormonal contrCeption anymore and while at my age the risk of pregnancy is lower than when I was younger, it IS still there. For that reason when I go on holiday with my husband soon I doubt we will have sex, which is sad. No way do I want to try and source emergency contraception in a foreign country, while my kids and extended family are there. So while we may feel frisky while we are there, I think we’ll just have to abstain.

I think I would feel even MORE strongly about that had I already had 3 terminations.

I’m not judging, just trying to get my head around why people make different choices in the same situation. Is it attitude to risk, maybe?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 02/08/2018 15:22

IHaveBrilloHair: I think Fox was thinking of examples like, say, a couple do want to start a family but want to go on a luxury holiday first. May even have it booked. If someone had a termination because of pure inconvenience, then, yes, I do think people have a right to look down on that decision.

manaftermidnight · 02/08/2018 15:28

I am against an abortion if it's done only because it's not the right sex or I don't want it right now, maybe later one day

so you're against abortion. But who cares what you are against? Its not your business what anyone else does.

manaftermidnight · 02/08/2018 15:31

If someone had a termination because of pure inconvenience, then, yes, I do think people have a right to look down on that decision

Maybe you could draw up a list of which abortions are acceptable and which ones you think people can judge for?
Or just mind your own business would be much easier.

What is with all this "some abortions are ok and some are not" shit? The outcome is the same every time, what difference does it make why the outcome happens?

Every child a wanted child. If a woman wants an abortion for any reason, thats her choice. Your judgements are about you, not her.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 02/08/2018 15:32

“Its not your business what anyone else does.“

People are allowed an opinion on a chat forum.

People are allowed an opinion in real life. Whether they cause upset by choosing to voice that opinion to someone who chose an abortion for convenience sake is their choice.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 02/08/2018 15:34

People disagree with the way others live their life ALL THE TIME. Some great discussions have been had on MN because of this fact.

Yet, somehow people are not allowed an opinion on whether someone chooses an abortion for pure convenience’s sake?

Swipe left for the next trending thread