My work insisting I refer to a 9 year old as they/them

[TheMadGardener]

I work in a British primary school. Just started new term. Long standing pupil, a girl, is starting Year 5 now so she is 9 years old. No issues until now although parents are quite "alternative/new age."

Headteacher has informed staff that according to the child and her parents this girl has decided to be non-binary. Staff are now to refer to her as they/them and she is now using a gender-neutral shortened version of her name (think Alex instead of Alexandra or Jo instead of Joanna).

I am extremely uncomfortable with this and will definitely not be using they/them - I will be referring to the child by her chosen abbreviation to avoid using pronouns (at least it's a shortening of her real name rather than a made-up name).

Serious question: I thought new legislation discouraged schools from getting on board with this sort of thing? Or is it only they can't let children do it without parents knowing?

I'm finding it very hard to keep my mouth shut on my actual opinions in the presence of headteacher. (Colleagues I've spoken to on the quiet all think it is bullshit too)

'They' and 'their' have been used by this poster in the grammatically correct way, so it comes naturally to use these words in the context given.

'She' and 'her' are how one would naturally refer to a 9 year old girl.

Well bloody said, best post on here. The gods of our age, tech bros and dictators - both with all the power, literally financially feed off of division. The press have lapped up all the clicks from this topic for such a long time. Making this all into something it is not is literally feeding these evil assholes. In all this it’s the parents and kids themselves who we should just shut up and listen to. Like this poster. Just give the kids space to work it out and stop throwing unnecessary judgement at their parents who are merely trying to support them. Well bloody said and glad your daughter had you to help her through it! Every gay kid I know who turned into a gay adult had awful, personal journeys into discovering and at some point sharing their sexuality with the world. Why should it be any different with other aspects of our who we are? Just leave others to it even if it’s not your bag. You’re feeding Zuckerberg and Putin’s retirement fund, and keeping the democratic world nicely in check with a good churn of instability so those dictators can happily sit on their little thrones.

@Stompythedinosaur
Teachers are not supposed to respect pronouns they are supposed to keep a good standard of behaviour and teach actual stuff to children.
Are you a teacher?

(ooh totally off topic, there’s a fab exhibition at the Baltic at the moment with a marvellous wax Eresh)

Under the Department for Education's guidance regarding gender-questioning children staff and teachers cannot be compelled to use a child's preferred pronouns, and they should not face workplace disciplinary action or sanctions for refusing to do so. So basically its up to you. IMHO a child of 9 cannot make an informed choice of whether they are binary or not. The world has gone mad. What's happened to the innocence of children and letting children mature at their own pace? We live in a world where parents can't find their own voice for fear of recrimination and teachers dare not express how they feel for exactly the same reason.

Yes look at this op

Oh cool! In Gateshead?

Abuse of the parents power, not others, who just arent holding up your lie.

Do you actually realise how homophobic the trans rights movement is?

Even better, so why all the fuss?

Setting boundaries for children helps them feel and stay safe.

The Three Cs of Boundaries

• Concrete: Make rules specific and easy to picture, rather than vague.
• Clear: State expectations simply so your child understands the exact behaviour required.
• Consistent: Follow through every time so limits feel stable and safe.

Changing the rules of English sometimes, for some special people, but not all the time and not in a way that can be predicted is the opposite of this.

Teaching children the English language then upending the rules of that language sometimes but in an inexplicable way is actively cruel.

Names are particular to individuals.

Prounouns (in English) are sex-based when sex is known and are not particular to individuals. They are also never 'hateful' even if people get them wrong, as may sometimes happen. They are a small but important part of language that most people use instinctively once they learn to talk and it is a huge cognitive (and sometimes emotional if a sex realist) load to try and do otherwise.

Being clear about biological sex is also important for safeguarding.

The pronouns thing is the clearest example of how coercively controlling transactivism is.

Yes!

It seems that the main message to come out of this is the need to teach children (and clearly some parents) from an early age that biological sex and feelings are not directly synonymous

you were born a girl - you will always be a girl
you were born a boy - you will always be a boy

you see messages from society / peers / school / parents / online that says that all boys like football fighting and stamp collecting while girls like drama, music and crochet… but you like things from the ‘other sex’ not ‘your sex’ and therefore you must be the other sex…

no - even though you are born a boy - you can do drama and crochet - here is a list of other boys / men who love that

no - even though you were born a girl, you can play football - shall we go and watch some women’s football?

As said above it does seem to come down to sex stereotypes and a small part of society who want to enforce them for their own reasons… the more we teach children that those days are gone and they can follow any interest, the more we will see this nonsense go away…

Spot the difference:

Racism: actions or words rooted in the belief that there is a hierarchy of superiority between different races

Misogyny: actions or words rooted in the belief that there is a hierarchy of superiority between the two sexes. Specifically that men are superior to women.

Homophobia: actions or words rooted in the belief that there is a hierarchy of superiority relating to sexual orientation. Specifically that straight people are superior to gay people

Transphobia: anything whatsoever that recognises the observable and empirically provable fact that biological sex is real, binary and immutable

By that definition, all teachers should be transphobic according to both the KCSIE and RSE statutory guidance.

Okay. To you, and all the other people who believe it's okay for an adult to abuse their power over a child. I have work on & can't be doing with replying to you all:

1. Trans/nb people are protected under the Equality Act. If this person decides they wish to abuse their power, they're looking at disciplinary action.
2. More importantly, getting one over on a child is abject, pathetic behaviour. It costs nothing to be polite and respectful. It's their duty to protect that kid.
3. Being nb is normal. Supporting a nb child is normal. They are born, not created.
4. None of you can claim that being nb harms women (like you pretend to be offended that trans women wear dresses, or that trans women being in completely public toilets is an emergency etc etc). So you're just showing your full arses here. It doesn't affect you that nb people exist, you just don't like it. That's bigotry.
5. Holding a belief doesn't entitle anyone to be rude, discriminatory or abusive. I refer you to several judges who've told 'GCs' the same.
6. Being homophobic is a belief, so is being racist and misogynistic, for some people. Lots of men believe women are inferior, and lots of people cite religious beliefs for their desire to restrict women, be racist and/or kill gay people. A belief is not a right to be abusive.
7. Seriously, if one kid being nb matters this much to you, and inspires this much anger, you have less perspective than the Bayeux Tapestry. And about as much as those currently attacking RNLI volunteers. Watch out for the comet!

You are lucky though that your dd did not go down the road of puberty blockers, or breast binders, as she'd be looking at a very different future.
If only pronouns was the only thing people wanted to change!

Follow the parents’ lead here, even though it’s silly.

A large part of the reason we got into this mess is because of teachers thinking they can override parents and enforce their own morality on the children they teach.

It’s not your place to undermine the parents here. Stay in your lane.

Everyone in the entire world who has ever lived, is “non binary”.

Yes it’s 2 plus 2 is five. It’s unfair on children.

Adults who are angry and want to push an adult agenda should reconsider.

She doesn’t have to do this.

Whether the child "feels girly" is irrelevent. The child is a female, that's a material fact.

The harm for girls re non binary is that they desire to remove their breasts.

self inflicted wounds by proxy are not “self care”

https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/2019/05/234065/lachlan-watson-top-surgery-scar-interview

At that age I wasn’t going to have kids let along breast feed. I ended up with two and bf for 7 years in total,

I also know someone whose daughter thought she was a boy from a young age. She wanted short hair and to play football and wear boy clothes, as her mother told her being female didn’t stop any of that. She allowed her to do all those things. Most of it is routed in sexism. She’s in her 20s now, a footballer and a lesbian (with long hair).

This child has clearly been told that she’s ’special’ because she does fit into some stereotypical sexist belief for what a girl/boy is so they are clearly much better than the other children and must be treated so.

But what about all the other children in the class that the OP had responsibility for? And their parents?

Their parents may not want their child taught that is possible for some people to (somehow) not have a sex.