Page 7 | To want DH off the bed when there are no sheets on it

ChocolateCinderToffee · 07/11/2026 20:49

Sidebeforeself · 07/11/2026 14:37

Why cant people do housework at different times? Sharing the load doesnt mean you have to do it together.

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They can, but he's lying around getting in the way? Fuck that shit.

Endorewitch · 07/11/2026 21:04

goldielockss · 07/11/2026 14:14

I get it, OP. Our house is actually very much far from pristine but if I really don’t like the idea of outside clothes being on (but especially in) the bed. And if it’s straight on the mattress then you can’t even wash it.

Its a bit weird in my case as many mumsnetters would think our level of cleanliness (in changing sheets and washing towels) is gross but I still would ask my DH to get off (and help me actually make the bed!)

Controlling or what!!!!It is his home too and if he thinks it is ok then it is.

Edenmum2 · 07/11/2026 21:22

I am in my forties and I’m floored that people have indoor and outdoor clothes

Original poster

Chocolattecoffeecuppaa · 08/11/2026 08:35

I need a second set of sheets clearly. I actually think we do have a second sheet somewhere but I do usually try to air the bed and he wouldn't think to put it on so it's not the problem solved some of you would have me think it is.

OP posts:

LittleBearPad · 08/11/2026 08:41

Chocolattecoffeecuppaa · 08/11/2026 08:35

I need a second set of sheets clearly. I actually think we do have a second sheet somewhere but I do usually try to air the bed and he wouldn't think to put it on so it's not the problem solved some of you would have me think it is.

How on earth do you have only one set of bedding, given you say money isn’t an issue?

Original poster

Chocolattecoffeecuppaa · 08/11/2026 08:51

LittleBearPad · 08/11/2026 08:41

How on earth do you have only one set of bedding, given you say money isn’t an issue?

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I've explained this above. We both have money but DH refuses to pay for things he doesn't see as essential so it just means I'm paying for everything and it all adds up.

OP posts:

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 08/11/2026 09:24

I’d be more annoyed that he’s a complete lazy arse for not making the bed! Why is he lying around playing games on his phone while you’re washing and changing the bed?

LittleBearPad · 08/11/2026 09:35

Chocolattecoffeecuppaa · 08/11/2026 08:51

I've explained this above. We both have money but DH refuses to pay for things he doesn't see as essential so it just means I'm paying for everything and it all adds up.

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A spare set of bedding is essential. You can’t assume there will always be time to wash it (illness). Lying on an unmade bed is nothing compared to your husband’s financial meanness.

BMW6 · 08/11/2026 09:48

Odd that you're OCD about the sheet/clothes situation yet letting him get away with being a lazy selfish miser 100% of the time!!

Cosyblankets · 08/11/2026 12:26

Chocolattecoffeecuppaa · 08/11/2026 08:51

I've explained this above. We both have money but DH refuses to pay for things he doesn't see as essential so it just means I'm paying for everything and it all adds up.

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What happens if you spill something or you're sick or something

Endorewitch · 08/11/2026 12:26

Chocolattecoffeecuppaa · 08/11/2026 08:35

I need a second set of sheets clearly. I actually think we do have a second sheet somewhere but I do usually try to air the bed and he wouldn't think to put it on so it's not the problem solved some of you would have me think it is.

What problem?You don't have a problem. You are making a mountain out of a molehill!Chill out. Concentrate on positive stuff. This so called problem is so irrelevant,that I wonder if you are making it up Just to get everyone going !

Iloveeverycat · 08/11/2026 12:35

Why is he on the bed and not downstairs that's the odd thing.

GillyGillyOssenfeffa · 08/11/2026 12:42

blondeseaside · 07/11/2026 15:48

You'd love my DH, Op. We did a long haul trip. DH had a rucksack that had been on the floor of the car, bus, airport, plane, taxi, pavement etc. Checked into our lovely hotel and of course there was a lovely bed with crisp fresh sheets...where does he plonk his dirty bag? On my pillow. I was enraged. He didn't see the problem.

OMG, on YOUR pillow..... the manky git!

I thought I had problems because DH puts the basket which has been outside into the garden, possibly on the grass or the ground, (and then on to the floor of the laundry room) onto the bedcover (bedroom too small for a chair or other place off the floor) when he's putting away his clothes.
I'm the one that has to wash the bedcover if it gets filthy.

OneHazelBird · 08/11/2026 13:09

Iloveeverycat · 08/11/2026 12:35

Why is he on the bed and not downstairs that's the odd thing.

Because that would mean parenting his kids which he refuses to do.

Bwitched1 · 08/11/2026 17:49

Chocolattecoffeecuppaa · 07/11/2026 14:05

I've taken the sheets off the bed and just the mattress and pillow protectors are on there now, which I'm not washing as I washed them last weekend, and I don't want the protectors every week, but wash sheets once a week.

As soon as I've taken off the sheets, DH lays down on the bed to play games on his phone on the protector that I wasn't planning to wash and in his day clothes. Then later gets up and lies back down without even a top on before he's about to get in the shower.

AIBU is controlling to ask him not to do this? He's refused to get up saying I should just leave him alone but I'm the one who washes the sheets and he was on my pillow!

Im absolutely anal about my bed. I turn the sheet over for 2nd night then turn it so the top is at the bottom for 3rd night and 4th I turn it back over 5th night clean sheet. Repeat and change whole bed including mattress protector which goes over mattress topper. I only have idiot sassy cats to argue with 😃

DiabeticChocolateHoney · 08/11/2026 18:03

I seem to be in the minority but I totally agree with you.

Purbeckdeb · 08/11/2026 18:18

I too completely agree with you. I would not accept this. It’s unclean and disrespects something that’s important to you.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 08/11/2026 18:20

Sparrowsandbudgies · 07/11/2026 14:26

True. Someone, anyone, needs to put the fresh sheets etc straight on. I never do half a job and leave stuff for later.

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It's not half a job, you're supposed to let it air after stripping it.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 08/11/2026 18:24

Chocolattecoffeecuppaa · 07/11/2026 16:29

My DH puts his work bag, that's also been on floors etc, on the worktop in the kitchen sometimes...

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Between doing this and the bed thing - I would simply murder him. YANBU.

StillTheChickenRun · 08/11/2026 18:25

Chocolattecoffeecuppaa · 07/11/2026 14:05

I've taken the sheets off the bed and just the mattress and pillow protectors are on there now, which I'm not washing as I washed them last weekend, and I don't want the protectors every week, but wash sheets once a week.

As soon as I've taken off the sheets, DH lays down on the bed to play games on his phone on the protector that I wasn't planning to wash and in his day clothes. Then later gets up and lies back down without even a top on before he's about to get in the shower.

AIBU is controlling to ask him not to do this? He's refused to get up saying I should just leave him alone but I'm the one who washes the sheets and he was on my pillow!

I’d want to know why he doesn’t ever wash the bedding

Lots of people seem to ignore the work resulting from their behaviour if they don’t do said work.

Is there a reason he can’t make the bed before lying down to game? Is there anywhere else he can do that?

StillTheChickenRun · 08/11/2026 18:32

Chocolattecoffeecuppaa · 07/11/2026 14:42

We have one set of sheets so I have to dry these before I put them on. I'm sure that's my fault but I bought the sheets, the bed, the mattress, as DH often claims to have "no money" which he's clearly investing for himself. He doesn't wash the sheets either. Maybe I am being unreasonable but it feels unfair.

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It sounds like the disparate views on sheet cleanliness are symptomatic of wider problems between you.

if he can’t afford his own sheets and refuses to contribute to the partnership by washing and changing sheets, he isn’t in a relationship, he’s using you as a substitute doormat mother.

It sounds like you don’t get enough out of this situation.

Davros · 08/11/2026 18:34

DiabeticChocolateHoney · 08/11/2026 18:03

I seem to be in the minority but I totally agree with you.

Do you also own only one set of bedding?

StillTheChickenRun · 08/11/2026 18:35

Chocolattecoffeecuppaa · 07/11/2026 14:43

This is the thing he never changed sheets or does any laundry so if the protector smells of sweat then I'll have to wash and dry it again, when he can be arsed to get up. I'm also cleaning and entertaining our 7 yo and 5 yo while he's playing games on his phone lying on the bed. I'm clearly in a bad mood.

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Is this your “bad mood” or realisation that you’ve had children with a man who hasn’t stepped up to being a husband and father?

ShyCapybara · 08/11/2026 18:45

So I do think YABU about the sheets. It wouldn't bother me at all, but I understand that it important to you.
I think the bigger issue here is that you don't appear to have a husband you appear to have a third child. I cannot understand him having is own money and not spending it on the household.
Hubby and I pay everything we earn into a joint account. We keep £50 each per month to save, spend as we please (mostly used to buy gifts for each other at xmas, birthday etc). If we need new sheets for the house its a joint purchase.
I don't feel the need to ask before I buy anything and I wouldnt expect hubby to ask me. For context I earn about twice as much as my husband and our combined income is less than £50,000 so we're not rolling in it, just responsible adults who live together and work as a team to bring up our family.
We also share all the chores, childcare, cooking etc. Some are more one-sided, so I tend to do cooking, but then hubby does the washing up. I cannot even begin to imagine living with someone who would sit on the bed playing on their phone whilst I cleaned the house and looked after the kids unless he was unwell.

MagpiesAndJays · 08/11/2026 18:46

ReadingSoManyThreads · 08/11/2026 18:20

It's not half a job, you're supposed to let it air after stripping it.

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Says who?