Questioning new job after horrible incident

[throwawayworkissue]

I am only a few weeks into a new role and already questioning whether I’ve made a mistake.

I raised a pretty basic contractual/HR query with the relevant person and got a completely disproportionate response,they were verbally aggressive, raised voice/shouting, threatening to worsen my conditions/change my contract (not in this persons power but they seem to like to think their power is bigger than it is). Their phsyical manner was such I thought this person was actually going to get physical. I held it together but was in floods of tears after. It is a very uncomfortable situation over something that should have been a normal conversation.

I’ve escalated it, not really by choice as the incident was overheard and I was asked what happened, and the bosses (small business) have acknowledged it and said they’ll come back to me, but have also made it clear this person is very long-standing, so I’m not expecting much to change. I was warned when I started by other staff that this person was difficult and to pay them no attention, but apparently the way they behaved with me was a notch higher than their usual ways, though a few people have told me this person left another woman in tears. I am about 30 years their junior and just in the door so as you can imagine this was really intimidating and I feel I'll never be able to settle there now.

Feels like I will be asked to just work around them, but I guess how the company reacts will tell me what I need to know. This person isn't due to be in the office for a couple of weeks.

I’m conscious I’m earlyish in my career (recent change), I want a supportive environment, but equally don’t want to jump ship too quickly and explain this on my cv. I've thrown the feelers out about some other roles but really don't know what to do.

Help, I'm really down about the whole thing.

If the response is basically, that’s what they’re like, work around them.

Leave.

i once stayed at a company knew week 1 was toxic because I felt it would look bad on my CV and I’d had a couple of short term contract before that.
working there ruined my mental health for a while and when I finally left, no one gave a shit about my previous short term roles.

One of the things I regret is that I always felt like I had to be cravenly grateful for a job and put up with any old shit. That was partly my upbringing where I was taught that a job, any job, was the holy grail of existence.

It's kept me in situations that have been actively harmful to me for longer than i ought.

(I'm not sure my grammar is right with that last sentence. I'm tired, and I've had a rum and coke).

Oh- and one of the best pieces of job-related advice I heard (on MN actually) was 'It's okay to sack your employer too'.

I sacked my employer. They were shite.

Similar here. I was so grateful for a job. Ironically,it took a decent manager who boosted my confidence to finally motivate myself to move on. After years of shit managers who treated and spoke to me like crap. I was demoralised I think.

Please tell us what industry you are in, a) so that others in it can confirm or deny your assertion and b) we can avoid it.

Look for another job. In the meantime, if this happens again, tell this bully straight you're not going to put up with their nonsense. But, there's usually always one in every workplace. Never tolerate it.

I would be cautious about doing this. She will turn it round on you (people like that always do)

Boring - everyone thinks their industry is the most stressful. All industries contain nightmare people who can't manage their own behaviour.

Quite, I would also be keen to know so that I can avoid industries that attract shitty aggressive behaviour and a lack of perspective. I should think it's some kind of professional services industry where 45-year-olds get high off screaming at grads for having used the wrong font on page 19 of some shitty deliverable they're shilling to another waste of time corporate entity?

Exactly. Some people are arseholes. And even arseholes have to work for a living.

This being the social media generation... if she traps you in your room again, start live streaming her and call out to let you out of the office to alert colleagues... or Pick up the phone and dial a colleague (pref in HR) or the boss and put on loud speaker

I agree with the others saying start job hunting now. It can be absolutely soul destroying to have to put up with an aggressor in the workplace like this one. And she could end up causing damage to your career. Sorry this happened to you OP

Don't quit your job in a recession.

I worked with a woman like this who used to start fights and start shit with me in front of the kids we were meant to be teaching swimming, called me flat chested and tried to humiliate me in front of colleagues. They probably can't be arsed with a tribunal because she's been there so long. She made my job pretty miserable and my attempts at making inroads with her never succeeded. Don't leave until you have something else lined up.

Crispin Odey got away with it for years.

I'd get the hell out of there @throwawayworkissue

I had a very similar issue some years ago and only started to regain confidence in my abilities after I'd been out of that workplace for a couple of years.

The reason for that was I stayed in the job for far too long, when I should have immediately fixed up another role, and left my bully waaaaaay behind me.

Cut your losses. And very best of luck to you.

If this happens again, grab your phone and immediately start video recording her. Tell her, I'm now recording this interaction. She'll either immediately wind her neck in, or you'll have some evidence should this ever end up in a tribunal etc.

I worked somewhere for 2 weeks once - it never went on my CV and no one ever asked about it. It’s a complete non-issue if you leave.

Whatever you do don’t stay - no job is worth being treated like shit. If you can afford to, quit straight away and spend all your time job hunting.

The OP has only been in the job a few weeks - unless its involving a protected characteristic, how would it end up in a tribunal?

I was going to say, I don't plan to stay long enough for a Tribunal to be relevant. Still good advice though for longer standing people who are in similar situations though.

I do have a protected characteristic as it happens, I have a disability under the relevant legislation but I don't think this person is even aware of that, they're just a massive twat regardless 😂 So no protections for me in this situation.

I think it really depends how much you have to deal with her. If for example your holiday system is automated and she presses a button to say yes (sorry if I’ve misunderstood her role) , it might not be too bad. If you have to actually contact and deal with her on a regular basis it may be horrific.

But you would have to prove that you were being treated badly because of that disability. It sounds like she treats everyone like that so not sure how that would be possible. (ETA - just re-read last line of OP’s post so ignore this 🙈🙈)

Is it all worth the hassle? Weak management and vile staff - are you still on probation? It is supposed to give you the chance to see if the job is suited to you as well as whether you are suited to the job. Therefore no future employer is going to judge you leaving after such a small amount of time.

Yeah like I say she definitely doesn't know I'm disabled so no relevance she's just horrible. An equal opportunities dickhead.

I will definitely be leaving, I've been thinking about it all day.

In answer to other questions I would have to actually ask her 'Hi can I please book off x day' and all the rest. Fuck that for a game of soldiers I cannot have any level of interaction with her. Not just because she's scary but because she actually makes me feel like doing violence in the workplace which is very out of character for me 😂