Weirded out by compartmentalised wedding

I’ve been to four weddings with a blessing where B&G were already married (which we knew) and one where there was no blessing just a big party. Probably some of the better weddings!

I have the impression your religious beliefs are in the way of you enjoying your friends'wedding. To you, is a marriage only real if and when the vows are spoken before god? Because lots of people don't do that any more. God is not involved in what they promiss to each-other, so they only have a civil ceremony - if at all. And the reception is set apart from that in this case. But still your friends will be a 100% married, and that's what they want to celebrate - and they invited you to be with them in that celebration - can you see that is an honor?

Anyway, the vows people exchange are usually very personal and intimate. I've always felt it was a bit voyeuristic listening to them.

This is what me and dp are considering doing. Getting married abroad with just my adult children in attendance then throwing a party when we get home. Cost is the biggest factor, but also we want to marry abroad and have our honeymoon at the same time but family have said they won’t travel due to cost and health, which is fair enough. We’ll still be celebrating our marriage with our family and friends.

If you were my guest I’d rather you didn’t come tbh. You’ve spent a large amount of Thai thread making it about you and how hurt you are rather than being pleased and understanding for you friends. The nitpicking over calling it a wedding makes you sound quite judgy as does your comment to the PP who is doing the same where you told them they can’t call it a wedding. Regardless what it’s called you can either go and have fun and celebrate your friends marriage, or don’t go, and save yourself the months of handwringing about how it will all possibly work without a ceremony 🙄

With all due respect, I think that this pretty much indicates the problem with societal attitudes that it is “wrong” to have the legal wedding on a different date to the party. It creates a barrier to marriage and that’s an issue; it means that if a couple wants children, then they have a choice of either a) have children without being legally married (which can potentially put women at financial risk, and means that the woman often has no clear way to make sure the guy is properly committed to her… quite aside from the religious angle, if you are religious), or b) delay conception by as many years as it takes to save up for a wedding, which wastes time that a couple may not have. I don’t know your age and have no reason to think that delaying for a couple of years will be an issue for you, but it may be for some women.

I was recently talking to someone who was 39, she and her boyfriend wanted kids, but she was dithering about how to save up for a wedding, or should she compromise and have a very cheap rushed wedding, or… (I live in a country where almost everyone has children within marriage). I said to her, I’d really recommend just popping into your local government office, getting legally married and TTC right away, and then you can have a lovely wedding in a couple of years time and plan for it and save up for it and everything. I’d be quite put out if someone raised objections along the lines of “Oh, but we wanted them to exchange vows” even if this was a legal option where I am.

it's not a wedding you're having the month after though! It's a party

That poster clearly said the post wedding celebration is "an evening reception" not a wedding.

In the country where I live, you can only get legally married in a government office, so all weddings are just parties. It’s fine.

If you are religious, be grateful that they’re getting married at all! Marriage rates are at all-time low.

I'd have no problem with this,

How big of you

Ignore the typos there. Rushing as kids etc. you get the gist though

I am doing this next year. Getting married in Cyprus, not telling anyone until we get back. We’re taking the kids, my sister, my dad and step mum and that’s it. Will tell everyone when we get back and will have an evening reception the following month to celebrate with friends etc.
The reasons were doing it are

1. We both hate the thought of being centre of attention at a big wedding.
2. We have kids, mortgage etc to pay do it’s more costs effective. It’s so much cheaper to add the wedding on to a holiday we would already take with the children anyway.
3. We want to keep the ceremony for our immediate family only.

If any of my friends were ‘weirded out’ by not being there, they could kindly uninvited themselves to the evening. It’s our wedding and our choice on how we go about it.

Vows!

That serious about the cows if you prefer to wait years before actually doing them

Your waiting minimum 2 years because you want to save up for what presumably will be quite a big and pricey wedding.

But then you also say how important the wedding vows are because you’re religious.

🤔 I was desperate to marry my husband. And do those vows. No way would I have waited more than 2 years to save up in order to have a big wedding.

You can’t be

Here in France you have to have a civil wedding ceremony at the town hall. Weddings are only conducted during business hours Monday to Friday. Not everyone can attend those hours and while not tiny, there are space limitations in the rooms. It is common to hold a separate wedding party. Some have a religious wedding ceremony at a church after on either the same day or another day. Some just have the wedding meal and reception afterwards or even on the weekend following. My parents have two separate wedding days.

Haven’t heard that expression in years!! “Living in sin” sounds so much more glamorous, passionate and exciting than “cohabiting” 😉

I wouldn’t bother attending because I only really enjoy the wedding ceremony bit, the rest is usually pretty boring

I'm the total opposite. I find the ceremony dull (unless the bride has an amazing gown which distracts me). But I love the food, drinks, anecdotes in speeches, music, dancing.

OP As a Catholic - or indeed any mainstream Christian - you surely must know that Christian religious marriage is a sacrament. It's administered by the parties getting married to each other. Witnesses are required - but just two. (That's the same for civil marriages also.) In a Catholic marriage, the priest is usually one of those witnesses. He does not administer the sacrament - that's done by the couple getting married to each other. It's absolutely not about relatives or friends or anyone else who voyeuristically wants to gawp; it's entirely about the couple themselves.

Marriage is intensely personal. It's not a spectator sport, nor something that anyone - apart from the two witnesses required by law - has a right to see. As a previous poster says, you don't have to witness a childbirth to celebrate the arrival of a new baby.

I agree. I love the ceremonies , they're the best bit. I'm not completely against couples having a wedding celebration if that's what they want but I couldn't be doing with spending £600 to attend a non-wedding.

If my partner and I decide to get married I would like to do something similar go to a registry office and get married and then just throw a huge party with everyone invited, I don’t like the thought of a sit down meal and it will certainly be cheaper, plus we’ve got kids and there’s loads in the extended family and I’d want it to be a fun day for them too.

Very normal.. my daughter had her wedding with close family.. 2 weeks later had a celebration party with other family members and friends.
She wore her wedding dress for first half of party.. was a lovely evening in an hotel with a buffet and dj.
My other daughter got married abroad just her n husband n 2 friends .. then did same.
I know loads who do this.. saves all palaver and expense.

Almost all weddings I have been to are like this now they just do the formal bit in private then have a party later on or another day. People are only interested in the party and people have moved on from say 10-15 yrs ago where people spent a fortune on feeding a load of guests !

”own thing”