AIBU for giving my step-niece less than my nieces for 17th birthday?

Your brother has a cheek.

Cheeky sod. £50 plus gifts is a very generous present, he should be grateful.

It was very generous of you OP to pay for your nieces driving lessons. This does not mean you are obliged to pay for your DB's step children's driving lessons as well. Very CF behaviour for him to expect that.

Erm, but surely the step daughters have a father and his family too? Do they give your nieces money and generous gifts to make it even as well?

8 years is a considerably long time, and considering it sounds like she lives with him the majority of the time then this does sound like she is being seen as not part of the family.

What do you normally do with gifts for the girls or the family in general?

If giving others £1000 and then one £50 this does seem quite contrasting..

So it’s HIS and his family’s place to pay for driving lessons and to provide the larger gifts - unless he is also required to spend the same money on his children’s step siblings? It doesn’t go all one way.

You’ve done nothing wrong and don’t own your step nieces any more than the generosity and kindness you have already shown them.

She joined the family when she was 9. Maybe it would be different if she had joined as a baby/toddler.

Plus, OP’s nieces turned 17 years ago, so things can change, financial circumstances can change. That era of £1000 gifts may have passed how.

It was DB that made a commitment to his step-dd, not OP.

That’s really tricky. Do you see them a lot?

What do your parents think about it?

SD has a whole other family to give her presents. Are they all giving the three children exactly the same?

Driving lessons are much more expensive now. It’s not your responsibility to fund that for your brothers wife’s child. How bizarre of them to assume such a thing.

If he raises it just say the financials on such a gift has changed and it wasn’t feasible.

Omg!!! For a 17th birthday from an Aunt?! No wonder your brother is upset you have £50 to your step niece! 😱

No, it was £50 and other gifts for STEP nieces. Totally acceptable.

I would be interested to know that the step nieces’ dad bought for the OP’s nieces? Do you think he is spoiling his ex-wife’s step children to any degree at all?

Or they have shit life, seeing their parents split up, have to live between homes, live with an adult they have no choice over and that adult’s family treat them like second class citizens

Does the step niece have biological aunts/uncles? Biological father?

Your brother is acting like a baby not speaking to you to your face about it. Running off to mum and dad to complain.

Blended families are hard, people expectations of others are so high and often uncommunicated.

I guess it depends on what type of relationship you have, it it’s your money and you can do as you like.

Do your biological nieces see their own mum because you could look at it that they also have an entire other family too

More context needed please ie SD’s side of the family? Are they active in her life? Have they the means to offer a similar gift? If you have the means to offer a similar gift and it would have been gratefully received, I probably would have done so… eight years is a long time and she practically lives with your DB full time!

I don’t think £1k is an odd amount to give a niece/nephew
I gave all of mine that for their 18ths and 21sts
I don’t have any step relatives so didn’t have to worry about that
OP what have you done for previous birthdays/Chistmasses

My SIL (my DCs step-aunty) doesn’t even give my kids a card and I’ve never questioned it. It’s a bit of a tenuous link. Wouldn’t even cross my mind that she should.

People talk about fairness etc, say kids should be grateful but it must still smart when you’re present for something then you or your child just gets a lukewarm response when you saw a huge deal being made of someone else. Everyone deserves to be celebrated- you don’t need to spend the same money but you can give the same excitement

We give our step niece the same as our niece and nephew. My BIL has been in her life since she was 7 and he considers himself like a father to her.

I think the fact the SN has her own Dad and his family involved in her life changes every thing. That's his job to provide for them, not yours. As PP said, your Brother chose to take the kids on, you didn't.
I'm all for blood means nothing when it comes to kids and it's about the child but I think he's mad to think you owe the SDN the same as your own blood.

I wonder if he'd told DW and/or DSD the 1k was coming?

I'm very much in favour of not leaving one kid without an Easter egg, birthday present etc, but those are small sums. It's different when it comes to more significant financial matters, especially as they get older.