Page 2 | To think some women automatically see attractive women as a threat to their relationships?

MyOpalTurtle · 2026-11-10T07:09:19+00:00

I’ve noticed that when you’re considered an attractive woman, simply being around certain couples can create unnecessary tension. It’s almost as though some women assume you must be interested in their partner or that their partner must be interested in you, purely because of how you look. I’ve experienced this sort of thing since I was a teenager and I find it incredibly irritating. I’ve never pursued another woman’s partner, never had an affair with someone else’s partner and never behaved in a way that would suggest I was interested. Yet sometimes it feels as though your mere presence is enough for people to make assumptions about your intentions. AIBU to think it’s unfair to treat other women as potential threats simply because you find them attractive?

Original poster

MyOpalTurtle · Today 07:49

Sartre · Today 07:43

It comes from a place of insecurity. In ways it’s quite primal - you’re better than me therefore might steal MY man. I’ve found married men can act this way too, it’s quite weird. Some of my colleagues act strangely around me and avoid spending time alone with me. It kind of creeps me out because it suggests if we were ever alone, they’d find it difficult to control themselves or something? I don’t know. It is a problem though, yes and you’re not imagining it.

Yes, exactly. I think insecurity can play a significant role and what I find particularly frustrating is how that insecurity can be projected onto someone who hasn’t actually done anything to warrant suspicion. It’s interesting that you’ve experienced a similar dynamic with married men, although I suppose their reasons for avoiding one on one interactions could vary.

What I also find interesting is how difficult some people seem to find it to accept that a woman can simply exist in the presence of someone else’s partner without having any romantic or sexual interest in them whatsoever.

That’s really the point of my thread. Being perceived as a threat to someone’s relationship doesn’t mean you actually pose one and it’s unfair when people treat you as though you do.

OP posts:

potatoplum · Today 07:49

Once DH and I ran into DH’s very attractive ex and I left them to catchup after an introduction. Not my concern if they wanted to chat. Within a short time DH had found me browsing in a shop and clearly wasn’t interested in revisiting history for long. I didn’t care one way or another lol.

EmeraldShamrock000 · Today 07:49

Dweetfidilove · Today 07:25

Oh dear- she's miscalculated that! What about her scares him?

Show quote history

This friend is often single as she has an inflated ego and not a lot of social awareness. She makes men nervous for another reason. The closest person I can describe her as is “Janice from the comedy show friends. Tight clothes, huge long drawn out laugh, will sit on your lip and a little overbearing.
She is lovely when there is no men around. No bum squeezing and lip pouts.

Scottishskifun · Today 07:52

I get what your trying to say OP I used to be accused of the similar when younger not due to attractiveness but I had a lot of male friends, did outdoor sports and would just have normal conversations.

Because I wasn't a girly girl and generally got on better with guys I would get accused of all sorts - flirting, wanting in their bed, tryijg to break them up etc etc when in reality I was simply having a conversation with my friends and doing the sports I loved.

I used to tie myself up in knots trying to make sure I wasn't stepping on toes and then my friends would ask why I was being strange all of a sudden.

In the end I stopped worrying about what a small number of other women thought about me and just had my friends and continued with the sports I loved. I chalked it up to their own insecurities.

PollyBell · Today 07:52

On here all women are competition it seems, man walks past someone on the street hia partner needs to watch out as they're shagging.

Men are the enemy, except when a woman is around

tripleginandtonic · Today 07:52

AhBiscuits · Today 07:21

So you're just assuming the change in vibe is because you are super hot?

This.

ConfusedSoShutUp · Today 07:54

theresnolimits · Today 07:32

I find this laughable. I wonder if the way OP behaves around men is what is raising hackles?

This.

We all find different people attractive.

Surely how you behave is probably the common factor...

EmeraldShamrock000 · Today 07:58

Yeah. I am not buying that.
I know many beautiful women who are very attractive, kind, friendly and warm, women and men find them attractive. I have never felt insecure about being around them.
As said above, I also have a single friend who thinks everyone think she is attractive, she changes when men walk into the room, her intentions for attention are clear. She thinks the change in atmosphere is due to her attractiveness.

graygoose · Today 08:01

Not really? If there is an issue it’s either the specific insecurity of that woman or the knowledge that her partner is a cheating shit and she has to keep an eye on him.

I’ve sometimes found as a single mum some other mums aren’t super keen on talking to me. I think they must think it’s contagious (lol) but I don’t think they assume I’m going to steal their man. I’ve only just got rid of my own shitty husband, I don’t need someone else’s!

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · Today 08:05

The thing is OP, you're observing a pattern of behaviour over the years, but all of us recognise patterns and types. That includes types such as, "Stephanie, who thinks she's so fucking hot that women don't trust their men around her".

I have a friend who is the subject of multiple male crushes, and no, I don't think of her that way - she's just pretty, nice figure, vivacious and engaged. But I have also met "Stephanie" types, who flirt their way into a room and declare that every man is in love with her and every woman is seething with jealousy.

If I encounter a Stephanie, my feelings are predominantly annoyance that she thinks that everyone is orbiting her, hopelessly swept into her gravitational pull.

Not to mention the fact that there will be dozens of different backgrounds to the women you've encountered. Some of them might not like you for other reasons, some might be cheesed off with their partners for other reasons, some might just be cheesed off in general.

None of us are going to be able to confirm or deny it for you.

Original poster

MyOpalTurtle · Today 08:06

graygoose · Today 08:01

Not really? If there is an issue it’s either the specific insecurity of that woman or the knowledge that her partner is a cheating shit and she has to keep an eye on him.

I’ve sometimes found as a single mum some other mums aren’t super keen on talking to me. I think they must think it’s contagious (lol) but I don’t think they assume I’m going to steal their man. I’ve only just got rid of my own shitty husband, I don’t need someone else’s!

But that’s partly my point. Whether the insecurity stems from a woman’s own feelings or from her partner having a history of infidelity, it doesn’t necessarily justify directing suspicion or hostility towards another woman who hasn’t done anything wrong.

I also think there’s a difference between knowing your partner is untrustworthy and assuming that another woman must be interested in him simply because she’s attractive.

Your experience as a single mother is interesting too because it shows how women can sometimes make assumptions about one another based on circumstances rather than actual behaviour.

Ultimately, if someone has concerns about their partner’s fidelity, surely the responsibility lies with the partner rather than with other women who happen to be around him?

OP posts:

BuddhaAtSea · Today 08:08

I divorced when I turned 40. And I did have that feeling that some women guard their partners a bit more (when I got a partner, they were ok again and the invites started coming again). They were right, because some of their husbands did try it on. It had nothing to do with me or my behaviour, nothing to do with the women being insecure or jealous, it was because they married pigs and they knew it deep down.
I thankfully navigated that period and still have my friends, I now see them on their own, half of them divorced anyway.

Minasama · Today 08:10

You raise an interesting point. You’re right, but there’s also a scale.

Some women consider any other woman a threat to their relationship.

I don’t.

I think it also depends on the depth and quality of relationship and the type of man. Some men are more loyal than others.

5128gap · Today 08:12

Its because some women think that their partners may cheat on them if they get the opportunity with a fairly attractive woman. Often this is because their partner had form for paying other women inappropriate attention, is ego driven, or a bit of a creep. They try to manage the situation by avoiding him having the opportunity.
If she is savvy the 'other woman' sees this dynamic a mile off, recognises the creep and gives him the cold shoulder.
Sometimes however the OW thinks the situation is about her personally rather than the marriage dynamic and reads the man's attention as a positive indicator of how attractive she is, and the woman's caution as an indicator that women are jealous of her attractiveness.
This can lead to a self fulfilling prophecy where she becomes cautious around women herself and comfortable around men, which exacerbates the suspicion.
The best way to break it when you're with couples is to focus more on women than men.

ThePeppyOpalScroller · Today 08:13

It's because we don't trust other women. And we definitely don't trust attractive other women. But obviously if a man cheats it's entirely his fault, and no women are to blame. 😐

MarcellaGrace · Today 08:14

Honestly, if I meet a woman along with DH, my only inner question is the same as with any man or woman I meet in any context. ‘Are you interesting?’

Original poster

MyOpalTurtle · Today 08:18

5128gap · Today 08:12

Its because some women think that their partners may cheat on them if they get the opportunity with a fairly attractive woman. Often this is because their partner had form for paying other women inappropriate attention, is ego driven, or a bit of a creep. They try to manage the situation by avoiding him having the opportunity.
If she is savvy the 'other woman' sees this dynamic a mile off, recognises the creep and gives him the cold shoulder.
Sometimes however the OW thinks the situation is about her personally rather than the marriage dynamic and reads the man's attention as a positive indicator of how attractive she is, and the woman's caution as an indicator that women are jealous of her attractiveness.
This can lead to a self fulfilling prophecy where she becomes cautious around women herself and comfortable around men, which exacerbates the suspicion.
The best way to break it when you're with couples is to focus more on women than men.

I think there’s some truth in what you’re saying about relationship dynamics, particularly where a man has a history of behaving inappropriately towards other women. In those circumstances, I can understand why his partner might feel insecure or uncomfortable.

However, I think there’s an important difference between recognising that someone’s partner may be untrustworthy and assuming that another woman is somehow complicit in that dynamic simply because she’s attractive.

I also wouldn’t necessarily agree that an attractive woman interpreting another woman’s behaviour as jealousy means she’s seeking male validation or misreading the situation to flatter herself. That may happen in some cases but it isn’t the only possible explanation.

As for your suggestion about focusing more on women than men when socialising with couples, I understand the reasoning but I do question why women should have to consciously modify otherwise perfectly innocent interactions to accommodate someone else’s relationship insecurities.

Surely the healthier approach is for people to establish trust and boundaries within their own relationships rather than expecting third parties to manage those dynamics for them?

OP posts:

DontyMon · Today 08:18

Why do you think it happens because you're attractive though? You have no experience other than your own, but you're making a judgment that this doesn't happen to women you don't consider attractive?

Oliveoy · Today 08:21

"When you're considered an attractive woman"

This sentence is quite telling

SpainToday · Today 08:26

anotherdayanotherissue · Today 07:29

I would say its insecurity. From my experience, given half the chance most men would go there if they could/wouldnt get caught….most women know this deep down, so keep other women who are deemed a threat as far away as poss.

Sadly there's some truth to this

MrsShawnHatosy · Today 08:27

Oliveoy · Today 08:21

"When you're considered an attractive woman"

This sentence is quite telling

It is isn’t it. The whole OP is a stealth boast and humblebrag rolled into one. “It’s such a burden being attractive”.

Original poster

MyOpalTurtle · Today 08:27

Oliveoy · Today 08:21

"When you're considered an attractive woman"

This sentence is quite telling

Telling in what sense exactly?

I find it interesting that simply acknowledging that one is considered attractive seems to provoke such a reaction. There’s a difference between recognising your own attractiveness and believing you’re superior to other women, and I haven’t suggested the latter.

I’m talking about a particular social dynamic I’ve experienced, not asking anyone to validate my appearance. I’m not sure why the two are being conflated.

OP posts:

Oliveoy · Today 08:33

MyOpalTurtle · Today 08:27

Telling in what sense exactly?

I find it interesting that simply acknowledging that one is considered attractive seems to provoke such a reaction. There’s a difference between recognising your own attractiveness and believing you’re superior to other women, and I haven’t suggested the latter.

I’m talking about a particular social dynamic I’ve experienced, not asking anyone to validate my appearance. I’m not sure why the two are being conflated.

Show quote history

Because considered attractive by whom?

It's a given that men you've been in relationships with will have found you attractive. Your mum and friends have probably paid you compliments. That's the same for everybody.

But how does one decide that they are attractive in a wider sense, to more people? That speaks to a certain level of self assurance which perhaps makes people wary in general.

CurlewKate · Today 08:33

It’s certainly an accusation some women make. Because internalized patriarchy. Some women are programmed to distrust other women- men are very threatened by the idea of women trusting g each other.

ItsAQuandryAlright · Today 08:34

If you asked the women from WAYS (Widowed and Young) I think most of them would agree with you OP. I have 2 friends who were widowed young, and both have described how the 'couple' ranks close and the invitations dry up. Same happened to my own mother - an attractive woman widowed at 36. She was seen as a threat by various women in our community and some of the rumours they spread about her were awful. I was very young, but even I could see what was happening.