My work insisting I refer to a 9 year old as they/them

[TheMadGardener]

I work in a British primary school. Just started new term. Long standing pupil, a girl, is starting Year 5 now so she is 9 years old. No issues until now although parents are quite "alternative/new age."

Headteacher has informed staff that according to the child and her parents this girl has decided to be non-binary. Staff are now to refer to her as they/them and she is now using a gender-neutral shortened version of her name (think Alex instead of Alexandra or Jo instead of Joanna).

I am extremely uncomfortable with this and will definitely not be using they/them - I will be referring to the child by her chosen abbreviation to avoid using pronouns (at least it's a shortening of her real name rather than a made-up name).

Serious question: I thought new legislation discouraged schools from getting on board with this sort of thing? Or is it only they can't let children do it without parents knowing?

I'm finding it very hard to keep my mouth shut on my actual opinions in the presence of headteacher. (Colleagues I've spoken to on the quiet all think it is bullshit too)

I know she doesn’t, but she should.

I doubt she will though. It’s pretty clear from the OP that she believes she can override the parents when it takes her fancy.

Which isn’t a whole lot better than the teachers who pushed the pro-trans narrative onto children against their parents wishes in the first place.

When will you be bothered? Will you wait until you wake up in an NHS ward and find a fully intact bearded man casually pleasuring himself in the next bed?

I’m sure you’re relieved it wasn’t a big deal and hasn’t become a big deal. How lucky, you’re not one of some other parents who are worried sick about their daughters having all sorts of medical interventions from taking puberty blockers to having their healthy body parts removed.
Can you look those parents in the eye and tell them not to make a bid deal of something that really isn’t.
Or may be you think those parents haven't handled it as well as you have and that’s why the child will have to live with lifetime health consequences.

Whether someone decides to be referred to non-binary is entirely their choice,

however, a 9 year old just lacks the experience and neural maturation to even begin comprehending what this means now and for their future - never mind the fact they likely haven't started puberty and will have zero inkling of what sexuality means either way.

They are making adult choices that an adult would need to think long and hard about from an informed position, but she's apparently doing this as a 9 year old

On those premises, its completely batshit from the age perspective

My bets are she's been influenced heavily by her parents and social media

NB isn't protected under the equality act surely?
You do sometimes use pronouns in the third person even when someone is in the room - I've just said to dh "have you seen his phone" talking about ds.

No she shouldn’t do it for the other children too. They don’t need gender ideology at 9.

She can just say “the child’s parents have requested that I call the child they/them and a teacher i will comply with that out of respect to them as the parents.”

she doesn’t need to force other children to use they/ them too, if that’s what you’re asking. If other parents don’t want their kids to call the kids “they” then that’s also up to them.

This way she can be consistent because she’s not taking sides, only deferring to what the parents of the kids want.

No she shouldn’t force other kids to use the pronouns, I absolutely agree.

It’s too confusing for children to have different pronouns in a classroom. Keep it consistent and based on the child’s sex.

Support doesn’t mean play along with, and force others to play along with, a fantasy.

Support is to nurture and develop, which involves helping then understand reality and respect for other peoples beliefs.

note: there’s a fundamental mental divide between racism + homophobia and what we’re talking about here. They inherently involve a hatred and the associated acts. what we’re talking about here is a belief (one which ironically is based upon all parties being equal: “believe what you want, do what you want, but don’t force me to believe what you want or do what you want, and I’ll do the same for you”.

Non-binary has no definition in UK law. It is not included under the protected characteristic of “gender reassignment”.

What does it mean?

That you don’t think you are either sex?
Or you don’t want to “identify” as either “gender”?

Or you want to publicly signal “I am gender-non-conforming”?
Does it mean the same to everyone who identifies this way?
What makes you think any of us “identify” as a “gender”?

There isn’t any binding case law on whether non binary is covered by the EA2010. There has been an attempt to force the uk to include non binary as a gender recognition certificate category or put x on passports but so far that has been thrown out at every stage.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cyve4m79e6lo

How is avoiding pronouns altogether overriding the parents?

And I think part of the justification was that “non binary” isn’t a thing in the UK legal systems.

Firstly by going along with it herself, she is indicating to the other children that this child somehow sits outside of her actual sex. Of course that will raise questions.

Secondly, surely the whole point about ‘preferred pronouns’ is that all are supposed to use them. What is the point of the teacher calling the child ‘they’ while everyone else uses ‘she’? What message does that send to the child in question.

Thing is, once you start capitulating, even a little, the absurdities of the ideology become obvious. Everyone knows what sex this child is. Why are some people in the class allowed to acknowledge this, but not others?

It’s the teachers job to create boundaries that work for everyone. Sometimes that involves saying a firm ‘no’ to parents, not going along with their every demand.

Just a p.s. before I finish lunch:

Protecting this child from the actions of the adult is called safeguarding.

You know, that word so often used on here.

No adult has the right to do what they're proposing to do to this child.

All of you defending them, are defending abuse of power.

p.p.s. Being non-binary is normal. Proposing to harm a non-binary child, is not.

Teachers shouldn’t override parents parenting (aside from extreme abuse).

I don’t think teachers should be telling young kids that santa isn’t real either, or that their parents are lying to them about there being a god, or that they can’t use a nickname as it’s not their “real” name either. They also shouldn’t be proactively teaching children about “gender”, and a whole host of other things.

The main reason the trans delusion got so far is because the teaching profession endorsed the wrong side of the debate and convinced children they were trans when they were normal all along, largely against the wishes of the parents.

The lesson here is for teachers to defer to families on these things, NOT to flip sides and push their own agenda. Otherwise who knows what nonsense they will come up with next!

Right to do what?

Refer to them as their perfectly obvious biological sex?

all the other people who believe it's okay for an adult to abuse their power over a child

I think you're confused, I dont at all think its ok for adults to abuse their power over children, however I think its the parents doing that, and not those who are simply not upholding the parents toxic lies.
You cant sell your child a lie and then lash out at the world when your child encounters reality.

@TransParentlyAnnoyedi can guarantee that there’s nothing in kcsie in education that would mean the teacher failing to use pronouns they them etc is a safeguarding issues.

No it just confuses more children. They don’t need adults pushing this agenda or in the pp’s case being asked to subscribe to it.

And definitely not teachers who children believe in as an authority.

What are you banging on about? No one has suggested harming the child, being acknowledged as your biological sex is just basic reality, which is hard sometimes but it’s necessary to deal with, and the best thing anyone could do in safeguarding is keep this ideology completely out of schools.

I mean if she can avoid using pronouns entirely that would be a neat solution! I only meant she shouldn’t go against the parents directly ie use the unwanted pronouns or use the girl’s full name.

No you’re overriding the concerns for other children.

Reconsider on this as it’s unfair on them.