BACK STORY - ONLY READ IF YOU'RE INTERESTED - It's my daughter's graduation (MSc) in July. The last time I officially saw my (stbex)H was almost 2 years ago at her BSc graduation which fell exactly a month after him informing me that he no longer loved me and was leaving me after 33 years together (26 married) for a much younger Thai lady with smaller boobs, and a smaller bum! (Purely for a historical correctness I did see him month later for the same daughter's 21st where, unfortunately, I begged him to reconsider)😳😥. When I got home I swore I
a) would never do that again (and haven't)
b) wouldn't see him again - unreasonable cos of our kids but have insisted on it so far!

It's now DD2's second graduation. She has 3 tickets. I've said that unfortunately whilst I am definitely getting there I'm still not ready to go through that again. Equally, despite both of us trying really hard, she really felt the tension at her first graduation and doesn't want to have to go through that again either.

I've backed out and said to let her father have the day (he works in Iraq - though obviously not at the moment) so she doesn't get to see him that often and I am doing my best to accommodate etc and actually we've reached a point where we co-parent via text really well (So I do the bulk but he occasionally steps in - but having been the child of divorced parents I have reinforced, to our kids, that they must have time with their father and that both of us love them). But she wants us both. So instead I've suggested that she spend the day with him and I will sneak in and watch her graduate. She's agreed to this. BUT this IS NOT AN AIBU - I am getting there but am frustrated at how slow this all is - I was really. blindsided by it all. It doesn't help that we're still not divorced (he's fighting everything) and thus I'm still in limbo hell.

READ FROM HERE FOR HELPING ME FIND AN OUTFIT.
I need something that makes me believe I look like a million pounds. I will be 57 on the day and am 5ft 3 with a very short torso (so no outfits that are belted around the waist as they simply don't suit me). I have large breasts (30 GG) which can easily look awful (having breast fed 4 kids I HAVE to wear a bra as they now point almost straight down). This means I look good in Empire Line OR body form.

Being short means that many midi dresses are actually maxi on me, but I'm good at hemming. I bought this:

Which made me feel wonderful. But it appears a) she's mortified/horrified as someone my age shouldn't be wearing this (so obviously felt I looked like mutton) and b) she's wearing either yellow or green. She's actually gone and bought something almost identical.

With the currently sunshine (hopefully) I tan very easily and am going olive skinned.

My budget is a maximum of £150.00

I really can't find anything that will make me feel wonderful.

We have a junior in our office who’s only been with us about three months and is still on probation, where the expectation is mostly office-based work. They briefly mentioned in passing at one point that they might travel overseas, but there was never any proper discussion or approval before the trip was booked.

They’ve now come back and advised the trip is already booked and confirmed for nearly a month overseas, in a time zone 10 hours away. They proposed a range of adjusted working arrangements, including shortened hours and overnight work, so they can continue working remotely while away.

I haven’t approved the shortened hours or alternative arrangements and have asked them to demonstrate how they realistically intend to maintain service levels and cope with working nights while effectively on holiday overseas.

I am a lot WTAF to four weeks of leave for someone who has only been with the business a matter of months and is still in probation.

AIBU to think this is request is out of order?

Long story short, I’ve had my current number for years and there’s a bit of emotional baggage attached to it now due to family boundary issues / people having access to it who I don’t really want having access anymore (posted about the situation a few days ago).

I’d already been considering changing it, but every replacement number EE offered me felt worse than my current one, so I kept saying no.

Today they offered me a “gold/VIP” number with triple 7s in it that I genuinely really like and would actually prefer to my current number. Problem is, it costs £102.

I know logically it’s “just a phone number” but equally people keep numbers for years and years, and if I’m going to go through the faff of changing it, I almost feel like I’d rather do it properly and actually like the new number.

Part of me thinks “life’s short, just get the number you want.”

Another part thinks “£102 for digits is objectively insane.”

AIBU?

Hi all,
been a silent lurker but now need advice or to be told ‘ you are being unreasonable’

We (partner and 3 children) own a lovely home and both wok hard and have a presentable home because of this.
In my partners culture they often bring their parents in with them, to give a multigenerational upbringing to their children. My MIL is lovely, can’t do any more for us and is the best you could wish for, however, we have built her a garden house (like a static caravan) and she is slowly wrecking it. She is a hoarder (always has been but we never visited her, she always done the visiting) and is making our home embarrassing. She leaves rubbish/food/dirt everywhere, parks her car whenever she likes rather than considerately often blocking us in or out and is just very very lazy so buys lots of food and items, never packs them away, then goes and buys more. Doesn’t sweep, lets food rot, you name it!

She doesn’t pay anything to contribute and has the family home she is renting out, although she is in her 70’s so managed by her children she receives the finances. Everytime we go in the garden, i’m met with rubbish and smells which wasn’t a problem before she moved in, making me now not want to go outside which inadvertently means she takes up ‘more’ space as it’s unused. I’m talking filled bin bags that haven’t found the big bin yet, but then get ripped and go everywhere.

if I had my way, she would move out. i’ve tried being nice and telling her to clean, DH has also although he is a people pleaser. She is a hoarder and genuinely see’s no wrong with how she lives.

YABU- it’s his mum and his culture, don’t argue try and live with it
YANBU- ifs your home she has moved into. She needs to live how you do….

Thanks

Im with a group of mum friends at a food court. We all go off to different kiosks. Order our food. We find an available table.

I order from a Thai cuisine, a noodle dish and some chips for the little one.

I pick up the food, put toddler in highchair, put the chips infront of her. I’m about to take my first serving of noodles and baby kicks the chips all over the floor.

The chips cost £5. One of the mums says that it’s been less than 5 mins and they didn’t touch the chips, I should be able to ask for a replacement.

So I go to the kiosk, politely explain that I was just here and the baby annoyingly dropped all the chips. I show them the picture (we are sitting on the other end of the food court).

They say no. But I plead a little bit - I do have a soft voice so I’m being nice. Then they go on and on about how every mum will be asking for freebies. I should pay for another one. And I should go to another one of their stores who would provide me free chips.

Turns out she was also the manager.

I worked in waitressing many years ago, and honestly, we would have just given a portion of chips. Id be hesitant if it was the whole meal - but a couple of chips for a baby?

Was I being unreasonable?

A friend thinks that it’s a ripoff but it seems like a pretty good deal to me and I’m curious to know what it would cost in your area?

12 inch pizza with two toppings. Fish and chips for one(Two pieces of fish) A portion of chips, a portion of onion rings and a 2 litre bottle of Coke?

TIA

An off-site activity has been pencilled in for 4 days in a row. The venue is about a 15 minute drive away from the school, more at peak times. Public transport exists but is not frequent and will add considerable time.

The children are to be split into 2 sessions. For one, the children need to be dropped at the venue every day by their parents. For the other, they need to be picked up from the venue every day.

We have to confirm and pay for the activity before they will tell us which group our child has been assigned to and what the actual pick up and drop off times are. There is no flex on this at all because it all depends on numbers apparently.

Add to this that some children have siblings attending another off site activity on the same day, again with parents required to collect from a (different) off site venue.

I am left with absolutely no idea whether we can accomodate this around work / the sibling and/or make arrangements with other parents who are equally in the dark. So I can either say no outright, leaving a very disappointed child, or say yes and potentially lose my money if it turns out we can’t do make it work.

I love that the school is trying to provide enrichment, but really feeling the parental guilt with this one!

State school.

AIBU?

As the title says. DH away abroad with some friends. Checked life 360 this morning and showed he had spent 59 minutes in a Thai massage place. Took all the screenshots and sent a friend. It’s not on Google but on street view with a number. It’s not looking good is it??

How ready do you get to do the school run? Assuming you are going back home afterwards (I WFH).

As in which of the following do you do?

Shower
Dress in something better than leggings
Hair
Make up
etc

I tend to be quite minimal - I’m always dressed in proper clean clothes (not PJs!) but beyond that I don't make much effort.

Are we heading for a record cold May. Dh is lighting the log burner again,

I have 4 weddings to go to this summer, so I’m looking for a dress that I can wear to all of them.
I’ve fallen in love with this one, but is it too white/cream: https://www.theoutnet.com/en-gb/shop/product/zimmermann/dresses/midi-dresses/floral-print-lace-paneled-cotton-voile-midi-dress/46376663162888639

I wouldn’t choose white or cream accessories, and for the church wedding I’d wear a sage coloured jacket with it.

It definitely isn’t bridal, but is it still too white?

My dd is not coming home from uni this summer, even though the holidays 4 months long. All my friends’ children are; all over social media I see posts about not long until they come home and his all these parents can’t wait. We had such a lovely summer last year - a holiday, spa days , lunches and shopping. I had it in my head I’d get two or three more summers until she had a full time job and would move away.
I was getting so excited and now I feel so down about it. I keep thinking I am literally the person paying for her rent in her uni city and I have paid to make myself this unhappy.

Estate agent coming round next week. I’ve got a big pile of stuff for Vinted. I lack time and enthusiasm for this. I should just take to charity shop shouldn’t I.
Am I being unreasonable and I should put on Vinted?

Kate’s skin looking remarkably radiant & taut, Just botox (?) Asking for a friend…

I was in a supermarket , at the till. There was an elderly couple in front of me. The man was dressed smartly, the lady looked awful, she had greasy hair which stuck to her head, ulcers on her legs, she was hunched over the trolley using it to hold herself up and she smelt absolutely awful, very strongly of urine and body odour.

As soon as they’d been served and walked away a member of staff appeared and sprayed room spray all around where they’d been standing, he pulled a disgusted face as did the lady on the till who then turned to me and laughed. I didn’t react.

I just felt awful for that lady. I’m recently disabled myself and I can easily see how without the correct support you can end up like this. You are so vulnerable. The staff members were relatively young, probably not had enough life experience to see anything other than a smelly woman.

Just wanted to share really, it made me so sad.

Time for another thread. Spring and Summer releases are trickling out to tempt us AND the advent calendar waitlists are appearing...hope you are all feeling suitably Christmassy. 😂

Thanks everyone who continues to contribute to the chatter and welcome to any newbies who want to join in.

I once asked a member of the Senior Team if she had dyed her hair.
Apparently this was very rude.

Hello I'm always self conscious about my nose and concealer comes off and I'm re applying several times a day I used Rimmel sick

Is there any concealer that will stay put in summer and longer term is there anything medically I can do thanks

I was a few days late submitting my Tax Return due to being in hospital last year and as result I was charged £100 late filing penalty.

AIBU to think that Angela Rayner should have to pay interest and penalties for underpayment of Stamp Duty. This makes me so fucking angry.

Thank you all a million for continuing to support me, it means everything to me.

If you had to provide snacks in a rented home for 4 days for 30 people and wanted them to be really inexpensive what would you choose?

Context: family rental for 4 days in October the cost covered by the invitees.

We have been allocated snacks for 4 days as our contribution and we are trying to disguise that we have a very very small budget. Financially we are really struggling. The exact brief was a 'snack basket for each room'

There are three main meals a day, but from seeing what people are planning for these some are really light. Yogurt and fruits for breakfast and sandwiches for lunch. We are in charge of the snacks so expect people maybe hungry.

Looking for really cheap and filling snacks. We have more time than money so we can shop from multiple stores.

What sort of budget should we set aside and what would you recommend?

Is this normal lol

two little kids (2 and 5) never know what to do with them or how to fill the time. Everywhere is busy and expensive. But if you stay home it’s awful.

Was wondering what people recommend please. I would like some thick soled, durable, comfy black trainers for everyday wear. Would consider platform ones if they’re not too heavy. I’m thinking Sketchers or New Balance

Meg n Harry giving us plenty to talk about as usual…..

I don't know if I'm just overly hormonal and sensitive or right to be annoyed and pissed off - or both!

My son is turning 5 next month and I'm expecting our second child a few weeks later. He is moving bedrooms into his big boy room, finishing full-time nursery, starting school and gaining a sibling all in the space of 2 months. I'm eager to make this transition as smooth and positive as possible.

I'm someone who puts a lot of time and thought into choosing presents and get so much happiness and satisfaction from giving gifts.

For his birthday we agreed his new room would be a kind of present (it has cost a fair amount with a new bed, wardrobe and furnishings) but it's a necessity as much as anything and I don't think it's really a present in a kids eyes - it's certainly not a surprise as all the furniture has to be put together in advance. The new bike would be his main gift and we would get a few additional small bits (a book/small Lego set). I measured, chose and ordered all the room stuff and small gifts. We've started building the furniture so we don't have to live surrounded by a million IKEA boxes.

I was meeting a friend this morning and DH said he'd take him down to the second hand cycle shop this morning to get him measured up for a bike. I said to let me know if he saw anything suitable and I could go down later and pay/collect it so it would be ready for his birthday while keeping it a surprise.

I came home to find my son eagerly awaiting his first bike ride on his new bike that they'd bought and brought home.

I feel gutted I didn't get any input into his main gift, that he's gotten it a month early and will only have little things to open on his birthday unless I buy more (which, staring down the barrel of Stat. maternity pay I can't really afford).

Must husband is a minimalist and not especially sentimental. He doesn't care about gifts and doesn't see the issue.
I worry about my son being disappointed only having a couple of small things to open on his birthday - something that feels important to him and he's been talking about for ages.

I don't feel like I'll have as much time to spend with him after the baby is born or be able to do as much for him and I want him to feel special and loved on his birthday. I am super pregnant, hormonal and physically struggling to do the fun, active things he wants to do at the moment so I already feel like a shit mum not being able to give as much to him in terms of time and effort as I usually am and knowing this will continue after a c section and new baby through a big period of transition for him.

Is it unreasonable of me to be mad and disappointed about this?
Any ideas about how I can still make this super special for him without spending a fortune? I'm still planning to make a cake and special meal for him and do something nice (but affordable) together on his birthday day.