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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Guy with teeth

141 replies

sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 11:13

I met a man at a session for one of my hobbies (outing as it's quite niche so can't mention). He's a really funny and smart guy and I really enjoy chatting with him etc. He's also really good looking/healthy/fit and a few years older than me but I have an embarrassing question that is making me feel quite shallow as well. I don't think I am necessarily shallow and never thought this type of stuff would bother me but I really have an issue with his teeth. I think he might be a smoker and I haven't asked and he definitely has 'bad' teeth and I don't really want to describe it. The problem is that I really like him and his personality and I think he might have a little crush on me (he's quite popular there). So what should I do? How can I tell him to go see a dentist or something along that line, is that even acceptable?? AIBU to even like him?? Please help me, I need some advice from the wise MN. I am definitely name changing after this post!

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WoofWoofBeachLife · 28/05/2023 15:04

sadconfusedembarassed · 27/05/2023 08:11

Thanks @whumpthereitis going away this weekend and will be meeting him, I'll decide how I feel then ❤️

Have a lovely weekend OP, I hope it works out with him.

Catlord · 27/05/2023 19:08

Vitriolinsanity · 27/05/2023 18:29

If your niche hobby is medieval reenactment though, he's probably just method to the max 

@Cam22 you're getting a bit hot under the collar. It's Saturday, the sun is out, chill.

That kind of passion and dedication to his interests sounds rather attractive!

Cam22 · 27/05/2023 18:33

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Vitriolinsanity · 27/05/2023 18:29

If your niche hobby is medieval reenactment though, he's probably just method to the max 

@Cam22 you're getting a bit hot under the collar. It's Saturday, the sun is out, chill.

Vitriolinsanity · 27/05/2023 18:27

You can find anything a deal breaker when it comes to whether you fancy someone or not, however shallow.

But I think that to say it out loud can only really be hurtful.

Either he's got all the other factors in place that you can see past his teeth, or you throw him back and move on.

Cam22 · 27/05/2023 18:24

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You have been reported.

EightChalk · 27/05/2023 18:19

Lots of people being disingenuous on this thread so that they can have fun putting the boot in with "I bet you're not perfect" insults. If teeth are habitually unclean, that is NOT just about how they look and can't be compared to other things which are "just about looks". The OP specified that they're not just misaligned.

Jennie909 · 27/05/2023 17:27

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Cam22 · 27/05/2023 17:08

Life would be easier for people like you if people still had to wear masks. 😷

Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 27/05/2023 08:11

Thanks @whumpthereitis going away this weekend and will be meeting him, I'll decide how I feel then ❤️

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Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 27/05/2023 08:09

Why do you say Morris dancing? @watcherintherye

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watcherintherye · 26/05/2023 23:26

I’m more interested in your niche, outing hobby, op! Is it morris dancing?

whumpthereitis · 26/05/2023 16:43

I wouldn’t mention it to him but you’re perfectly reasonable in having ‘bad teeth’ as a dealbreaker. It was for me when I was dating, and tbh I think it is for a lot of people.

Timeforthesummer · 26/05/2023 16:25

I think it would be a horrible thing to do to tell him to get his teeth sorted. Do you really think that he doesn't know his teeth are bad?

There are genetic reasons that people can have discoloured, crooked and even missing teeth. It isn't always down to hygiene or not caring. If you're lucky enough to have a few thousand spare then sometimes you can get them fixed. It makes me sad that people are so judgmental.

It's absolutely fine to not fancy someone for whatever reason you feel, but pointing out someone flaws as a reason not to date them is cruel.

Imagine "I might fancy you if you lost 2 stone", "get a hair transplant and you've got a chance", "if only your nose wasn't so big you'd be good looking".

MNHQ
PipMumsnet · 26/05/2023 16:03

Hello everyone,
Just dropping in to say that discussions like this often get heated but we'd like to remind you that Mumsnet is here to make parents' lives easier. While we encourage healthy and robust discussion, we hope that everyone can respect each other in their choices and express their views without resorting to personal attacks. Any posts reported to us that break our Talk guidelines will be deleted.
Peace and love,
MNHQ

GabriellaMontez · 26/05/2023 15:44

I know someone who has a genetic problem with her teeth. Nothing she can do. And very difficult to manage. Normal implants aren't an option.

If its something he isn't responsible for, would that change things?

I associate poor teeth, with poor hygiene and that's very off-putting. But that may not be the case.

Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 15:30

Poor @Cam22 😂😂😂😂 I guess trolling doesn't always pay off, I am glad there's traceability on MN

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Cam22 · 26/05/2023 15:27

…up on

Cam22 · 26/05/2023 15:27

Wow! Imagine doing a search or ten. Lol
Don’t give up the single life or it’ll leave you less time to check up people you don’t know! 😆

Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 15:15

NooNooHead1981 · 26/05/2023 14:40

That's ok, you didn't upset me really. I actually don't think teeth and a movement disorder are that similar but I guess that they involve the face 😅

Thank you for your apology. Please don't worry about the fact don't like his teeth, I would be put off too. I think perhaps if you found a way to tell him kindly if you were going out, then it might be better for him rather than just saying it is something you don't like before you are together properly.

Hopefully that way he would see it from a kind place. He is most likely aware of his bad teeth, and I'm certain smoking won't have helped his oral health at all. Perhaps you could ask him about whether he's still smoking and how it will be expensive in the cost of living crisis? If you approach it this way, he might see it differently 😉 💖

Nah I am really sorry I didn't realise how my question would affect others, thank you, I would have ever only mentioned it if we were together as even then idk if I would have, that's why I am asking here! 😅

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Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 15:12

Also found the Reddit thread by googling @Cam22 Mumsnet 😂😂😂😂😂

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Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 15:10

Ah I understand you better now @Cam22 😂😂😂 you're one of those,so much for your high horse bullshit.
"Cam22 · 12/04/2023 15:47

Shes an appalling person so very pleased she won’t be there trying to seek attention."

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/the_royal_family/4783470-harry-but-not-meghan

Harry but not Meghan | Mumsnet

No surprise he's coming on his own to the coronation.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/the_royal_family/4783470-harry-but-not-meghan

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Cam22 · 26/05/2023 14:58

BadNomad · 26/05/2023 14:37

I can't believe you even considered saying something. If you ever wonder about if you should tell someone that they need to lose weight, don't do that either. Or a nosejob/mole removal/breast lift, that's also a no.

Quite. Talk about subtle.

Cam22 · 26/05/2023 14:57

sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 14:21

Oh dear, I am not here for people to back me up. How old are you? Jesus

That’s debatable.