Weirded out by compartmentalised wedding

I've been to a wedding like this. Registry office 'official' wedding mid-week with a couple of friends as witnesses, blessing ceremony in a beautiful outdoors location for a small handful of friends and family (the proper wedding as far as they were concerned), and then a big party for lots of people in the evening. Worked well for the couple and I loved it. I only attended the reception/party part (from mid-afternoon until late). I struggle to sit through a traditional wedding ceremony if I'm honest!

they are calling it a wedding reception

So... they aren't calling it a wedding. They are calling it the wedding reception. Which is what it is....

Think of it like being invited to the evening only do (unforgiveable on MN I know), only probably with speeches.

It's really not that weird

lots of people do this. What a strange thing to take an issue with🤣

I don’t think it’s weird for them to do it this way

I do think it’s a bit odd to call it a wedding. Wedding reception or party to celebrate our wedding is more accurate. But it’s not a biggie.

I find this set up (party the day after) a lot better than those weddings where there is a ceremony, formal meal and then an evening party straight after, and an extra set of people are invited for the evening party only. That to me is odd and creates a much more obvious split between different “categories” of guests.

Sounds like a winner to me. No sitting through a boring ceremony, speeches, photography etc. Straight to the partyyyyyy!!

I just think things are moving on from every wedding having to have the same formula. People might want to celebrate getting married with their friends but maybe without the pressure of the whole walking down the aisle scenario. A nice intimate ceremony but then a big party where they can just relax.

The ceremony is literally just a legal contract... would you refuse to go to a house warming party because you didn't see the ceremony of them signing the deeds? would you refuse to go to a birthday because you never saw the birth certificate signed?

The mind set that you have to witness the 'ceremony' for it to matter is utterly baffling to me.

You are invited to celebrate with them so just do that. You aren't owed anything specific more than basic etiquette (shelter, access to water/toilets, food of some description etc...) even if they had a 'ceremony' they could have a completely non traditional wedding.

Consummation is part of the legal contract (and thus the ceremony) to do you wish to witness that completion as well.

I’ve always said if I were to ever change my mind and get married this is how I’d do it.

I think the actual getting married part is really personal and I’d only want a couple of people there to make it as intimate as possible.
But I’d have something bigger for everyone else so they don’t feel excluded.

I think you’re overthinking this and a bit stuck in your ways.
It will be fun and you should be grateful that they’ve chosen you to be a part of their special day, even if it’s not in the traditional sense that you’re used to.

You are just annoyed that they didn't invite people/ you to the ceremony it's not the huge deal you are making out your not really hurt or whatever just annoyed!

The concept of marriage might be important to you, but this should manifest itself through your own marriage. No one else's marriage should matter this much to you. It's incredibly weird to react in the way you are.

@venusandmars listed most of the reasons we did this, 20 years ago.

Practical ones.

One friend did moan as she thought it wasn't worth travelling for an afternoon. Er, thanks.

I personally, dislike the church bit as I am not religious, there's a lot of hanging around and the pews are invariably uncomfortable.

Each to their own!

YABU. It’s up to the couple what they do, and they are valuing their ceremony by having it as a private moment. Don’t go if you don’t like it - simple

I actually think it's quite offensive that you keep suggesting it's not a wedding, and keep refering to whether or not the invite says wedding reception or not. For them, these few days are their wedding, and their celebration of their commitment to each other.

I have been to two weddings like this. Both because both the couples wanted Humanist ceremonies but they are not legally binding in England and Wales, so they had the "real" civil wedding the day before with just very close family.

Mr Monkey, a very lapsed Catholic who had a pretty unlapsed Catholic upbringing was a bit weirded out by it like you.

Also- at least you know in advance that you're not seeing the legal bit!

Was invited to a wedding once with the address being a registry office and then reception at a nearby restaurant

Didn't realise until I turned up on the day that we were just meeting the couple outside the registry AFTER the ceremony to all walk together to the restaurant. Totally understandable due to limited numbers etc, but I wasn't expecting it and was a bit discombobulated/thought I'd got the time wrong! The couple are the loveliest, kindest people though so it was just lost in translation on the invites (I wasn't the only one confused)

Personally I find non-legal wedding ceremonies* a bit fake and naff. If you need to do the legal bit in a registry because your venue isn't licensed that's fine, but I think the "performance" of a ceremony slightly detracts from the preciousness of those vows, which you hopefully only make once (regardless of the ugliness of the decor!). Just have the reception/party at the pretty venue without a ceremony

*Exception for a non-legal religious wedding of the couple's faith/culture
But having two civil/non-religious weddings just because one is in a nicer location/can fit more people is a bit silly

Weddings are a traditional thing where you usually know what to expect. It can be unsettling and confusing when people break with tradition and do things differently.

I get this because I like a traditional funeral service but my mum wants a pure cremation with no service and for us to just go for a meal. I'm uneasy with it but it's my mums funeral so she gets to choose.

You say you feel like they're assuming people will be more interested in the party than the ceremony but I'm not sure that's it. They are thinking about what they want and they want a small ceremony and a bigger party.

Think of it as a party to celebrate them getting married and focus on the fact that they want you there to celebrate with them.

I know a few couples who have got married abroad and then had a wedding reception type do at home for friends and family. It's not that uncommon nowadays.

Most of the weddings I've been to over the past ten years, the actual legal marriage has taken place elsewhere, either quietly on the day of the wedding or at some point in the months/weeks/days prior. Some have still had a ceremony and vows in front of the guests, but at others it's just like going straight to the reception. There are generally still speeches, toasts, food, cake cutting, dancing etc etc. It doesn't feel any different.
And as PPs have said, it's up to them which part of their wedding they want to share with their guests, and how. You aren't owed anything.

You are not really making much sense I don't understand what you mean. You are either annoyed or not ?