Or is this victim blaming?

That's not what you were being asked, if she was assaulted or raped by your own admission, you're also going to have to tell her it was her own fault for taking the risk.

Omg. You are so proud of this for some odd reason, harping on and on.
As I said earlier, I have never had a one stand and never gone to a hotel room. But that doesn't make me better, or even less likely to be raped.

I can't imagine a life where I never go anywhere in the dark or get a taxi alone, or travel alone.

I continue to say that your life is terribly small and depressing.

Only a few would argue that it's totally rational to think acceptbale risk mitigation is to never ever get drunk or ever go anywhere with a man,

...or get very drunk, or be outside in the dark alone. I don’t even get taxis alone.

Yes, that kind of self-imposed curfew is exactly why we have to stop putting any onus on women to carry any responsibility at all, ever, for sexual assault.

So that women can live a proper life too.

I was thinking about this a few days ago. I was going to visit someone who was ill to give some support to. It was late (for me) dark,bit foggy. I got off the bus and took the short cut, a path running between some houses and garages. I actually thought MN would be telling me I was taking a risk but I felt quite comfortable with it. Then I thought would I tell my DD or DGD to go the long way round on a well lit road . It's hard, I don't want to have to change my route because of a small risk but I very much want DD and DGD to be as safe as possible but no way would I blame them if anything happened. Id blame the attacker but more than that id want my loved ones be safe. I also want them to be confident and free to live their lives.

I am confused on this one.

With your husband or friends? Everywhere?

I think you were finding a way to cope with and deal with a trauma that you went through and I think anyone going through something like that gets to deal with it in whatever way works for them.

If I had heard someone tell you that it wouldn't have happened to you if you weren't on the boat, I'd think they were wrong considering how many rapes happen when not on boats. Some women can run away but they freeze, some women can't get away no matter how much they may fight etc.

Fuck me.

Your poor daughter.

I think it depends on when you're trying to advise women on maintaining their safety.
"Well if you hadn't got drunk and gone to a hotel with a stranger you wouldn't have been raped" is definitely victim blaming and very unhelpful. As you pointed out there is no situation in which a woman's decisions make her responsible for a predatory man's behaviour.

General advice on not getting picked up by a man on your first date, having an SOS arrangement with a friend if you need to get out of a bad date, not sharing personal info with strangers, meeting in well lit public places, not leaving your drink unattended etc are not victim blaming, it's tips on things you can do to protect yourself. If you follow all of them or none of them you will still not be to blame for a man assaulting you. It's about reducing opportunity for predators in exactly the same way that locking my door reduces opportunity for thieves.

It seems a bit backwards that we think advising women to take precautions is shaming them and not men. Remember how offended men were about the man vs bear discussion? Why aren't THEY more ashamed that we feel the need to share this kind of advice? They really should be.

Girls can be sexually abused at home by their own family at school by teachers. Nowhere is “safe”
Even a policeman can be a potential predator.

Imagine you were raped, out by yourself in central London and someone said what you said.

I'm so sorry you went through that.

The research shows that when people are put in a situation where their power is taken away, they often try to convince themselves they had more power and control than they did - it makes the situation less scary. Your belief that your actions played some part in what happened makes sense - otherwise you were just a random victim - what's to stop you being a victim again?

The fact is that the chances of the same thing happening again are so incredibly tiny as to be non-existent. You feel by taking certain actions you are protecting yourself, which gives you agency and control in a situation where that was totally taken from you. Your actions are understandable and make total sense within the context.

The answer to your question is, you are not taking responsibility. You can't take responsibility for someone else's actions - logically that makes no sense. The person who assaulted you made a choice - you didn't cause or create that choice, you just existed and that is not a crime and not wrong. You are borderline victim blaming by implying that you made someone else do something you didn't want (again not logical) but, as explained above, within the context it is normal and understandable.

You could not prevent something you couldn't predict and that you didn't do. You do not have that kind of control. Someone else decided to hurt you. They could have prevented it and they didn't. That is not on you, no matter what you wore or where you were.

We are, as they say, agreeing fiercely.

So women should also have a curfew, not be allowed out late at night, is that also inviting rape?

Yes, it's a bit like me crossing the road. I look both ways even if it's a one way street. I know traffic should only come from one direction but years ago my husband stepped out as no traffic approaching except a car was coming from the wrong direction narrowly missing him. So I always check both ways but I do go out and I do cross roads I'm just aware drivers make mistakes.

Yuck. It could happen to you!

When I was 15 an 18 year old boy came over in the evening and asked me to have sex with him. I honestly thought we were just friends and having a friendly meetup. You can't always know someone's intentions.

Some women are young, some are naive, some have lower IQ, some are duped or misled, some may be offered something upon meeting in the hotel i.e. drugs, money, booze. It's not that black and white.

Some women are literally just stupid or gullible; they still shouldn't be fucking raped. Jesus christ OP

This

I'm sick to death of apologists for rapist. Victim blaming is not a good look @Feedingmybaby rapists shouldn't rape - it's really simple

I disagree with you OP but perhaps not wholly.

Allow me to explain.

While I do indeed think that there are certain crimes that we can take steps to protect ourselves-like being mugged for example as this tends to occur in specific circumstances only-
there's not really much a person can do to protect against rape as it happens under such a wide range of circumstances.

(I'm sure I'm not the only person who's been drunk and alone with a man and not been raped. Why? Because they weren't rapists.)

I mean I suppose you'd be right if you took it to extremes like living on a desert island where only other women lived but otherwise, there's not much that can be done.

Perhaps what you mean is that we can avoid being raped by dark alley type stranger rapists who grab us by knife point by never going out alone. I get that but all rapes? No unfortunately not.

That's my point really yes we may be able to avoid one type of rapist by behaving in a certain way but by no means all.

If your daughter was raped while drunk, you'd hope she'd learn from it? What?

You said it better than me. Completely agree.

Yup. Victim blaming whilst trying to be virtuous. Ugh. Pick me pick me.

Of course it's victim blaming. I had a lot of casual sex when I was younger, going back to hotels and mens houses etc. None of that is a crime and as a young single women at the time, I should not have had to make excuses or apologies for this.

What is a crime is rape and sexual assault and that is ENTIRELY at the fault of the perpetrator. No one else.