Trigger warning - I've had 4 terminations for non-medical reasons AMA

[Schnorkmaiden]

I'd like to explain the reason why I did and hope that people won't be too cruel but either way - I do know the reasons I did were right for me at the time.

Kool Aid: I thought this was a general discussion ablut abortion, which covers how they get pregnant and also the reasons people decide not to go ahead with a pregnancy?

So ok, for me, the risk of getting pregnant while taking the pill correctly and/or using a condom that doesn’t split (or if it does, following up with the MAP) is so tiny that it can hardly be called a risk anymore.

If a pregnancy WERE to happen even despite doing everything by the book, if a person wanted kids but not for a few months cos they had a holiday booked, so they wanted rid of this one, yes, my feelings towards them would change.

This is a highly specific hypothetical situation. I am pro-choice if I had to come down on one side or the other. I don’t think it’s black and white though as as a few people are making out. I think it’s naiive to tell people that they should choose to be either pro-life or pro-choice and that’s that.

I don’t see what’s wrong with trying to do your utmost to avoid a pregnancy but it seems many pro-choicers seem to think that means women should be able to go ahead and take as many risks as they like during their sexual relationships becUse the option of abortion is always there.

I don’t see what’s wrong with trying to do your utmost to avoid a pregnancy but it seems many pro-choicers seem to think that means women should be able to go ahead and take as many risks as they like during their sexual relationships becUse the option of abortion is always there

That is not what I said at all. At all.

But continually harping on at a woman who has got pregnant and had a termination because she “wasn’t careful enough” is not only pretty pointless after the fact, it’s quite nasty.

I thought this was a general discussion ablut abortion, which covers how they get pregnant and also the reasons people decide not to go ahead with a pregnancy?

No, its a thread about one womans experience of her abortions, not fo you to pontificate about which women are allowed to have judgement free abortions and which ones you get to have a go at

You're not pro choice, you are only pro choices you approve of. That's not the same thing.

it seems many pro-choicers seem to think that means women should be able to go ahead and take as many risks as they like during their sexual relationships becUse the option of abortion is always there

They should, of course. I would much rather they didn't, for their own sake, but of course they should be able to do as they choose. Not as you choose.

"many pro-choicers seem to think that means women should be able to go ahead and take as many risks as they like during their sexual relationships becUse the option of abortion is always there"

Can you explain what exactly you think is wrong with that?

Oh FGS, again, I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT THE OP!!!!!!!! Therefore I am not harping on at her, as you put it.

Maybe this wasn’t the place to have this general discussion. It probably should be stressed at the start of these AMA threads that is a Q and A directed specifically towards the OP only, and any general discussion around the topic is NOT ON.

That’s what seems to have happened and so I apologise wholeheartedly to the OP if she thought I was directing anything towards her specifically. My original comment was wondering whether attitude to risk plays a factor. I still think that’s a valid “pondering”. But then someone else mentioned reasons of convenience so things went off on a bit of a tangent.

I am sorry if I upset you, OP. It wasn’t my intention and I wished I’d had joined in the “general discussion on the topic” elsewhere and not on this particular thread.

Oh FGS, again, I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT THE OP!!!!!!!! Therefore I am not harping on at her, as you put it

You’re derailing her thread with your morality debates. So aye, you are.

I think abortion is wrong in most circumstances but that it should be legal to prevent women being harmed in unsafe abortions. I came on the thread to say that it's possible to have that view and not have any judgement or dislike for women who feel differently. I am so sorry for what you've gone through, OP

“Can you explain what exactly you think is wrong with that?”

Well, because abortion can be a medical risk to the woman. It can be mentally harmful to some women (not all, I realise). For most, it’s not a thing they do lightly.

But this isn’t the thread to discuss that, so I won’t post again.

The thread is about the OP. Or it was it until you thought you could have a nice rant about women who deserved to be looked down on because you didn't think their reasons were good enough for abortions.

@alwaystimeforwine Are you serious? Being able to get pregnant easily is stessful? Have you tried getting pregnant for years and injecting yourself for 50 odd days only for it to cost a fortune and not work? Unbelievable.

I just got a big fat negative today from IVF. Have some perspective and if you don't want kids get sterilized or get your partner to.

Timpani

Btw. I am totally pro choice. But just flabbergasted by the comment I talked about above. Stressful my fucking arse.

Sorry for you Timpani but don't take out your troubles on other people. Your difficulties do not lessen the problems of others. It's not a competition.

Yes Curly but that's for each woman to decide if she wants to take that risk, not a moral judgement to be made by others. Of course, any pregnancy and birth can have medical complications too.

I agree Timpani.

Wow @koolaidpickle I am not competing.
I still fail to see how getting pregnant too easily is a problem or stressful. It's a 'problem' that can be easily prevented or sorted out (even if that is by termination after the event).

Thanks for the sympathy @yetalkshitehen and @quango. Tough day.

Op, thank you for starting this thread. I used to work as a social worker and I think too many children are brought into dangerous situations/neglectful situations etc so I would rather see more people making the rational decision to have an abortion. Personally, I know my mental health would not fare well if I got pregnant again so despite being in a happy marriage and financially secure, I would abort if I got pregnant now. I am very pro choice, and I applaud you for being frank on here.

I still fail to see how getting pregnant too easily is a problem or stressful. It's a 'problem' that can be easily prevented or sorted out (even if that is by termination after the event)

You fail to see how getting pregnant when you don't want to be can be stressful? Did you even read the OP? You don't see how a termination is stressful, or any kind of problem?
How incredibly heartless of you.

@koolaidpickle
Thanks. Thanks a lot. You've just made my shit day even shitter with your complete misunderstanding of my comment. My comment was not in reply to the OP; it was in reply to Alwaystimeforwine. I have also said that I am totally pro-choice.

My point is there are many many non-stressful ways of avoiding a pregnancy.
The same cannot be said for those who desperately do want to get pregnant but can't.

I never said that terminating wasn't stressful. I would not know that from experience but, by it's very nature, of course it is, whatever the woman's reasons or decision. And I wholeheartedly support the OP in the decisions that she, and other women in this thread, have made. My original comment wasn't certainly not directed at any of them and was comparative simply of the stress of wanting and trying to get pregnant when you can't vs. Not wanting to when you can. With the latter there are a multitude of options that are free. With the former, there most certainly is not.

Now, if you don't mind, I would appreciate it if you left me alone now. If you knew me at all you would not possibly say that I am a heartless person. Rather, attacking someone while they have had an appalling time, culminating in a failed IVF attempt this very day is by it's very definition, heartless.

KoolAidPickle I’ve agreed with most of what you’ve said on this thread, but I really do think that you’re kicking a woman when she’s down and that’s not on.

i'm sorry you feel that way and I'm sorry you are upset, but what you said was unacceptable and unfair, far more than anything I have said to you.

"I'm sorry ... but?" = you're not. So don't bother.

I still fail to see how what I have said is unacceptable. But I'm bowing out now. I don't need your criticism.

OP, I think you are very brave for starting this thread and I admire your courage in having gone through all that you have

So sorry timp. I dont know what to say. I think leaving this thread is wise, and hope somehow you get support x

Of course getting pregnant very easily is completely different to not being able to get pregnant at all. Both are stressful, in very different ways.

Just popping by to say thank you to every poster who has commented and gave their opinion - I appreciate that 99% of posters have been so supportive, even whilst questioning my choices.

I apologise for not giving thanks to all those who posted in support of my decisions as too many but particularly I'd like to thank yatalkshitehen (love the name btw ha) and Koolaid, your posts have meant a lot.

I'd also like to say to Timpani I'm sorry - this must have been a very difficult thread for your read given the heartache you're going through and I wish you all the luck in the world xx

immortalmarble Thu 02-Aug-18 18:03:20
This is why I dislike the AMA section.

‘I’ve had four terminations. Come and question me as to why and judge me’ the thread title night as well say.

Sorry but I disagree - my reason for starting this thread is abortion is so taboo and stigmatised - I wanted to give my personal account of why I did what I did. IMO abortion shouldn't be hidden away in a corner like something 'dirty' and needs talked about more. Yes, people will judge me - That's fine