Questioning new job after horrible incident

[throwawayworkissue]

I am only a few weeks into a new role and already questioning whether I’ve made a mistake.

I raised a pretty basic contractual/HR query with the relevant person and got a completely disproportionate response,they were verbally aggressive, raised voice/shouting, threatening to worsen my conditions/change my contract (not in this persons power but they seem to like to think their power is bigger than it is). Their phsyical manner was such I thought this person was actually going to get physical. I held it together but was in floods of tears after. It is a very uncomfortable situation over something that should have been a normal conversation.

I’ve escalated it, not really by choice as the incident was overheard and I was asked what happened, and the bosses (small business) have acknowledged it and said they’ll come back to me, but have also made it clear this person is very long-standing, so I’m not expecting much to change. I was warned when I started by other staff that this person was difficult and to pay them no attention, but apparently the way they behaved with me was a notch higher than their usual ways, though a few people have told me this person left another woman in tears. I am about 30 years their junior and just in the door so as you can imagine this was really intimidating and I feel I'll never be able to settle there now.

Feels like I will be asked to just work around them, but I guess how the company reacts will tell me what I need to know. This person isn't due to be in the office for a couple of weeks.

I’m conscious I’m earlyish in my career (recent change), I want a supportive environment, but equally don’t want to jump ship too quickly and explain this on my cv. I've thrown the feelers out about some other roles but really don't know what to do.

Help, I'm really down about the whole thing.

@HungryJ what really do you think you are contributing? Just want to feel superior?

I'm glad you have clearly never been in that sort of situation- that's great. But alot of us have and it's awful. So wind your neck in and don't be so supercilious - cos life might turn around and bite you on the arse. It often does to the smug, I find.

this is hardly the truth....are you known to be a manager and abusive btw

I’ve experienced similar and dealt with it like a grown adult.

Yeah I was in tears actually that someone stood between me and an exit, roared at me and made angry /violent gestures. If that wouldn't upset you I'd say you have far too much tension and aggression in your life if you're so used to it and that's more abnormal.

A robust workplace exchange - you’d not last a minute in my industry!

You don't think holding it together when in the middle of the situation and raising it with a line manager is 'dealing with it like a grown adult'. ?

Your industry sounds awful as do you. Now kindly piss off you're adding nothing.

Hear fucking hear.

You’ve made me cry 😢

I’d just start looking for a new job, the way management have failed to deal with this behaviour tells you everything you need to know, it won’t get better - sounds like everyone just puts up with an excuses this person.

I wouldn’t worry about not having been there long, I left a job fairly quickly before and was just honest that the culture wasn’t a good fit for me if asked directly.

Or, you could say it’s a fixed term contract or just leave it off entirely, but whatever you decide don’t put yourself through sticking with it just because you’re worried about how it looks to leave quickly.

I’ve worked with people like this in the past. Sadly they often don’t leave or retire and their behaviour is tolerated and remains unchallenged.

As you’ve just started I highly doubt you’ll get anywhere with an HR complaint, they could make things up about you or speak to colleagues and collude and try to make things so that you eg fail your probation period. Yes, happened to me. Control freak head of EAs in a charity/university type professional organisation. Set me up to fail basically. Didn’t help that it was over covid so induction and training was all online and very patchy. And yes I’ve had the legal stuff twice in 2 different smaller law firms, not necessarily to do with me but with solicitors. You would not believe how they behave! Employment policy was sometimes changed at will to suit employees, no HR at all. Horrendous! If you challenged it you soon knew about it. I was lucky as the boss was one of the partners and his dad worked there as a consultant and I worked for him.

Long story short you’re best off out of there so job search. This job market can be brutal atm though.

This is good advice especially leaving after short time and making it a contract.

equally don’t want to jump ship too quickly and explain this on my cv

Set this aside. You can find another opportunity and move on quickly. Don't build false barriers around yourself.

Oh I like that phrase 'Don't build false barriers around yourself'.

FWIW I now do temp work and just put them down on my CV as 'temporary assignment' then the details. I'm not going back to a full time role any time soon I hope but will just say that the temp work suited my family circumstances at the time (which is perfectly true).

I love this advice. Thank you. I have sounded out some recruiters and will amp it up on Monday.

In what world do you live that this wouldnbe counted as a robust workplace exchange?! I've worked in a variety of sectors and none of them would tolerate abuse, which is what that was, and the blatant unprofessional manner she was spoken to.

No industry should be like this. Bunch of high school bullies that never want to grow out of it.

Terrible specimens of human life. It is not professional and should never be needed to discuss disagreements such as the issue the OP had raised. They wouldn't act the same to someone bigger than them would they? They don't like being told they are wrong, so think they can use intimidation tactics instead.

And not everyone are emotionless robots who can stand having someone unexpectedly screaming at them and not letting them get away. There is no place this is OK, especially the workplace.

Well done OP for not letting the bully in your workplace and this 1 intimate you. Yeah you get out a bit of emotion at the shock, but you are not letting them just take your holiday allowance and get away with it. Just keep applying for new jobs, luckily you won't see her for a couple of weeks. But if between now and when you get a new job, she does this again. At least you won't be taken off guard again. Just let them rant and not say a word. Just stare at them. When they stop ask are you done. Then take it down official channels when they leave the room

This is hideous, but to protect yourself in the future (while you are waiting for your managers / looking for another job) make sure you are not put in that position. Change your room layout if necessary so that if someone comes in, you are always nearest the door, so you can walk out if it escalates. Don't start a conversation with her in her space without a witness / being accompanied. If she objects state clearly that her threatening behaviour previously has left you with no choice. Alternatively, if she makes more 'mistakes', raise them on an email with your manager, citing your unwillingness to deal with her directly because of her previous threats. This may wind her up, when she finds out, so make sure your room is laid out for 'escape'. Shocking to have to suggest this, but sometimes needs must.

From personal experience just start looking for another job.
Small businesses are known for dysfunction.

What industry are you in?

Please tell us your industry - my best friend is in employment litigation and was just mentioning last night that she's looking for more work.

Please don't worry about your CV, @throwawayworkissue
Speaking as a recruiter - though retired now - unless you've left numerous jobs after no time at all it's not going to matter and will look like what it is - an untenable situation

Back when I worked for others I experienced this myself, and only discovered after leaving in the third week that I was the latest in a long line of departures.
Goodness knows what the boss was playing at, but that was for him to sort out rather than employees to endure

HungryJ is just a pathetic troll. Don’t pay attention to the little creep.

Yes, it’s a normal stress response to cry when someone blocks your exit and shouts at you. It’s a healthy release. That’s enough said about that fucking bully in this thread who is so mentally ill, the only way they patch up their squashed little ego is to come belittle people who have genuine questions and waste everyone’s time.

scuttle away, little cockroach.

now.
I’ve been in a situation like this, and as a previous poster said, it is terrible for your health.
I would 1) absolutely minimize contact, and if you have to interact with them, have someone else present.
2) document everything. Which it sounds like you’ve begun, so well done, you!
3) listen to Taylor Swift’s “Father Figure” on repeat. When she turns the tables at the end it’s just so fucking satisfying.
4) yes, ramp up that job search. Something good might come of this.
5) stop any inner language that says “I’m just the new person”. No. From now on, you are a talented person they were lucky to hire, and they’re going to lose you because they’re all afraid to stand up to the toothless, smelly old dog who yaps at everyone because they can’t see anymore.

You can do this. That mangy dog is living out their miserable existence trying to bully everyone around them so no one will notice their mistakes, and you didn’t let it scare you into backing down on what you are owed. So you are strong.

Ps! I’ll tell you what happened with me, in case it inspires:
my health was impacted badly. I got put on 3 months fully paid leave to heal while they investigated the person who bullied me. During my leave, I was offered a job on the other side of the country in a beautiful area; very prestigious job, very good pay, and I gave my leave and bought a house.
I never had to deal with the bully again.

I hope the same happens for you, that you just level up and walk out. 😁

yeah- that person has started another thread that reveals exactly the kind of person they are. It's a bit sad actually, but I doubt she sees it that way.