I appreciate I may waffle and apologise.
me and my partner have had a mostly great relationship. However it is dwindling.
I have 3 children from a previous relationship, and he has 2. (Mine are 4-12, his are 16 and 18).
I put everyone first, my children obviously , and including him, his family, even his friends.
his father has recently passed away, and I have put everything on the back burner (including Xmas shopping for everyone- left until the day before Xmas Eve!!) so that I could be there, and be a shoulder to cry on. There have been a few occasions where he has been anything but nice… but I didn’t take offence due to his grief, and how he handles it. Still trying to hold his hand.
the funeral comes, 21st December, lovely service, hard day, everything going as ok as it could be. I’m there, I’m present, I’m holding his daughter’s hand at the grave side, I’m waiting in the cold with his relative as she waits for a lift in the blistering cold. Sitting with his mother etc. after a long day and lots of beer, we head back to stay at his mothers as she doesn’t want to be alone that night. Everything ok, obviously everyone is sad, but my partner just FLIPS - after I had administered his mums dogs medicine for a poorly ear. And I mean lost his ***, throwing the car keys at me telling me to leave because I’m not welcome. Nobody likes me. I clearly have to leave this house and did end up driving home, alone. (My children were staying with my family). Something I am not proud of and I know I shouldn’t have done but at the moment in time I felt only reasonable way of getting away. had a telling off from MIL the next day.
I still let this slide, he did apologise, but again grief etc.
fast forward Xmas shopping… I was due to go on my own and he said it would make more sense for him to come with and bring the kids. I explained it wouldn’t be a good idea as I would be rushed, and have to hide stuff and it just seemed like a hassle. I wanted to go first thing… he created merry hell and drew an argument out all day and when I gave in and said fine come, he said he couldn’t be bothered, and started drinking.
xmas eve… he tells me he needs to pop out shopping- clearly for me. I have been ‘expecting’ a ring for some time…. Something my partner has gone on about for months and months, and whilst his dad way dying he told
him to make an honest woman of me, so was expecting it even more.
he stops ‘for a pint’ on the way home in Xmas eve. Comes home blind drunk. My mum arrives after an hour drive… he’s throwing up in the toilet I’m trying to do ‘xmas stuff’ usual stuff.
Xmas day… present opening, and considering my last minute shopping due to everything I feel I did very well for him… a tool box on wheels he desperately wanted, a new coat, new electric toothbrush.
my turn… I got a crappy hooded blanket, which is so garish in colour covered in an awful pattern… really not me. And a pair of emoji slippers, again not me. That’s it.
i preceded to drink wine… its Xmas after all, with my mum, whilst prepping dinner, entertaining the kids. He sits in the chair, checking the turkey every now and then.
boxing day… mum goes home I ask for help tidying up, he sits in yhe chair ignoring me a except for making a dig that I got drunk yesterday!
he then stays In bed all day because I had a drink.
today…. He stays in bed til 12…. Comes down and says he’s got to look at a job (he is self employed so this is a normal thing) he ** off, so I go food shopping.
leave the shop and the car won’t start… I’m stranded in aldi car park, it’s pouring down. I call him, well I’ve just finished the job and I’m having a beer with my mate.
sat in the car park for 40 minutes before he came to rescue us. Not before he blames it on Me, u must of left something on in the car for it not to start… its never done it with him… this is his car btw he has been driving mine. He opens yhe bonnet and yhe alternator belt has snapped, so the battery isn’t being charged and the car is . He piles us all in the car whilst effing and jeffing.
drops us home, and * off to the pub. I won’t be long. 4 hours later im still sat here. Waiting again.
my poor kids, whilst happy, I feel sorry for them. We’ve been living on egg shells for ages, and now whilst they have everything they want for Xmas have been sat indoors since Xmas Eve.
sorry I know that’s long and there’s more to add probably but I’m rambling.
I just feel so sad. I feel not important. I feel disappointed