To think some women automatically see attractive women as a threat to their relationships?

Maybe, and as I said some people will be much more "sensitive" to behaviour being flirtatious. I also think some people are just inherently flirtatious which isn't necessarily anything inhertently bad, but they can't then be surprised that they might be perceived as being so by others. I guess it's similar to how some people are just, naturally, perceived by others as a bit abrasive. They aren't intending to be rude, but equally if they are perceived as such that isn't just everyone else being crazy, but rather to do with the way the conduct themselves.

I think a lot of the responses here are extremely unhelpful and just dig in and question whether the statement is true rather than addressing why this might happen. Why not just respond as if everything being said is true and give advice on how to deal with such a situation? Is that not what is being requested?

Maybe the truth is that a lot of the woman on this thread do treat other women badly for the same reasons. It's sad when we live in a world which devalues us as women yet we make it worse for ourselves by using any opportunity to tear other women down.

Unfortunately we do live in a society puts a lot of value on the way women look and brainwashes us into tying our self-esteem with our physical appearence and trying to look like what our culture tells us is beautiful. Nobody is in fact 'beautiful' according to today's standards because the only way we can get there is by feeding the economic system and buying all the products we are told to buy.

Not all men will be attracted to a women because of her physical appearance and there are individual differences in their perception of what they see as physically attractive. Just like women. My friend might consider a guy to be good looking and I will not.

Regardless of what a women actually looks like, she may feel extremely insecure about her physical appearance especially after having children. Her partner may or may not have a role to play in the way she feels about herself but like all feelings, they stem from our own thoughts which may also be rooted in past or present individual lived experience. It will be different for everyone.

If someone fears their partner will cheat, he has cheated or a woman is triggered because she has been cheated on in the past, this may cause her to feel an uncontrollable sensation of jealousy everytime the man is around any woman she views as attractive.

In her head she could be constsntly living in a state of unhappiness and stress because she not only is dealing with the thought of her parner cheating or prefering other women over her but may also constantly be looking at other women and comparing herself to them physically.

A woman who is happy with herself and secure in her relationship is not going to care even if Angelina Jolie showed up, fell at her husband's feet and begged him to spend the night with her.

She would expect him to do the right thing and tell Angelina not only that he is not interested in her but but also that he loves his wife.

The reality is that most women are not happy or confindent in themselves and many men are very far from decent human beings. We all have to try our best to find our own happiness with the cards that we are dealt and for some women especially where children are involved they may decide that staying in a relationship that is far from ideal and trying to work on it is the best choice currently available to them.

Having genuine empathy and not taking the perceived jealousy personally and understanding that they themselves might have difficulty controlling how they feel, would be the best way forward.

You can't control how another person feels and sometimes they can't control or hide their own jealousy.

The only thing you can do is not to behave in ways that don't make it worse. You don't have to chat and be friendly with the husband/partner. Even though you know there is nothing wrong with what you are doing and that person is behaving irrationally. You can talk to her and show an interest in her and discuss female related topics, talk about your partner if you are not single, share your difficulties or insecurities to take her out of her own head.

Maybe jealousy has made it difficult for you to form genuine female friendships and because women see you as a threat they leave you out, which can be a very lonely place. Maybe you have been harassed or objectified by men but felt you needed to stay with a man because your female friends lacked loyalty towards you, having seen you as competition. Maybe you found friends in your life whose only reason for wanting to be near you was to access the male attention they so desperately craved but never got and then once they got access to the men who you were more able to draw in, they ditched you because they were scared those men would prefer to be around you. Maybe you wanted a man who loved you for the unique human being that exists inside you but ended up attracting shallow, self centred men who didn't treat you as a person but as a shiny object or a trophy they could parade to boost their own ego. Maybe you felt that they really loved you but they didn't actually notice and care about your goals in life, talents or mutual interests because their desire was all about the way you looked. When females rejected you, in your loneliness you searched for male company but then even the really nice guys who you thought were genuinely your friends decided that they also hated you because you just wanted a friendship and they thought their kindness entitled them to more.

If you have experienced any of the above, sharing those genuine difficulties may help to build understanding. We all suffer as woman whether society views us as physically attractive or not and there are issues that arise from both. It's only by breaking down those walls built up by our own egos and concern with ourselves we can step in another person's shoes, help ourselves and help another and genuinely work together in building a better world.

You can't control how another person feels. If you make an effort to be kind and understanding and are met with a cold response you can just keep your distance and stop being so concerned about what may or may not be going on in someone elses head ( we never truly know).

Often when we have an experience and we get it into our heads that this is something that happens to us, we find it will continue to happen. It's our thoughts that shape our actions, words and feelings. In shifting our perception on the scenario and getting out of our feelings we can change the reality and build bridges between ourselves and our fellow human beings instead of walls.

@Cosyblankets Because just because there's an attractive woman in the room it doesn't mean every man wants her and every married woman is threatened by her

Yes but this is Mumsnet. 90% of the posters seem to live in a constant state of paranoid jealousy where if their OH even looks at someone walking past on the street, it is considered betrayal and instant grounds to LTB.

What I'd add to this is that if someone reciprocates your energy, you're more likely to continue that back and forth.

So for some people, it might look like someone only directs that energy towards men, but that is because women don't invite or reciprocate that energy from them. Maybe because they're so busy assessing whether other people are flirting with each other.

I don’t even know if it’s the man finding me attractive. It seems to be my single status that riles them. As if I would be “safer” if I was married.

Oh wow so since your teenage years you’ve been so gorgeous you make other women feel insecure?

But hang on, don’t people find different things attractive?

Tell me OP, do you have a stunning natural beauty that people just can’t help noticing, no matter what? Even when you’re wearing your slobby clothes? Or are you more the type to get your hair and nails done regularly?

And why are the other women you're hanging out with always so much less attractive than you, that your presence causes such consternation?

I will be brave here - I have been the woman you are talking about. I've lost ten stone. Before that, I hated interacting with good looking women with then DP. I constantly compared myself to every woman I met - I would evaluate every female in any space I was in and rate myself next to them. I was always lacking at a size 26 tbh.
Since losing the weight it's much better. I find I am far more confident, and don't particularly care about how attractive the women are we are chatting too.

And at no point, EVER, has my now DH made me think I am not enough. He has always thought I am wonderful and his behaviour hasn't sparked this off. I was cheated on in a former marriage and I suspect that might be why. It is also NOTHING to do with the women apart from the way they look.

Be kind to them - it is awful and exhausting living like that. Constantly comparing yourself to everyone else in a negative manner is pretty horrendous.

And yes, other women are absolutely entitled to behave as they choose, just as I’m entitled to reflect on and discuss social interactions I’ve experienced. Those two things aren’t mutually exclusive.

But you aren't doing that, you are vaguely referring to some dynamics you say you have repeatedly experienced and then extrapolating to say many/some women think what you've decided they think. Can you give us a couple of concrete examples of some actual social interactions you've experienced?

Men can find many things attractive i.e you not being attached to another man. I have attention from men whose wives are much prettier to me. It is my experience that very beautiful women get more attention in general though - I never thought it was controversial 😅

That’s not what she said, and your responses are proving her point.

Op, if you look at my post up thread I commented some women will attack other women due to jealousy , that it’s not about men, and you’ve now got posters proving the point,

the mere fact you recognise you’re attractive, or the thought that you’re attractive has them attacking you.

Come off it OP 🤣

You talked about your "mere presence" and how this has been happening since you were a teenager. The subtext is definitely that you think you're something special.

?? I have not said beautiful women don’t get more attention?

I have just said for me personally I don’t think the reason I have experienced what OP is talking about is my attractiveness because I am not particularly. I think it’s me being single that they seem to see as a threat.

And maybe she is, why attack another woman and try to drag her down for it,

more women should think they are something special. And other women shouldn’t attack them for it,

why is it upsetting you so much you want to attack her?

As my own experience echoes yours I would hope I’ve not said such a thing about you. I was speaking more generally. It does appear to me that the general sentiment on the thread implies otherwise. I’ve found it both confusing and amusing.

Yes, I find this beyond odd. Many beautiful people know they are beautiful. I don’t see why women in particular need to feign ignorance of it,

AIBU to think it’s unfair to treat other women as potential threats simply because you find them attractive?

I know exactly what you mean OP. Although I don’t think it’s necessarily the women themselves that find you attractive, it’s more that they know that their husband/boyfriend/partner will find you attractive.

Unfortunately, you were on to a loser from the moment that you mentioned that you were attractive.

At least you are self aware of your surroundings and the impact that your beauty and aura has on other women.
I am not the ugliest duckling.
I was attractive in my 20’s and 30’s. I knew it. I never thought that any woman was fearful worrying if their man fancied me. I didn’t sense competition or envy.
Some people will like you and others won’t, without knowing your personality. It is not automatically jealousy.

Same.

I think the way some men think that a woman must be flirting with them when they are just being polite with a smile and/or friendly, some women view the same behaviour in the same way if they themselves purposely flirt.

I’ve had a female friend call me a natural flirt but she was someone who always flirted with men and I would just smile, engage in a conversation, be present and that was it, what I considered simple politeness. Never touched them (don’t touch strangers or even friends unless they initiate first like a hug or an emergency), wasn’t moving closer to them usually leaning my ear towards them, and if I did move my body, it was either because I noticed I may be blocking or still trying to hear them better and even then I leave space.

A female manager who obviously didn’t like me constantly accused me of flirting with male coworkers while she had a live-in bf and known by staff to touch and flirt with male kitchen staff, stroking their arms and leaning into them. I was engaged, last day of work put in (was moving after the wedding) and the “flirting” she accused me of was me helping a male coworker by giving him advice on financial aid for uni and greeting coworkers with a simple good morning before my shift started. I was raised to acknowledge people. Pretty sure, if I just walked in and said nothing to nobody, I would be considered a b-h or a poor coworker.

Have you ever asked any of these women why their behaviour has changed around their partner?

Your questioning is purely rhetorical though. You are already convinced that women show a pattern of behaviour towards you because you are attractive and they are jealous. You are highly resistant to any suggestion of other factors that may be at play, and opposed to doing anything that might reduce the impact.
Being an attractive women is not a unique or even particular unusual experience, yet most women manage to survive it without concluding that other men's wives have it in for them.
The more helpful question is why this is a problem particularly for you.

Some husbands will fancy some of your friends. Some of your friends will fancy your husband. We all know this. More attractive people get fancied more often. We all know this. Some people are more possessive than others.

I'm trying to figure out what we’re actually discussing. I have read the thread!