Questioning new job after horrible incident

[throwawayworkissue]

I am only a few weeks into a new role and already questioning whether I’ve made a mistake.

I raised a pretty basic contractual/HR query with the relevant person and got a completely disproportionate response,they were verbally aggressive, raised voice/shouting, threatening to worsen my conditions/change my contract (not in this persons power but they seem to like to think their power is bigger than it is). Their phsyical manner was such I thought this person was actually going to get physical. I held it together but was in floods of tears after. It is a very uncomfortable situation over something that should have been a normal conversation.

I’ve escalated it, not really by choice as the incident was overheard and I was asked what happened, and the bosses (small business) have acknowledged it and said they’ll come back to me, but have also made it clear this person is very long-standing, so I’m not expecting much to change. I was warned when I started by other staff that this person was difficult and to pay them no attention, but apparently the way they behaved with me was a notch higher than their usual ways, though a few people have told me this person left another woman in tears. I am about 30 years their junior and just in the door so as you can imagine this was really intimidating and I feel I'll never be able to settle there now.

Feels like I will be asked to just work around them, but I guess how the company reacts will tell me what I need to know. This person isn't due to be in the office for a couple of weeks.

I’m conscious I’m earlyish in my career (recent change), I want a supportive environment, but equally don’t want to jump ship too quickly and explain this on my cv. I've thrown the feelers out about some other roles but really don't know what to do.

Help, I'm really down about the whole thing.

Nothing, just a normal day at work. I think all bosses are due to be in today, but no one has mentioned it to me since. So I still feel super anxious.

I gave my notice for a temporary position! Insecure employment is preferable. I feel so freeeeeee.

Get out of there as fast as you can. I had similar and stayed 4 years, which was 4 years of absolute hell. I was warned from the start that this man was extremely difficult to work with and it ended up with him physically threatening me. He was a big guy and he leaned over my desk one morning, spitting at me as he spoke and told me when his meeting finished I'd "had it". The previous week he'd made threats towards me which were overheard by a visitor to our offices, who asked if I was OK and wanted to report him but I was so used to being downtrodden and verbally abused by then, that I just accepted his behavior towards me. Also, he was one of the directors and I thought complaining would backfire on me. However, when he actually threatened me I was terrified and walked out during the working day, never to return. I'd been physically and mentally abused by my ex dh, which he knew about due to his position, he'd found out I'd had a change of name and I'd told him I was divorced and I stupidly told him why when he asked. I think he saw me as an easy victim. It nearly ruined my life working there and best thing I ever did was walking out.

Congratulations! I did the same shortly after getting ranted at and having all my faults pointed out by an awful manager. The irony was that most of the things she said were pure projection but at the time I was fresh out of an abusive relationship like @Pilgrimlady so I just stood there and took it.

She handed her notice in a week after I did, which was frustrating, but the other managers had given me no support when she was behaving badly and so I just decided to cut my losses and get out of there. No regrets.

Well done! How did your work take it?

Not well.

A week and a half after the incident my mother died after a long illness (long illness but the end was quick) so I took a few weeks off. Nobody had mentioned the incident to me in the week and a half. The day I went back to work I got the call about the temporary position so handed my notice in the same day and told them why. They asked me to sleep on it and I did to appear reasonable and then I got an almighty guilt trip about the cost of hiring me, how well I was doing, the opportunities that exist in the firm bright future and all the rest of it and I thought nah fuck this and tbh that's what solidified my decision. I don't think they realise that it doesn't matter what they do about this person, it's about what she symbolises and the firms approach to difficult issues (refuse to deal and let them get out of hand).

sorry to read others have been treated similarly, I'm so glad you've all escaped.

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. I think a new start is a good idea, anywhere that keeps someone like that on is not somewhere you want to be! I hope the new job is great.

So sorry to hear about your mum. I hope you’re keeping okay 💐

Please don’t feel guilty about leaving the job. Life happens. People get new jobs and then leave not long after starting -it happens all the time! I’ve done it myself.

Fingers crossed the new role is a lot better. Even if it’s temporary it’s still experience and you never know what opportunities it could bring.

I’m sorry for your loss. TBH losing my mum was a catalyst for not putting up with work bullshit any more; I decided life was too short to stay in jobs that made me unhappy. All the best for your new role!

Good for you . Never tell anyone in the workplace you have been bullied or abused because they will see you as a soft weak target . I learned myself the hard way .

@Starrystarrybright@Starrystarrybright@Starrystarrybrightyes, that's good advice. He was the finance director and dealt with pensions, salaries etc I had to provide birth and marriage certificate and he saw I'd been previously married. He commented how people didn't give their marriages a proper go these days and he'd never known someone so young to be divorced (early 20s). I, stupidly, remarked that I'd had enough of being used as a verbal and physical punchbag and that's why I'd divorced him. I can now see that was like a red rag to a bull and he saw me as someone who did not deserve to be respected.

I think you need to go to your bosses and get angry. Say you gave up a paid role to join their company and it is totally unacceptable to have to deal with this unprofessional threats and intimidating behaviour. You need to clamp down hard at the start. Else it becomes the norm for you.

I think so too . What have you got to lose . You’re thinking of leaving anyway because of this person .