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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH off the bed when there are no sheets on it

223 replies

Chocolattecoffeecuppaa · 07/11/2026 14:05

I've taken the sheets off the bed and just the mattress and pillow protectors are on there now, which I'm not washing as I washed them last weekend, and I don't want the protectors every week, but wash sheets once a week.

As soon as I've taken off the sheets, DH lays down on the bed to play games on his phone on the protector that I wasn't planning to wash and in his day clothes. Then later gets up and lies back down without even a top on before he's about to get in the shower.

AIBU is controlling to ask him not to do this? He's refused to get up saying I should just leave him alone but I'm the one who washes the sheets and he was on my pillow!

OP posts:
strugglingwithlife · 07/11/2026 16:16

I know how you feel, I also have a lazy slobbish partner who lies around on his phone all day while I do everything. It's infuriating

tomorrowfollowstoday · 07/11/2026 16:18

Chocolattecoffeecuppaa · 07/11/2026 14:42

We have one set of sheets so I have to dry these before I put them on. I'm sure that's my fault but I bought the sheets, the bed, the mattress, as DH often claims to have "no money" which he's clearly investing for himself. He doesn't wash the sheets either. Maybe I am being unreasonable but it feels unfair.

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You have far bigger issues than someone sitting on an unmade bed.

This money situation is a massive dripfeed!

CheeseWisely · 07/11/2026 16:18

Another to add to the long list of ‘things that would never in a million years have occurred to me to be bothered about’.

OP may I enquire how often you’re watching your sofa covers, if ‘day clothes’ are so grotesque? Or is it a strip off at the door and put a paper boiler suit on kind of situation usually?

MSDOUBTFIRE · 07/11/2026 16:23

This is hilarious, what do you think is actually going to happen !!!!

AmnesiacDream · 07/11/2026 16:24

Peppererr · 07/11/2026 15:28

They’re all over the London Underground

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Have you been watching too much TikTok?

Independent investigations have failed to find any infestations, nor has TFL’s own pest control, and most etymologists agree that tube seats would not be a natural home for bed bugs or a likely vector for spread.

OneHazelBird · 07/11/2026 16:24

TheIntricaciesOfHarpUpkeepAndMaintenance · 07/11/2026 16:14

Why are you tolerating all the other (far more serious, non sheet related) stuff?

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Exactly this!!!

You have way worse things going on in your relationship but this is what you choose to start a thread on??

The only one thing that are YABU about and so posters are going to have a certain view of this.

The sheets are completely irrelevant. He’s not parenting his kids.

TheFriendlyPotato · 07/11/2026 16:25

Day or outdoor clothes? Is this a thing?
Am I the only one who will walk in after work, drop my stuff at the door, and jump into bed fully clothed for a sleep in the afternoon/evening? I dont think twice about whats on my clothes and the bedsheets!

Maybe I am just gross. I dont think anyone I know has indoor and outdoor clothes! In fact Ive been out all day, and I am laying in bed fully clothed as I write this!

I may be missing something. I do shower. Do people really believe that so much muck and germs cling to one's clothes? As long as someonr isnt crapping in my gob or smearing it all over the furniture I really dont pay all that much attention if I am honest!

OneHazelBird · 07/11/2026 16:25

strugglingwithlife · 07/11/2026 16:16

I know how you feel, I also have a lazy slobbish partner who lies around on his phone all day while I do everything. It's infuriating

Leave then?

I genuinely don’t understand why people stay with lazy slobs.

Nosdacariad · 07/11/2026 16:26

Chocolattecoffeecuppaa · 07/11/2026 14:05

I've taken the sheets off the bed and just the mattress and pillow protectors are on there now, which I'm not washing as I washed them last weekend, and I don't want the protectors every week, but wash sheets once a week.

As soon as I've taken off the sheets, DH lays down on the bed to play games on his phone on the protector that I wasn't planning to wash and in his day clothes. Then later gets up and lies back down without even a top on before he's about to get in the shower.

AIBU is controlling to ask him not to do this? He's refused to get up saying I should just leave him alone but I'm the one who washes the sheets and he was on my pillow!

This would annoy me. Why can't he lie somewhere else and if he has to lie on the bed why can't he put the sheets on first?

Delphiniumandlupins · 07/11/2026 16:27

If you want to air the mattress before you make the bed up again why not stand the mattress up against the side or end of the bed? I bet he's too lazy to lay it back on the bed frame/base. I can understand wanting to get the bedding into the washing machine before you remake the bed, even if you have a spare set.

Abustedflush · 07/11/2026 16:27

The lying on the bed in ‘day clothes’ is a non issue BUT, the being a fucking lazy bastard who doesn’t do his fair share of domestic essentials, pay his fair share for household essentials like a spare set of bed linen, and doesn’t look after his children either would give me the rage and the ick in equal measure.
Lazy lummock!

Nosdacariad · 07/11/2026 16:27

strugglingwithlife · 07/11/2026 16:16

I know how you feel, I also have a lazy slobbish partner who lies around on his phone all day while I do everything. It's infuriating

I had one of those, I binned him.

Original poster
Chocolattecoffeecuppaa · 07/11/2026 16:29

blondeseaside · 07/11/2026 15:48

You'd love my DH, Op. We did a long haul trip. DH had a rucksack that had been on the floor of the car, bus, airport, plane, taxi, pavement etc. Checked into our lovely hotel and of course there was a lovely bed with crisp fresh sheets...where does he plonk his dirty bag? On my pillow. I was enraged. He didn't see the problem.

My DH puts his work bag, that's also been on floors etc, on the worktop in the kitchen sometimes...

OP posts:
Waitingfordoggo · 07/11/2026 16:30

TheFriendlyPotato · 07/11/2026 16:25

Day or outdoor clothes? Is this a thing?
Am I the only one who will walk in after work, drop my stuff at the door, and jump into bed fully clothed for a sleep in the afternoon/evening? I dont think twice about whats on my clothes and the bedsheets!

Maybe I am just gross. I dont think anyone I know has indoor and outdoor clothes! In fact Ive been out all day, and I am laying in bed fully clothed as I write this!

I may be missing something. I do shower. Do people really believe that so much muck and germs cling to one's clothes? As long as someonr isnt crapping in my gob or smearing it all over the furniture I really dont pay all that much attention if I am honest!

I don’t think you’re ‘gross’. It’s your bed, you can do what you like! I only get in my bed in my PJs though. I would lie on the bed with normal clothes on but it’s just not something I really do. If I want a rest when I get in, I sit or lie on the sofa.

Original poster
Chocolattecoffeecuppaa · 07/11/2026 16:30

Delphiniumandlupins · 07/11/2026 16:27

If you want to air the mattress before you make the bed up again why not stand the mattress up against the side or end of the bed? I bet he's too lazy to lay it back on the bed frame/base. I can understand wanting to get the bedding into the washing machine before you remake the bed, even if you have a spare set.

I can't lift the mattress on my own

OP posts:
strugglingwithlife · 07/11/2026 16:35

Foundress · 07/11/2026 15:41

Another useless lazy man child. Playing games on a phone instead of caring for his own children and addressing the housework that needs doing. To answer your question @Chocolattecoffeecuppaa in my view a helpful, caring husband lying on a mattress protector = no problem. A lazy, uncaring man lying on a mattress protector = a problem.

This is what mine does as well

Notafanofheat · 07/11/2026 16:35

I couldn’t care less about outdoor clothes on the bed…but it doesn’t matter - it clearly bothers you, you’re doing all the work, it is not controlling to want some respect for all the effort you’re putting in and to be annoyed that he disregards it in every possible way (seemingly in every part of your life). With your updates it feels like you both need to have a serious conversation about what being a family actually means and get on the same page with your priorities (you’re not necessarily right that new furniture tramples saving unless you actually need new furniture- and as you’re married there’s no such thing as his investments, but he shouldn’t get to just opt out of the entire family life).

TreesinthePark · 07/11/2026 16:37

Chocolattecoffeecuppaa · 07/11/2026 14:05

I've taken the sheets off the bed and just the mattress and pillow protectors are on there now, which I'm not washing as I washed them last weekend, and I don't want the protectors every week, but wash sheets once a week.

As soon as I've taken off the sheets, DH lays down on the bed to play games on his phone on the protector that I wasn't planning to wash and in his day clothes. Then later gets up and lies back down without even a top on before he's about to get in the shower.

AIBU is controlling to ask him not to do this? He's refused to get up saying I should just leave him alone but I'm the one who washes the sheets and he was on my pillow!

It would annoy me too but I wouldn't say anything. It's one of those things where I'm very particular but understand its unfair to expect others to behave the same way.

strugglingwithlife · 07/11/2026 16:37

blondeseaside · 07/11/2026 15:48

You'd love my DH, Op. We did a long haul trip. DH had a rucksack that had been on the floor of the car, bus, airport, plane, taxi, pavement etc. Checked into our lovely hotel and of course there was a lovely bed with crisp fresh sheets...where does he plonk his dirty bag? On my pillow. I was enraged. He didn't see the problem.

Mine is like this as well, and he puts it on the kitchen worktops, I constantly have to disinfectant them, I've told him countless times not to do it!

strugglingwithlife · 07/11/2026 16:38

katzrooldogzdrool · 07/11/2026 15:52

If you pay for everything and do all the work, then yes it is unfair. Is he one of those men who would happily live in filth if he lived on his own?

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Yeah, mine would!!

Original poster
Chocolattecoffeecuppaa · 07/11/2026 16:38

Notafanofheat · 07/11/2026 16:35

I couldn’t care less about outdoor clothes on the bed…but it doesn’t matter - it clearly bothers you, you’re doing all the work, it is not controlling to want some respect for all the effort you’re putting in and to be annoyed that he disregards it in every possible way (seemingly in every part of your life). With your updates it feels like you both need to have a serious conversation about what being a family actually means and get on the same page with your priorities (you’re not necessarily right that new furniture tramples saving unless you actually need new furniture- and as you’re married there’s no such thing as his investments, but he shouldn’t get to just opt out of the entire family life).

I think this is it. I'm doing everything and he's just playing games so can you just not do this thing that bothers me doesn't feel too much to ask BUT I do also see how it could be seen as controlling and I take on board all the comments.

OP posts:
GillyGillyOssenfeffa · 07/11/2026 16:41

Sparrowsandbudgies · 07/11/2026 14:14

Just put the fresh sheets etc straight back on the bed rather than leaving it unmade, job done.

I have made a point of doing this since I discovered DH doing what the OP described.

strugglingwithlife · 07/11/2026 16:41

OneHazelBird · 07/11/2026 16:25

Leave then?

I genuinely don’t understand why people stay with lazy slobs.

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Because I can't!

FieryA · 07/11/2026 16:42

Apart from the fact that your husband is clearly lazy, why do you only have one set of bedsheets and pillow covers? Ask him to change the sheets, while the other is in the wash.

Erin1975 · 07/11/2026 16:45

Chocolattecoffeecuppaa · 07/11/2026 14:40

Yes I'm glad you understand. Day clothes that we've been out in, walked the dog in, sat on the bed in, shouldn't be in the bed, but I don't like anything on the mattress that I can't wash and not really on the protectors that are clean...

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How did humans ever survive before the invention of washing machines?

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