My work insisting I refer to a 9 year old as they/them

[TheMadGardener]

I work in a British primary school. Just started new term. Long standing pupil, a girl, is starting Year 5 now so she is 9 years old. No issues until now although parents are quite "alternative/new age."

Headteacher has informed staff that according to the child and her parents this girl has decided to be non-binary. Staff are now to refer to her as they/them and she is now using a gender-neutral shortened version of her name (think Alex instead of Alexandra or Jo instead of Joanna).

I am extremely uncomfortable with this and will definitely not be using they/them - I will be referring to the child by her chosen abbreviation to avoid using pronouns (at least it's a shortening of her real name rather than a made-up name).

Serious question: I thought new legislation discouraged schools from getting on board with this sort of thing? Or is it only they can't let children do it without parents knowing?

I'm finding it very hard to keep my mouth shut on my actual opinions in the presence of headteacher. (Colleagues I've spoken to on the quiet all think it is bullshit too)

Or everyone is.

In that case you open a can of worms for everyone else.

Is sex a feeling, rather than a physical reality?

What does it mean to feel like a boy or a girl or neither? How do I know what ‘feels’ like a girl?

If I like things that are more associated with boys, does that mean I’m not a girl? Them were right back to enforcing gender stereotypes.

The whole thing is crazy and deeply regressive

If it ‘runs deeper’ what is it exactly?

But they're not acting as though they've forgotten. They would be using the pronouns the child is asking for. No different to a nickname.
Kids don't care about gender politics.
There's no reason for the OP to force their beliefs on a child. Part of being a teacher is respecting each child's background.

Nine isn't that young. If it's all rubbish then so what?! Nobody is talking about surgery.
Adults should be capable of being flexible and a teacher should be respectful of a child's request.

Either no one is non-binary if it is based on sex as sex is binary and immutable

or if based on gender then arguably everyone in the world is non-binary

either way it is meaningless

and pronouns are based on sex - the child was born a girl will still be a girl, will always be a girl - so her pronouns are she and her

not difficult to teach the truth!

I assume if you're on here that you can read. Perhaps you could look into it if it's an area you're curious about. I don't think I could completely deny something exists unless I actually looked into it. If you aren't willing to accept it then at least see if there's any evidence or if your opinion is just bigotry.

Of course pronouns are different to a nick name.

Pronouns are part of shared language conventions which help us all make sense of the world.

What are we suggesting to the other children by avoiding sex based pronouns? That this child is somehow not the sex they are?

That poor child, to have the misfortune of such addled parents. They or them refers to a group of two or more and so unless the child is a conjoined twin I would use the name he or she is known by.

That analogy doesn’t work. A person’s name is their name. Pronouns are ordinary sex-based words in the English language, not individual names allocated to particular people.

My children have been told that they are not required to state something they do not believe to be true in order to validate somebody else’s identity. To force them to do so is cruel to them. I don’t care about the delusional child and alleged “kindness” to them.

Disagreement is not cruelty, and children should not be taught that it is.

Well true

Where? I can’t wait to hear about all these people who claimed to be both sexes at once/no sex at all.

Are the other children ‘instructed’ to pretend ‘Alex’ is neither a boy nor a girl?

I’m very curious about and I’ve read lots.

It doesn’t stand up to any scrutiny.

As I said earlier, if it’s referencing sex, no one is non binary.

If it’s referencing gender, everyone is non binary.

So what does this child actually mean do you think?

Again, it is different to a nickname. If anything it it the child (or rather the parents) who are forcing their beliefs onto the OP. It is the OP who is being asked to change how they naturally speak, not the child!

And you could be absolutely right, but this child has asked for this very minor request. It's not for us to decide whether it's true or not. Sometimes you just have to let things play out.

Me too.

I just don't think that anyone should be coerced into saying they believe in something they don't, or using language they are not comfortable with, or tacitly colluding in an ideology they believe it be harmful by being made to use 'preferred pronouns'.

How anyone else identifies is up to them. What I believe is up to me.

I am extremely uncomfortable with having to identify women by their marital status eg Mrs and Miss. Their marital status is irrelevant to me and I’d prefer to call them Ms. But as I hope for respect in my role (NHS) I obviously have to show respect and use the person’s preferred prefix.
If you choose not to respect their choice, don’t expect respect for yours.

It’s absolutely not a ‘minor request’ if it has the potential to unleash all of that.

Its very important to think through the second level, third level consequences of our actions.

They aren't forcing their beliefs on to the OP. They are telling the OP something they are asking them to respect. It's no different to a child of a particular religion. A teacher doesn't say to all the Christian children there's no scientific or legal basis for God existing therefore your beliefs are rubbish. They just accept that is their belief even if it's not their own. This isn't difficult to grasp.

Really not sure what you think a neutral title has to do with using language to suggest that this child is somehow not a girl.

Yes the second level consequence of misgendering a child is very significant when it is deliberate.

It’s not very minor. It’s actually very difficult to deny the evidence of your own ears and eyes, bad enough when it’s only one person but when multiple people are expecting you to indulge this horseshit it’s even worse

Children are easily led and vulnerable, that's why we have safeguarding.

But that’s total nonsense, isn’t it?

What the consequences of telling this child ‘you will always be female, but it is important to know there is no right or wrong way to be female, you are perfect exactly as you are’?