Taking it out on your body - exploring possible roots

[womanformallyknownaswoman]

This post emerges from a conversation started on another thread about the possible links between various conditions involving hurting one’s body, that I have called collectively “taking it out on your body”.

I thought a useful backdrop to this discussion is this:

The essence of radical feminism is the highlighting of the subjugation and marginalisation of women, by frequently consigning them to roles defined by men. This can mirror enslavement. This socialisation of women starts very early - I would contend in utero. It can certainly start early in the family and is fostered at societal and cultural levels and now is very heavily fuelled by social media.

These remarks are taken from Sheila Jeffreys at the recent Inconvenient Women WNTT event:

It is on the basis of sex that women are oppressed and on that basis that women rights are founded. It is in international law that sex is the basis of the granting of women’s rights.
..

The idea of gender arises from the oppression of women and cannot exist without it. Gender comprises behaviour and appearance norms required of men and women. Femininity is one half of gender and is the enforced behaviour of the oppressed, that is women. It includes humiliating clothing norms such as high heels, decoration, body exposure, body covering as well as the restriction of body movement, for example not taking up much space and so on.

It is based on the notion that women’s brains are somehow different from those of men, in ways that make them suited to such behaviour, make them rightfully subordinate and suited for doing the housework

The sparking comment on the other thread was this one:

user1499173618 Thu 14-Jun-18 08:43:48
BowlofBabelFish - the common thread between anorexia, bulimia, self-harm, trichotillomania, nail biting, gender dysphori (and, perhaps,tattooing, piercing) etc is deep-seated failure of recognition and denial of emotions. Human emotions are very real things but the gaslighting by society at large of human need and emotion causes immense confusion that results in people turning on themselves when they are not equipped to deal with the onslaught from the world at large.

To which I responded:

Emotional and psychological abuse targeting women, at family and societal level and now pervasive on SM, denies, discounts and coerces women away from their rightful autonomy and freedom of thought and being. This abuse can be somaticised by many women into blaming themselves, as the only tolerable, psychological alternative at an early age. This can lead to various manifestations of self harm and/ or taking it out on one's body. That is not women's fault but the environment they were raised in, where abuse is normalised and they are scapegoated.

From that point it was decided to start a separate thread.

Thank you so much for starting this thread and for a great OP.

I really want to explore this but it’s all gone a bit crazy here today. I will definitely be back, if I don’t get banned first.

Thank you for starting the thread, I will be back to read - even if I do get banned before I can contribute!

As I posted on the other thread, that list (anorexia, bulimia, self-harm, trichotillomania, nail biting, gender dysphori (and, perhaps,tattooing, piercing)) reads like a personal life history. It's also probably relevant that I am autistic, so a lot of coping mechanisms lead back to that as well

Thank you for starting this! Just putting a marker down for later - I will be back!

Thank you! I will be back when other conversations that are grabbing my immediate attention have calmed down. I really look forward to discussing this issue.

I am autistic, so a lot of coping mechanisms lead back to that as well

I have some non-clinical observations about autism and developmental trauma - look forward to discussing later when things have quietened down- I'm off for a few hours now - c u all later - looking forward to a slow, meaty discussion.

PS I toyed with leaving out the condition from User's comment relating to the thing we can't talk about anymore - as a precaution to cut down distractive derails. Maybe we should adjourn to the stationery cupboard for privacy ( hoping that isn't too much of an in-joke)

Yes, that list is like a life story for me too.

I would add risky behaviours to the list too; sex/relationships that are damaging, drugs and alcohol etc

For me it has a lot to do with being in control. It is turning things in on myself but it is also trying to exist.

Trying to feel and trying to exist.

I’m sorry to read that others have turned their distress on their own bodies in multiple ways (as did I), but I think it is enlightening to share our personal stories and to explore what we have learned.

It took me quite a long time to work out that, unless I got to grips with all my distressing feelings and understood what provoked them and why they were a legitimate response to external stressors, I would eliminate one form of self harm only to adopt another in a never ending cycle.

I'd also add in smoking, as I had a recent epiphany on a smoking related thread that I smoke as a "socially acceptable self harm"

I'd hope we can still discuss the thing that we are no longer allowed to discuss, within the context of talking about our personal experiences of the thing... who knows though, I fair don't have a clue at the moment

Absolutely, smoking is self-harm. Smoking has become statistically less prevalent across society but other forms of self harm are on the increase. The underlying distress hasn’t gone away, but the responses change according to the times.

I would like, as far as possible, for the sources of distress to be eliminated. I think it is quite important to recognise this stuff is not always caused by a lack of resilience or a mental health problem but by the actual material conditions of women being distressing and the likelihood of things changing being low.

It is turning things in on myself but it is also trying to exist.

I'm not trying to police your language - I think there's enough of that going on. I have a different way of explaining that - I was targeted and conditioned from infanthood by the dominator in my family, plus the system that supports him, to blame myself for anything that went wrong within the family unit, according to his and their criteria.

Absolutely, Offred. I believe that a lot of so-called mental health diagnoses are merely window dressing of victim blaming. The pharmaceutical industry is, of course, a prime culprit here.

Oh yes, smoking as a form of self harm, I absolutely relate to that, and the risky behaviours, and everything on the original list.

this stuff is not always caused by a lack of resilience or a mental health problem but by the actual material conditions of women being distressing and the likelihood of things changing being low.

Definitely. But it is viewed as a mental health problem with drugs and therapy to make you better able to bear the material conditions.

woman - a lot of us will have struggled with the distress of trying to live up to impossible roles written for us by our families. Our families were often well meaning. But very misguided.

I think you can discuss the thing that we can't name as it's your experience - but whether you can name your natal sex is another quandary /s - oh the mess they create by bending over backwards.

Seriously it just crossed my mind - my fear - so let's not put any more barriers in our way. :)

X post user

My coping mechanisms are still shit.

woman - a lot of us will have struggled with the distress of trying to live up to impossible roles written for us by our families. Our families were often well meaning. But very misguided.

Absolutely agree - and as I said earlier I consider the mental health industry to be part of society's victim blaming in the main - whilst the abusers get off un-named and scot-free - a bit like what's happening on here with the new Rules

Something vaguely similar was discussed a few weeks back, re the tendency to negatively refer to "cluster B's" - which unfairly includes borderline (often female) alongside the other types that take advantage of them. Especially given it is more likely that they will seek and have an official diagnosis

coping mechanisms are still shit

I think that's hard on yourself if you don't mind me saying. Often as women who have been very harmed, the expectations of society etc are quite unrealistic. We are expected to cope without reasonable adjustments in place. It's very difficult and deep work to change behaviours and beliefs laid down in early years, and many never get the chance to get the appropriate help. I am sure you are doing your very best, as I do and others do - it's hard to live up to my internal, unreasonable expectations- we're all works in progress

My coping mechanisms become damaging when I’m being expected to cope with things I can’t cope with - as with everyone I imagine!

The problem is the assumption that the problem always lies in brain chemistry or emotional resilience rather than examining whether material conditions are objectively intolerable and whether the maladaptive coping mechanisms are a rational reaction.

(also consider how many of those women actually don't have BPD but have been labelled with it for appropriately reacting to shit circumstances, or due to poor understanding of female presentation of autism)

Fortunate, so are mine, but if you're alive then they're working