For being upset over our future

@Weddingpuzzle - As I've mentioned I have 5 friends with children and my closest, I see her baby frequently and I talk to her about motherhood all the time. I'm not new to what real motherhood looks like. I think my life now is far more repetitive, tiring and boring and I'm not shutting out what everyone is saying as I get it and I understand what everyone is saying. I still want a baby but I've always understood that if he doesn't want one then we won't have one 🤷🏼‍♀️
I'm unsure if I know who I am yet but Ive got a very good idea of who I am and who I want to be.

Why do you want a baby?

Do you have any goals in life other than being a mum?

Your life is “repetitive, tiring and boring” just now? It will be exactly the same with a baby added to it.

If your life is that boring, change it, but don’t bring a child into it and expect them to change your life for you.

@BadNomad - the typical selfish reasons, no matter how you look at it wanting a baby will always be for a personal gain

@GeraltsBathtub - Completed all the goals I've needed to - to get to this point. My ultimate goal is now settling down but I'd love to go to Japan and other bits

@Nicknacky - You completely twisted what I said, my life is more repetitive and boring now than it would be if I had a child, I never ever want my child to "fix" my life. I can do that one on my own, I have changed my life and it's not that boring.

It really doesn't matter 😂

Everyone who hasn't been totally responsible for a newborn baby, 24 hours a day, all day every day and then onwards without the ability to hand that baby back to someone else, doesn't fully understand what parenting is like. Never mind all the physical changes and challenges that come with giving birth and the post natal period.

You've got a decade between now and being 30. If your boyfriend is in the relationship for the long haul then discuss your long term plans. You could agree to start trying for a baby when you turn 24 or 25 for example. Gives your boyfriend time to get his head around the idea, and gives you a bit longer to save up further.

How have I twisted it? It’s your own words.

You said your life was boring, not me.

Having friends with children isn't the same
Seeing a friends baby frequently isn't the same
Talking about parenting with a friend who already is a parent isn't the same

You don't know what reality looks like and I think believing you do just because you have some friends who are parents shows just how much you do need to grow and mature as a person before ideally having a baby.

As does going on the defensive and arguing against what the majority who are already parents are saying. I'm not sure that you aren't shutting out what everyone is saying because you simply don't like what you're hearing.

@RoseslnTheHospital - Understood x

@Nicknacky - you said as a parent your life is boring - i was insinuating my life as a parent wouldn't be boring but it doesn't matter

I said your life would be exactly the same as it is now, but with a baby added to it. Having a child doesn’t create everyday excitement and new experiences.

Take that from people have have experienced parenthood. I think you are showing your lack of maturity there.

Ok, so why don’t you use the next few years to focus on your trip to Japan and other goals and then when you’ve achieved those see if your DP is ready for kids?

OP, if your life is boring and repetitive, do something interesting and exciting with it. Having a baby at the age of 20 because you're bored with your life is a truly terrible idea. It's not a binary choice between clubbing and having a baby. I've always hated clubbing too.

I'm the baby/toddler phase right now and a lot of it is boring and repetitive. It's also wonderful, but I think I'm enjoying the wonderful bits enough to compensate for the boring and repetitive bits because I waited until I was emotionally and financially ready to have a baby. Things like not worrying how much nappies cost or just being able to whip my card out and order whatever I've just realised my baby needs to be delivered tonight by Amazon Prime make a huge amount of difference. I don't think it would be nearly as much fun if I'd done it at 20 when I hadn't had loads of other life experiences first and when I didn't have the money to just throw at every problem.

Yes, but in what ways will it enhance your life? And in what ways will it impair your life?

@SouthLondonMum22 - I've said to those who I don't want to argue with that it doesn't matter if I feel neither of us are understanding the other and I have liked what I've heard and I literally asked for opinions so I'm not upset over what people have said and I really do get it. My opinion won't change, you literally don't know me at all but believe what you will about my maturity levels. Anyway, have a nice day (:

PEOPLE my life isn't actually repetitive and boring - I quite clearly didn't get my point across 😂 Stop focusing on that, I thoroughly enjoy my life at the moment and all I wanted to know was if my sadness was unreasonable. I've gathered. It is. A baby would only add to how much I enjoy my life and I'd love to raise a genuinely good person etc etc. I'm done with this thread and I've asked for it to be deleted. Again, thank you for your feedback @MargotBamborough @Nicknacky @SouthLondonMum22

Deleted why? No one has been rude or offensive and we can only go by your description of your life.

You have rose tinted glasses on. We on the other hand have worn them then taken them off. Maybe consider that we all come from places of experience. I was 29 when I had my first and that was a great age for me and 35 for my second.

@Nicknacky Okay (: Noted

I don't need to know you when what you've posted and how you've responded says a whole lot about your maturity levels.

@SouthLondonMum22 - Okay - Noted (:

I think you're ignoring thinking about how much a baby will take away from your life too. Your freedom. Your ability to be spontaneous. Your late nights and lie-ins. Your ability to laze around when you're ill. Your life becomes all about them. Their routine will be your routine. And that's just to start with. Yes, there are great parts, but the bad parts mean you'll be giving up a lot of good things so soon in your life. Try to appreciate and enjoy it for a bit longer while you can.

@BadNomad - I know and understand all of that and thank you for your feedback x

Op, you sound young, and you are young! It probably seems incredibly patronising that we’re all saying very similar things to you, but there’s a reason you’re asking for advice from (in your words) much older women. We have the experience to be able to suggest things to help you long term.

your dp sounds like he’s got his head screwed on, there’s a fair age gap between you, he may mean he’s not ready to have a baby while you’re so young still, and he would prefer to wait for the both of you. Being a parent ideally involves a shed load of emotional maturity. You say your grew up with little money and it’s common for many to be a teen parent but that doesn’t mean you can’t aspire to be a bit more settled and mature before you do. You clearly can become pregnant- great news! Use the next few years to travel, save up, get settled into a good job and home situation. You’d still be quite young to have a baby at 26/27, but your own personal growth in that time would make you a 100% better parent and partner.

@Excited101, I don't feel patronised but thank you