For being upset over our future

I was the same as you OP . I was 19 to be told I had PCOS and Endometriosis. I was in such a rush to have a baby but my partner was older and wiser and wanted us to wait a while , enjoy each other and try in a few years We bought a house went on some holidays . Fast forward to me being 28 and feeling like I wanted to try now . By now I had undergone 2 operations for my Endometriosis . In January 2020 we both agreed I would come off the pill but never mentioned a baby we just agreed we would relax and have fun and if it happened great. Within 3 months it had happened against all odds and we now have a very busy toddler and are planning our wedding . But I'm so glad we waited and had that time together to grow .
Good luck with whatever you choose .

I do know what I want and going to a few countries is seen as travelling but I have no desire to travel. I don’t mind if you think my life is “small” or if you want to speculate on my background but I would never put my child through what I went through and if I ever wanted to go anywhere, I would rather take my child too even if it costs more or takes more time to plan so they can experience it too. Travelling and clubbing and all those others things people “need to experience” are of zero interest to me and they have never been of interest to me. I like my simple little life but I would also go above and beyond if I ever have a child and also, I would never force my SO to have a child with me if he didn’t want to which is why we don’t have one and why we won’t have one until he is ready. I was just upset because it felt like he was making excuses and putting it off more than anything. At the end of the day none of it matters and I understand what people are saying

thank you

Look, you clearly know what you want and won’t be persuaded otherwise. That’s fine, it is your life. Only your boyfriend isn’t on board yet, so you can leave or wait.
but your life does sound a bit small, possibly because that’s what you know from home, and you are perpetuating that for your child.
having been on a holiday and a couple of countries with school is not traveling.

make sure you are financially independent (could you pay £1000 a month on childcare?), even if you were a single mother?
look around you - do you want the life your mum had, your friends are having?
but all of this is moot if you don’t have a willing father for the child

OP I was also diagnosed with PCOS at the same age, was told I wasn't ovulating at all, there was lots of scarring on both of my ovaries and I would need medical intervention to conceive. I would have a couple of periods a year.
I made sure I used contraception because you never know and also anti androgenic contraception is really helpful for managing PCOS. I also grew up in real poverty.
I went to uni, bought a property on my own at 25, I had a good job with prospects, I thought I was earning well then, it would nowhere near cover my today life expenses. Coming from poverty I always wanted to be completely independent.
I had a serious relationship back in my late teens, early 20s and I really thought we were forever, we weren't. I got together with DH around 25.
I had DS at 34 conceived one cycle after coming off the pill after I was married, we'd bought a lovely family home in an area with great schools. My job is a vocation and bloody difficult, but because I was well established before having DS my progression hasn't faltered , I actually got promoted whilst on mat leave. My reputation also allowed me to negotiate the working hours that suit my family.

More than most I really know where you're coming from, but I'm testament to the fact you can have it, everything you want, without rushing anything. I've had so many wonderful experiences with my husband before we had DC , we were both ready for the commitment of children. Your partner isn't. Don't have a baby with a man who isn't all in, especially not at your age, if he walks away your life will be very difficult.

It’s hard to look back at her comments because of changing username. In future OP I definitely recommend sticking with one username for a whole thread as people can click to see all of your posts, and your posts are a different colour to other people’s.

To be fair to @Cherry119 she said that she had "far more than £2000" in savings, in response to someone else mentioning that amount.

OP, i'm not going to criticise you on your choice to have a baby so young, although I wouldn't have even dreamt of it, and didn't have my first until I was 37, which in my industry is really common, it is with your understanding of the finances that you might need help with.

Having £2,000 in savings at 20 is commendable, but I basically spent half of that on a pram and a few other baby bits. Of curse you can do it cheaper, but having kids is expensive! I went through about £30,000 in 2 years on my first, and aside from the pram i'm not sure i could have done things much cheaper.

@Excited101, I don't feel patronised but thank you

Op, you sound young, and you are young! It probably seems incredibly patronising that we’re all saying very similar things to you, but there’s a reason you’re asking for advice from (in your words) much older women. We have the experience to be able to suggest things to help you long term.

your dp sounds like he’s got his head screwed on, there’s a fair age gap between you, he may mean he’s not ready to have a baby while you’re so young still, and he would prefer to wait for the both of you. Being a parent ideally involves a shed load of emotional maturity. You say your grew up with little money and it’s common for many to be a teen parent but that doesn’t mean you can’t aspire to be a bit more settled and mature before you do. You clearly can become pregnant- great news! Use the next few years to travel, save up, get settled into a good job and home situation. You’d still be quite young to have a baby at 26/27, but your own personal growth in that time would make you a 100% better parent and partner.

@BadNomad - I know and understand all of that and thank you for your feedback x

I think you're ignoring thinking about how much a baby will take away from your life too. Your freedom. Your ability to be spontaneous. Your late nights and lie-ins. Your ability to laze around when you're ill. Your life becomes all about them. Their routine will be your routine. And that's just to start with. Yes, there are great parts, but the bad parts mean you'll be giving up a lot of good things so soon in your life. Try to appreciate and enjoy it for a bit longer while you can.

@SouthLondonMum22 - Okay - Noted (:

I don't need to know you when what you've posted and how you've responded says a whole lot about your maturity levels.

@Nicknacky Okay (: Noted

Deleted why? No one has been rude or offensive and we can only go by your description of your life.

You have rose tinted glasses on. We on the other hand have worn them then taken them off. Maybe consider that we all come from places of experience. I was 29 when I had my first and that was a great age for me and 35 for my second.

PEOPLE my life isn't actually repetitive and boring - I quite clearly didn't get my point across 😂 Stop focusing on that, I thoroughly enjoy my life at the moment and all I wanted to know was if my sadness was unreasonable. I've gathered. It is. A baby would only add to how much I enjoy my life and I'd love to raise a genuinely good person etc etc. I'm done with this thread and I've asked for it to be deleted. Again, thank you for your feedback @MargotBamborough @Nicknacky @SouthLondonMum22

@SouthLondonMum22 - I've said to those who I don't want to argue with that it doesn't matter if I feel neither of us are understanding the other and I have liked what I've heard and I literally asked for opinions so I'm not upset over what people have said and I really do get it. My opinion won't change, you literally don't know me at all but believe what you will about my maturity levels. Anyway, have a nice day (:

Yes, but in what ways will it enhance your life? And in what ways will it impair your life?

OP, if your life is boring and repetitive, do something interesting and exciting with it. Having a baby at the age of 20 because you're bored with your life is a truly terrible idea. It's not a binary choice between clubbing and having a baby. I've always hated clubbing too.

I'm the baby/toddler phase right now and a lot of it is boring and repetitive. It's also wonderful, but I think I'm enjoying the wonderful bits enough to compensate for the boring and repetitive bits because I waited until I was emotionally and financially ready to have a baby. Things like not worrying how much nappies cost or just being able to whip my card out and order whatever I've just realised my baby needs to be delivered tonight by Amazon Prime make a huge amount of difference. I don't think it would be nearly as much fun if I'd done it at 20 when I hadn't had loads of other life experiences first and when I didn't have the money to just throw at every problem.

Ok, so why don’t you use the next few years to focus on your trip to Japan and other goals and then when you’ve achieved those see if your DP is ready for kids?

I said your life would be exactly the same as it is now, but with a baby added to it. Having a child doesn’t create everyday excitement and new experiences.

Take that from people have have experienced parenthood. I think you are showing your lack of maturity there.

@Nicknacky - you said as a parent your life is boring - i was insinuating my life as a parent wouldn't be boring but it doesn't matter

@RoseslnTheHospital - Understood x

Having friends with children isn't the same
Seeing a friends baby frequently isn't the same
Talking about parenting with a friend who already is a parent isn't the same

You don't know what reality looks like and I think believing you do just because you have some friends who are parents shows just how much you do need to grow and mature as a person before ideally having a baby.

As does going on the defensive and arguing against what the majority who are already parents are saying. I'm not sure that you aren't shutting out what everyone is saying because you simply don't like what you're hearing.

How have I twisted it? It’s your own words.

You said your life was boring, not me.