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AIBU?

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Original poster

Guy with teeth

141 replies

sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 11:13

I met a man at a session for one of my hobbies (outing as it's quite niche so can't mention). He's a really funny and smart guy and I really enjoy chatting with him etc. He's also really good looking/healthy/fit and a few years older than me but I have an embarrassing question that is making me feel quite shallow as well. I don't think I am necessarily shallow and never thought this type of stuff would bother me but I really have an issue with his teeth. I think he might be a smoker and I haven't asked and he definitely has 'bad' teeth and I don't really want to describe it. The problem is that I really like him and his personality and I think he might have a little crush on me (he's quite popular there). So what should I do? How can I tell him to go see a dentist or something along that line, is that even acceptable?? AIBU to even like him?? Please help me, I need some advice from the wise MN. I am definitely name changing after this post!

OP posts:
Cam22 · 26/05/2023 12:53

sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 12:49

Do you find that picture ugly? Thought you didn't care about teeth 😅

The teeth are a tad prominent. Literally - and clearly metaphorically in your mind.

🙂

LadyKenya · 26/05/2023 12:54

Cam22 · 26/05/2023 12:49

…date

Show quote history

So you have your standards, but it is a problem for the OP to have hers? Ok thenHmm

readbooksdrinktea · 26/05/2023 12:55

We all have preferences. That's fine. What's surprising to me as that you needed to ask if it's OK to ask a virtual stranger to get their teeth fixed.

Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 12:56

Cam22 · 26/05/2023 12:53

The teeth are a tad prominent. Literally - and clearly metaphorically in your mind.

🙂

Show quote history

Ahahahah right ;)

OP posts:
Cam22 · 26/05/2023 12:56

readbooksdrinktea · 26/05/2023 12:55

We all have preferences. That's fine. What's surprising to me as that you needed to ask if it's OK to ask a virtual stranger to get their teeth fixed.

This.^

RichardsGear · 26/05/2023 12:56

Does the sleeping in a coffin not put you off though?

Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 12:57

readbooksdrinktea · 26/05/2023 12:55

We all have preferences. That's fine. What's surprising to me as that you needed to ask if it's OK to ask a virtual stranger to get their teeth fixed.

Yeah lesson learned

OP posts:
RichardsGear · 26/05/2023 12:57

@Cam22

dooneyousmugelf · 26/05/2023 12:57

The OP's standards aren't the issue. The arrogance that the bloke might stand a chance with her if he just popped off and had his teeth 'fixed', coupled with the fact she thought however fleetingly that this would be an appropriate suggestion, is extremely unattractive.

Cam22 · 26/05/2023 12:58

RichardsGear · 26/05/2023 12:56

Does the sleeping in a coffin not put you off though?

There’s always one!

Cam22 · 26/05/2023 12:58

dooneyousmugelf · 26/05/2023 12:57

The OP's standards aren't the issue. The arrogance that the bloke might stand a chance with her if he just popped off and had his teeth 'fixed', coupled with the fact she thought however fleetingly that this would be an appropriate suggestion, is extremely unattractive.

👍🏻

RichardsGear · 26/05/2023 13:00

I do think OP if you were really keen the teeth probably wouldn't put you off. However that could change. My husband has had teeth from smoking and it really bothers me now. He could afford to pay for whitening but hasn't bothered and it is off putting.

RichardsGear · 26/05/2023 13:01

Cam22 · 26/05/2023 12:58

There’s always one!

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Well, you can't say he's tall, dark and handsome with nice fangs and not expect someone to bite, so to speak! 😜

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 26/05/2023 13:01

The trouble with teeth is that they aren't something that can easily be changed. Someone wears ridiculously short trousers? Easily overcome. Has a daft haircut? Can be worked around or they can wear a hat. Has awful teeth? Not a cheap or easy fix and, if they're like my teeth, you can spend a fortune on getting them 'put right' only for one ill-advised apple to ruin thousands of pounds worth of work.

skgnome · 26/05/2023 13:02

You either like him or not, simple
you like him and he has a crush on you? Great! Go ahead and date
his teeth are a major put down, fine, you’re not obliged to get romantically involved with every person you click - just don’t
you don’t say “I sort of like you but get your teeth fixed so we can date” or if you do be prepared to be told “aw, you’re lovely but your body is not perfect, get surgery and then we can consider dating”

PToosher · 26/05/2023 13:02

If a woman I 'liked' told me to sort my teeth out, I'd feel hurt and embarrassed and even if I did get my teeth sorted out I wouldn't date her.
I'd probably consider the 30 lbs she could do with losing, which wouldn't have been an issue for me initially, or the state of her feet in those sandals.

Cam22 · 26/05/2023 13:04

RichardsGear · 26/05/2023 13:01

Well, you can't say he's tall, dark and handsome with nice fangs and not expect someone to bite, so to speak! 😜

Show quote history

😝

lovemelongtime · 26/05/2023 13:20

If you couldn't snog him, stay well clear. You can't change his teeth (or ask him to before you date him) 🤣

Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 13:21

@Cam22 what's your issue exactly? You've made your position clear so why continue to be rude? I have asked for advice and I have seen the general consensus but I am not sure why you keep "attacking" me. You clearly thought that picture was ugly, how hypocritical.

OP posts:
squidgybits · 26/05/2023 13:22

I would like to think that he likes you but his deal breaker is your face/legs/ears/hair/feet
In reality it would probably be your attitude I'm afraid

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/05/2023 13:23

God no, you can’t say that!

You can ask if he’s a smoker, though, in general conversation. That would put me right off.

Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 13:23

RichardsGear · 26/05/2023 13:00

I do think OP if you were really keen the teeth probably wouldn't put you off. However that could change. My husband has had teeth from smoking and it really bothers me now. He could afford to pay for whitening but hasn't bothered and it is off putting.

Thanks, I am just going to get to know him more. I am keen, he's really interesting, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered, I don't mind being single etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 13:24

squidgybits · 26/05/2023 13:22

I would like to think that he likes you but his deal breaker is your face/legs/ears/hair/feet
In reality it would probably be your attitude I'm afraid

That's fair 😂

OP posts:
maddening · 26/05/2023 13:25

My friend did date a man with truly awful teeth, but it was only once they were in a relationship that she addressed the teeth and supported him getting treatment (however this was before the total destruction of nhs dentistry). They did eventually separate and he was much better off with nice teeth.

5128gap · 26/05/2023 13:36

sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 12:34

I understand why people are upset and trying to throw 'insults' here and that's fine but it's not really helpful other than making me understand I can never approach this subject with strangers or partners. I was only looking for some insights on something I didn't understand (my lack of social skills and inability to give up I suppose). I would never tell him anything about his features when he comes to talk to me so please chill and don't take it personally. I don't usually care for looks it's just this one thing that has bothered me. Honestly, I don't know if it's because I am mildly shallow or it just bothered me or I want my partner to have okay teeth. Also, don't worry I will delete this thread later as it seems too triggering for some. By the way there were some useful responses so thank you for that 😅

People telling you this would be wrong are not all 'upset' or 'triggered' or 'taking it personally'. I have excellent teeth. It doesn't stop me thinking it would be highly inappropriate to tell a near stranger to go to the dentist. That's not about teeth, it's about manners. It may be another example of your struggle with social skills, but to accuse people who are merely pointing out the obvious of being personally invested is patronising and diminishing of their views. Telling people who disagree to 'chill' is also rude.
Not being attracted to someone on the basis of a feature is not a problem. Everyone has their deal breakers. The problem is being so presumptuous as to think you can tell a person to 'improve' to your standards. That's what people are challenging, and I think you know that.