Work meetings clashing with school pick-up are making me anxious

[LiquoriceAllsorts2]

I have received several meetings that clash with the time that I need to collect my kids. Where possible I have tried to make it work and have my husband collect but there is a couple that I can’t make work due to him being away. I will tell work I can’t make it and will need to leave early but I feel so anxious that it will reflect badly on me and hate that I have been put in this position.

feels that however hard I work, sometimes it just can’t be enough.

dont know what I am looking for really, just want to rant and get my frustrations out. I hate that this needs to be an issue.

I work for a PLc, one of the top 5 employers in the country (by size of workforce)

there are no core/ set hours in senior manager contracts in my company.

So the work will work around an employee? Eh?

I just wanted to say that I empathise with you, I can really relate to the constant juggle/ anxiety that I am letting people down etc.
A colleague was very helpful in reassuring me that my thoughts are not facts, and that no-one has actually said anything negative about me (as far as they are aware!)
I actually think it is helpful to enforce boundaries, and it is especially important to model to junior colleagues (including the people that I manage) the importance of boundaries, and having a work-life balance. I try to hold that in mind when I have to say no to things!

You have my sympathy, I remember this stage of life so well. FWIW my kids have grown up now (successfully) and I still have a job and at least half a brain. It is so tough but you are also tough and you will survive.

I remember creating pre-emptive meetings. When I knew I had a crunch point (eg husband away) I’d create meetings with people to take up their availability meaning twatty organisers could not invite them (and therefore me). Obviously you then have to run a meeting you never needed that’s very efficient and finishes early because you are so amazing. Project Updates usually. Hi everyone, what do you think of this, lovely all done early! Byeeeee!!! I didn’t do it too often but it was a life saver sometimes.

I love this ! Pre-emptive meetings ! I would also say make sure at least 1 day a week DH is on pick up so ypu can be very visibly on site at 5:30/6pm agree it shouldn't be necessary but can be useful.

Do you (could you?) put your working hours in your email footer - assuming your office and wfh days are fixed? Easier to push back on the meeting that ends at 6 that way…

The wfh/office days are not fixed. I probably average 3 days a week in the office but some weeks it will only be 2 whilst others will be 4. I decide based on what makes sense that week/ my agenda/ what meetings I have that week etc.

I wish people on this thread would stop saying ''restraints" when they mean "constraints".

Sorry, as you were.

I would try to fix these at least in principle or it is just endless shifting sands.

You need to say something, it is quite rude of them
to put regular meetings so late unless there is a legitimate business need (eg they are for a shop and they need to be after opening hours).

People can choose to work late but meetings should not run past 5pm

You just need to block your diary out on the days you need to leave at a certain time. Work with your husband so he does his fair share of pick ups and then just stand firm.

Women are conditioned to be overly accommodating at work. If a man declined a meeting because he had to do the school run he’d probably get applauded.

Assuming you work hard and achieve results, your career should not suffer.

Does your company have a “our employees are our most valuable asset” type statement somewhere you can lean on if you have to?

Just block the time in your calendar. You don't have to say why. Then if they try to arrange meetings for those times, they'll be rejected.

That’s true, but then creates issues for people who do have other commitments. Given you don’t have core hours across the board I’d suggest agreeing set hours (at least on certain days) with either your line manager or HR, whoever handles that. Then everyone has clear expectations, and you save yourself this anxiety. Otherwise it’s not going to ease and you could end up being seen as someone who says no (which is unappealing) rather than someone with fixed availability (which is reasonable).

On top of the nursery for the little one and the after school wrap around care?

What types of similar situation?

@EarringsandLipstick

ypu work in a university! Try the corporate world. It’s very different

OP, how stressful: i expect this is a common problem.

work and school hours just do not tally

it sounds like you more than do your hours. You work in an agile way, logging on after the kids are in bed

the employer should offer you flexibility in return

I think the poster was making a more general point in this regard (and a fair one at a general population level, in my view)

I don't see dozens of posters saying she's a slacker and it's her problem because she's skiving off at 3.30. Maybe read the thread?

Could you attend the meeting but with the caveat that you’ll need to leave at 5? Saying you’ll catch up when the minutes are distributed? I’m not sure what type of business you’re in, just trying to be creative.

Genius!

I confess to putting in the occasional fictional meeting rather than blocking time as the system then would show a meeting rather than self blocking time

@LiquoriceAllsorts2 💐
I’ve read all your posts and came to say I completely sympathise.
I was in a similar position when mine were small; a demanding senior job, no family to help, partner with ‘more important job’ so childcare fell to me…
In the end I got an after-school nanny whose hours were 3.15 to 7.45 and it worked out cheaper in the long run than the wrap around care. The kids were happy, I was far less stressed and could concentrate on work of an afternoon rather than panicking about pick ups and after school activities. Might be worth doing some research.
it doesn’t feel like it right now, but it will get easier x

I really feel for the OP.

I work in a completely different sector with exactly the same issues. It’s salary with no contracted hours but an expectation that you are available for meetings. You can’t just block your diary because if that’s the bosses availability, the expectation is you make it work. This isn’t helped by the fact that the set up is basically premised on the fact that the working person isn’t the primary caregiver.

I have no answers but I’m sending love and solidarity. My husband has been away this week so I’ve been sprinting between school and nursery drop offs to work and back and catching up later. Tomorrow I start early and finish late so my husband will cover but he flies home tonight so we won’t have had a meaningful conversation for over a week and it’s rubbish.

What I would say is that most of the pressure is in my head. Whenever I’ve not been able to attend, it’s been fine. I’ve just hated it. So I would say you keep juggling but you also give yourself grace - likely the impact is worse in your head than in reality.

I’d start declining meetings and ask HR or leadership about setting core hours for meetings. You won’t be the only person with this issue and being the one to raise it shows leadership when it comes to work culture. Have more confidence in yourself that you can raise it without it jeopardising your job

Try speaking to your boss about flexible working. You may be able to come to an agreement on working hours that suit you both - compressed hours, earlier starts/earlier finishes, reduced hours. Maybe after school clubs would be a good solution as well.