Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Guy with teeth

141 replies

sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 11:13

I met a man at a session for one of my hobbies (outing as it's quite niche so can't mention). He's a really funny and smart guy and I really enjoy chatting with him etc. He's also really good looking/healthy/fit and a few years older than me but I have an embarrassing question that is making me feel quite shallow as well. I don't think I am necessarily shallow and never thought this type of stuff would bother me but I really have an issue with his teeth. I think he might be a smoker and I haven't asked and he definitely has 'bad' teeth and I don't really want to describe it. The problem is that I really like him and his personality and I think he might have a little crush on me (he's quite popular there). So what should I do? How can I tell him to go see a dentist or something along that line, is that even acceptable?? AIBU to even like him?? Please help me, I need some advice from the wise MN. I am definitely name changing after this post!

OP posts:
mumreachingout · 26/05/2023 11:32

I don't think you can mention it, sounds like you don't really know him and it would come across as extremely rude. If he did fancy you, he would sure to be put off you after that.

Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 11:35

Please don't take this OP personally, I would never think of asking him or telling him anything of the sort. I just wanted some advice because I really like his personality and would have loved to date him. That's why I am posting it anonymously on a website before even considering saying anything of the sort (not that I would!) But I guess there is nothing left to do 😢

OP posts:
Thatladdo · 26/05/2023 11:36

If your going to pick and fault others on appearance you had better be perfect or be ready to be torn apart yourself! 😆

Teeth can be fixed, a personality not so much...

Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 11:37

PinkFootstool · 26/05/2023 11:31

Frankly if someone I'd met once told me to sort my teeth out, I'd be asking for the £12k cash from them that my dentist has quoted me.

And I'd think you were a Grade A Arsehole.

Do you really think those of us with poor teeth don't know? Mine are clean and my my breath fresh, but they are badly damaged from years of grinding and poor genetics and need so much repair work that I can't afford it. I'm already humiliated by them, smile with my mouth closed and hate how I look.

I'd be absolutely humiliated if someone saw fit to tell me to go to the dentist. Wow.

Don't worry I already feel like a GAA

OP posts:
Gettingbysomehow · 26/05/2023 11:37

I don't date men with shit teeth or no teeth. Some might think this is shallow but I've saved hard to keep my teeth nice and have some implants even though I'm not on a massive salary and in my 60's and I just cannot abide a horrible mouth attached to either end of me yuck!!! I don't think you can tell him that though. If he doesn't know how to take care of himself by now then I'm afraid he never will.

Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 11:38

Thatladdo · 26/05/2023 11:36

If your going to pick and fault others on appearance you had better be perfect or be ready to be torn apart yourself! 😆

Teeth can be fixed, a personality not so much...

I see where you're coming from! 😅

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 26/05/2023 11:39

You don’t like him that much if his teeth would put you off. You don’t specify whether they’re decayed and he has bad breath or just misaligned and/or discoloured. I know someone with horrifically misaligned teeth who has no option but to put up with them because it would cost thousands to sort them out.

CountessBathorysBeautySecrets · 26/05/2023 11:39

Gettingbysomehow · 26/05/2023 11:37

I don't date men with shit teeth or no teeth. Some might think this is shallow but I've saved hard to keep my teeth nice and have some implants even though I'm not on a massive salary and in my 60's and I just cannot abide a horrible mouth attached to either end of me yuck!!! I don't think you can tell him that though. If he doesn't know how to take care of himself by now then I'm afraid he never will.

I don't think anyone will think you shallow for having 'must have teeth' as a prerequisite in a date!

TomatoSandwiches · 26/05/2023 11:39

sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 11:35

Please don't take this OP personally, I would never think of asking him or telling him anything of the sort. I just wanted some advice because I really like his personality and would have loved to date him. That's why I am posting it anonymously on a website before even considering saying anything of the sort (not that I would!) But I guess there is nothing left to do 😢

I do honestly feel for you op, it must be really conflicting and frustrating to meet someone you mutually click with but there's just one teeny tiny thing.

Nothing wrong with standards, you can't help what you like.

Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 11:41

I feel like a total bitch describing them as that's really unfair on him because he's a lovely lovely guy. But yeah there's some tooth decay and discolouration and misalignment in there. I'll delete this post also in case he ever comes across it but I don't think he's on MN!

OP posts:
changedforanswer · 26/05/2023 11:41

Wow how rude @sadconfusedembarassed please don't tell him about his teeth. Leave him alone so he can find someone nice.

Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 11:42

changedforanswer · 26/05/2023 11:41

Wow how rude @sadconfusedembarassed please don't tell him about his teeth. Leave him alone so he can find someone nice.

Okay

OP posts:
Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 11:43

sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 11:41

I feel like a total bitch describing them as that's really unfair on him because he's a lovely lovely guy. But yeah there's some tooth decay and discolouration and misalignment in there. I'll delete this post also in case he ever comes across it but I don't think he's on MN!

@Blossomtoes

OP posts:
CannotDoThisAnymore · 26/05/2023 11:43

PinkFootstool · 26/05/2023 11:31

Frankly if someone I'd met once told me to sort my teeth out, I'd be asking for the £12k cash from them that my dentist has quoted me.

And I'd think you were a Grade A Arsehole.

Do you really think those of us with poor teeth don't know? Mine are clean and my my breath fresh, but they are badly damaged from years of grinding and poor genetics and need so much repair work that I can't afford it. I'm already humiliated by them, smile with my mouth closed and hate how I look.

I'd be absolutely humiliated if someone saw fit to tell me to go to the dentist. Wow.

Absolutely me too. Feel exactly the same. Parents wouldnt sort a brace for me when i was younger and my teeth are not in line. However they are clean and none missing so thats as good as it gets im afraid as i cannot afford to fix them to please everyone else. I would be devastated if someone said this to me 😒

changedforanswer · 26/05/2023 11:43

Imagine @sadconfusedembarassed if you tell him and he says 'ah I was going to mention your 'ass/stomach/legs/face/hair/ etc but I not being rude didn't'.

Guess you are perfect. Nothing wrong with wanting your partner to have great teeth but seriously don't moan about his teeth to him. It's really not on at all.

TulipCat · 26/05/2023 11:45

Bed teeth are a real turn off in my opinion. But you really can't be raising this when nothing has even happened between you. This is the sort of thing you could discuss if you were already in the relationship for ages and his dental health started to deteriorate, not something you raise before you're even dating. His bad teeth (understandably in my view) mean you don't fancy him so move on.

AgnesX · 26/05/2023 11:46

sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 11:18

No, I would just leave him alone and I have but I think he really likes me as he always waits for me afterwards and I wouldn't mind dating him. That's the only reason I asked. Can someone give me a little advice without telling me to leave him alone because I can already think and decide that?

I think he might go off you a bit - out of sheer embarrassment. If he has any self awareness he'll already know.

How would you you feel if someone said that to you.

itsmylife7 · 26/05/2023 11:48

I suppose the question is...can you imagine having a good old snog ?

DrDavidStarKey · 26/05/2023 11:48

I get where you are coming from. I didn't date someone past two dates because of his teeth. He had enough money to get them fixed too but had decided they were part of his personality.

He had been in a car accident and his two front teeth (and presumably all the rest) were moved slightly to one side so he had one tooth in the middle and it's partner was off to the side of it. Once I noticed it, I couldn't not and I couldn't get past it.

Call me shallow but it ruined his otherwise quite lovely face.

mrlistersgelfbride · 26/05/2023 11:49

Believe me when I say, if someone has a physical flaw, particularly on their face, they know about it. They don't need you to tell them!
He will know his teeth aren't great. Please don't be unkind.
If you like him, try and get past it. If it's a dealbreaker for you, move on.
Why not get to know him a little more as a friend first.

CitizenofMoronia · 26/05/2023 11:50

TomatoSandwiches · 26/05/2023 11:24

Can you imagine him waiting for you.at the end of the evening and saying,

" you know sadconfusedembarrassed I've really enjoyed getting to know you, I like your company and would totally consider dating you, but only if you sorted out that bump on your nose. It's the only thing that keeps putting me off so I thought I'd let you know and put the ball in your court. "

I was going to say
... I dont really go for big girls.. can you get one of them gastric bands from Turkey and I may consider it..

bonus point for bad teeth man if she dont need it.,.. shallow much OP?

Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 11:53

Honestly, I hadn't realised that it costs so much to get your teeth fixed, didn't cross my mind at all

OP posts:
Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 11:56

This really isn't about being shallow tbh. I mean sure throw that at me I get where you're coming from but I just wanted a solution around this. I guess I should get to know him more as PP suggested and go from there.

OP posts:
Pepsipepsi · 26/05/2023 11:58

I was neglected as a child, got a massive overbite, probably shit genes. Mum only took me to dentist twice as a kid and one of the dentists blamed my 9 year old self for the mess they were in!! Then as a young adult I couldn't afford work. I can afford it now but quite frankly I'd rather spend my money on holidays. It's not me that has to put up looking at my face 😂 my husband says he loves me regardless.
Saying that I wouldn't compromise on deal breakers in the early days. But I wouldn't tell rejected partners the problem to their face especially if it was outside of their control!!

PinkFootstool · 26/05/2023 12:00

sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 11:53

Honestly, I hadn't realised that it costs so much to get your teeth fixed, didn't cross my mind at all

I need 14 crowns to make my teeth "pretty". £800 minimum per tooth. They can't do fewer than 6 at a time or they'll break because I grind down in my sleep, even with a night guard to protect them. It's a process that will take around a year from beginning to end with many many appointments.

I don't have £12k and I'm not prepared to get into that kind of debt for vanity.

I'm also phobic of the dentist, which I thought I was much better with but after 3yrs unable to get a dentist appointment due to Covid, I sobbed like a 4yo having a bloody filling last week. No idea how I'd cope with all that work.

So your man might not be able to justify the expense if his teeth are clean and healthy, just crooked.